


Dark Versus Light

by BlairDrakko



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers AU - Fandom, Transformers: Prime
Genre: AU TFP, Angst, Dark, Forced Orgasm, Heavy Angst, Internal Conflict, Lasting effects, Loss of Control, M/M, Mind Control, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Multi, Other, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Reluctant interfacing, Shame, Slow Burn, Slow To Update, Sticky Sexual Interfacing, Torture, Unrequited Love, Voyeurism, emotional and physical abuse, heed warnings, it's a sad one, loss of self
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2019-09-02 11:34:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 66,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16786171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlairDrakko/pseuds/BlairDrakko
Summary: Optimus Prime and Ratchet are captured by Lockdown in the Prime (AU) universe.What happens when a bounty hunter is hired to stop the war and when he realizes the best way to do so is to ruin the light that shines for all the remaining Cybertronians... Even at the cost of that 'light's' sanity...In the midst of battle he captures the mighty Prime, and gathers an unexpected Ratchet in the process.His job is to end the war yet how that impossible task was to come to fruition was never specified from those that hired him, thus...It is up to the hunter to decide.Can Ratchet and Optimus recover from their imprisonment of Lockdown's imprisonment?How will it affect their future battles, will it stop the war, and who, who is truly pulling the strings after all?





	1. Dark

**Author's Note:**

> So, this story has grown far more than I realized, and I have no idea how many chapters it may hold. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy. There's definitely some dark things here, so be warned.  
> Also I don't own Transformers. Hasbro does... don't sue me... :)

At first he was only aware of the gentle creaking of metal that surrounded him. It was almost a peaceful sound, like the creak of a shifting building, or ship. He listened to it as his systems slowly came back online. He felt they were going a bit slower than usual, but that didn’t worry him, perhaps he was actually able to get a decent recharge for once.

As his systems booted, and the sensitive wiring that ran through his frame crackled with life, Ratchet became aware of a distinct ache in his shoulders. He tried to roll them, ease the growing pain, only to realize... he couldn’t move them.

 ** _What?_** He thought, shaking his helm a bit, hoping to quicken his processor’s lagging reboot. He grunted, trying to ease his shoulder pain once again as he became aware of the sound of ragged venting nearby.

 ** _Some mech is distressed?_** He forced his tired optics to wearily unshutter, and was greeted with blinding light.

“Uhhh…” he groaned, shuttering his optics so that he could adjust them appropriately. The venting near him seemed to have eased a bit, but a familiar field fluttered nervously around him.

**_That’s Optimus’s field… why is he in my berth room? Why is he frightened?_ **

Ratchet opened his optics slowly, the light not nearly as bright now that he had adjusted them and as the room he was in became clearer, he felt his spark grow cold.

He was not in his berthroom. Instead, he found himself in a strange grey room, it’s metal walls scuffed and dented yet otherwise plain. He scowled as he looked down to where he heard the forcibly calmed vents to find Optimus lying on the floor in front of him.

“Optimus, what?” Ratchet started, his voice gruff, and thick as he peered closer at his leader. His optics grew wide as he realized Optimus was chained to the floor he lay on, his servos cuffed above his helm, and his pedes chained tightly to the floor. There was a bar beneath the larger mech’s knees keeping his legs bent, and spread wide.

“Holy slag, OPTIMUS!” Ratchet cried out, trying to move towards the Prime when he realized he just why his shoulders ached so terribly.

He too was chained, but unlike Optimus, he hung from the room’s ceiling. He raised his helm to find his wrists were shackled together and hanging from a thick silver chain. He looked down, his own vents growing ragged and he saw his pedes were shackled together as well.

 ** _What the frag… what the frag is going ON!_** Like Optimus he tried to ease his frantic venting as he thought back to the last thing he remembered.

He recalled there being a battle and Lockdown had been after Optimus… there was an explosion, and then light… Optimus had been injured, Ratchet running in to help, and then a second explosion, and darkness…

**_Holy frag… I think… I think Lockdown got us!_ **

Ratchet shook his helm, ignoring the terror in his spark as he looked back down at his leader, “Optimus! Are you alright? Do you…” Ratchet frowned as he realized the larger mech’s optics were opened, but dark. **_He can’t see?_**

“Optimus, he must have uncoupled your optic wiring. Beyond that, are you injured?” Ratchet scanned over the Prime’s frame. He noted some fresh welding, as if Optimus had been repaired recently, but other than that he seemed fine… ** _So why isn’t he answering me?_**

“Optimus! Can you HEAR ME!?” Ratchet found himself yelling at the end, but as he watched the larger mech turn his helm blindly in no particular direction, he angrily concluded Optimus’s audials must have been tampered with as well. **_Fraggin bastard left Prime blind and deaf!_**

Suddenly the medic heard the echoes of nearing pede steps, and he grit his denta hard.

The steps stopped outside of his room’s silver door, and there was the familiar sound of clicking as the locks were opened. With a _bang_ and a _woosh_ the door opened and, as Ratchet feared, Lockdown strolled in.

The black mech looked over at him amusedly, “Awake, just in time.”

“FRAG YOU! What the frag have you done to Optimus!? What do you want from us?” Ratchet yelled out, his frame struggling against his bonds.

Lockdown smiled, his helm turning to the exposed Prime. “I haven’t done much to him… yet.” He walked along the left side of the Prime, Optimus’s helm turning blindly to follow him as he did so.

Lockdown knelt down on one knee next to his prize, his vents growing faster as his optics trailed down Optimus’s frame. “He is a beautiful mech isn’t he?”

Ratchet felt his spark grow hot, “You fragging MONSTER! Don’t you TOUCH him!”

Lockdown chuckled darkly at the medic’s words and he raised his servo, placing it gently against Optimus’s chassis. The large mech flinched at the unanticipated contact, his vents increasing and his blind optics widened as the servo began to rub along his plating slowly.

Lockdown lifted his helm, sneering at the hanging medic, “You are in for some show medic.” He said darkly before raising the servo that had been rubbing the Prime, balling it into a fist, and _slamming_ it down into Optimus’s abdominal plating!

Amazingly enough the Prime did not cry out, only vented harder as his engine roared, Ratchet however, Ratchet bellowed. “GET THE FRAG AWAY FROM HIM YOU…”

Lockdown raised his fist once more, his smirking faceplates pointed at the screaming medic as he punched the Prime again, and again, and again.

Optimus never made a sound other than venting raggedly, and his engine roaring to life now and then. Ratchet screamed at the fragger until his vocalizer ached.

It wasn’t until the Prime’s chassis was littered in discolored plating, and cracks that Lockdown stopped. He rubbed his servo gently as he pulled something from his sub-space and the medic moaned as he saw it was a syringe.

“You filthy fragging bastard, what are you doing to him NOW?!” Ratchet watched as Lockdown placed the needle against Optimus’s throat, the larger mech huffing out as it entered him and its contents emptied into him.

“Just a little pick me up, medic. Do not worry, soon he won’t need it.” Lockdown laughed as he sub-spaced the empty container. He lifted his servo and gently rubbed Optimus’s helm, “Time for training big guy.”

Ratchet’s spark filled with horror as he felt Optimus’s field begin to become uncontrolled, and now not only was it filled with fear, and pain, but a steadily growing sense of heat.

 ** _Ohhh Optimus! I am so sorry…_** Ratchet tried to flare his field, give Optimus something to hold onto given his blind, deaf, and apparently silent state, but he couldn’t. His field felt trapped, suffocated even.

**_Frag it all… I can’t even give you some comfort, let you know you aren’t alone!_ **

Ratchet felt his optics fill with coolant as he watched Lockdown slid his filthy undeserving servo over Optimus’s frame all the way down until it gently cupped between the Prime’s thighs.

Optimus vented out and tried to pull his hips away, his helm shaking as the servo began to rub him.

Ratchet suppressed a sob as he watched his oldest friend being assaulted, **_Optimus.. I am so sorry… so sorry. I can’t even help you… only hang here and watch him hurt you…_**

As Optimus’s vents grew in volume, and his field grew hotter filling with embarrassment and damning NEED, Ratchet hung his helm. “You bastard… you fragging bastard…” Ratchet moaned out brokenly. “Oh Optimus…I am so sorry…”

………………………………

Once Optimus had awoken, bound, blind, deaf, and his vocalizer shut down, he had almost panicked… almost, but after a few moments, and calming his vents he tried to sort through his options and think critically about his current situation.

He remembered the battle, and explosions, and then… this. **_Lockdown… he has me._**

He vented out, his helm turning side to side uselessly as he thought. **_I hope Ratchet got away, he had been coming to my aid… I hope he was not injured._**

He pulled at his binds, more than aware at how exposed he was in this position, even his battlemask had been tampered with, leaving his face exposed. **_At least my panels are still intact, though for how long…_**

He controlled his vents, and again tested his shackles. They were very well made, and even pulling his hardest, he could not free himself. **_I wonder what Lockdown wants with me? He never did clarify. I suppose I may find out sooner than I would…_**

He froze as he felt rather than saw something approach him. The floor under his frame shook as something walked up to his left side.

He turned his helm wondering if this was to be one of his last moment when he felt a servo fall to his chassis. **_Lockdown? Or is it who he is selling me to?_**

His chronometer had been shut down as well, so he wasn’t certain how long he had been placed into stasis.

 ** _I could be halfway across the galaxy right…ARRRGH!_** Pain shot through his chassis as he was suddenly punched. He vented out raggedly, given that he couldn’t yell and suddenly the fist lifted and came down on him again, and again.

By the time the assault stopped Optimus felt dizzy from the agony that emanated from his chassis, every vent felt broken and his frame shook around him. **_Arrrgh… Primus… will that be the end of it?_**

He knew the probability of it being over was close to nothing, and when he felt a slight pinch in his neck cables terror filled his spark. **_What now? What was that? He injected me?_**

He tried to keep his vents and spark under control but as an unwanted heat began to bloom in his lower chassis, his panic continued to grow. **_Has he.. uhhh… he induced heat?_**

When the servo returned to his helm, and then slowly ran down his frame to between his legs, the Prime fought lifting his hips to meet it. Fire ran through him then, the sensation growing stronger than the terrible pain that filled the center of his frame, and he shook his helm in denial.

**_Arrrrrrgh… I am so hot…. I can’t ahhh.. Why is he doing this! What does he… UNNNN!_ **

The gentle servo began to rub at his interface panels, the soft friction sending shivers up the heat induced Prime. **_Unnn… stop…please, please… stoooooop THIS!_**

He grit his denta as pleasure swirled through him. He forced his optics to close, as he was blinded anyway it was really just some measure privacy… some way to hide from what was happening to him.

He vented rapidly, the heat between his thighs growing painful and he bit his lower derma as his hips bucked unconsciously. **_No… no don’t give in to this! Don’t give this monster that satisfaction!_**

He felt the servo pull away suddenly, and he wanted to sob not only in relief that it finally stopped, but wishing it would return.

He turned his helm blindly, fearing whatever was coming next. He wished he could hear, or see… being so deprived of so many senses just made everything he could _feel_ so much more powerful!

Suddenly pain exploded in his helm as he was punched. He felt his derma split and tasted his own energon as it bled from his lips. Another hit landed near his hip, and then another in his side and just when his world seemed to be a haze of pain and agony, the servo returned between his legs and rubbed hard!

 ** _AHHHHHHH!_** Optimus’s frame lifted high into the air at the wonderful sensation, his panels opening unwittingly as he humped into the servo.

 ** _NO!!!! Ohhh Primus… UNNN! Uhhhhh!_** He recoiled, or tried to as he felt a digit lightly slid around the folds of his valve. It dipped into the lubricant that dripped embarrassingly from the tunnel there, moving along the soft mesh until finally sliding in.

Optimus vented raggedly, his frame a haze of agony and pleasure, and as he shivered from the digit within him, he cried out soundlessly as another blaze of pain came from another punch to his chassis.

A second digit entered him, and claws ripped down his frame, the insane and wholly different sensations driving him mad!

 ** _Arrrgh…ohhh, stop, please… please stop this…UNNNN!_** With each attack, and each thrust of those wonderful digits, he felt himself unable to differentiate the pain from the pleasure. Coolant filled his optics as his charge built and he was only slightly aware of how his frame was constantly moving against the servo that ravaged him.

He could smell his own arousal fill the room, its scent intoxicating as the drug that ran through his fuel lines. He shook his helm as another digit pushed through the tight velvety folds of his tunnel, each wiggling in wonderfully deep. He could feel them brush against all of the nodes that encircled his sopping tunnel, especially when they rubbed against his top cluster of nodes.

The frame above him moved over him, he could feel the other mech’s soft vents move up until he was helm to helm with the Prime. The digits in his valve never stopped moving though, and as another servo slid behind his helm and attached a small wire there, Optimus felt the rumble of his vocalizer being brought back online.

Now, whoever was assaulting hin could hear all the noises he was making even if he couldn’t...

In so many ways that made everything so much worse.

………………………

As Lockdown reattached the wires, and the Prime’s vocalizer came online, the guttural moan that escaped the trapped mech was music to Lockdown’s audials.

Ratchet felt his spark clench as he heard Optimus moan, coolant spilling from his optics openly now as he watched his friend's abuse.

Lockdown smiled as he wiggled his servo in deeper, and low groan coming from his prize as he did so. “Oh, it is so much better when you can hear how much they like it, isn’t it?”

“You sick fragger…” Ratchet snarled out.

“Stop…unnn, Lockdown, stop! Please!” Optimus cried out suddenly, Ratchet’s spark breaking at the words.

Lockdown’s engines revved at the plea and he quickened his servos thrusts in response, he reveled in the wet, squelching noises that were coming from his prize’s valve.

“Arrrrrrgh, n..no! Unnnn… please Unnnnn… Lockdown…. Have some, uhh… WHERE IS YOUR HONOR!?” Optimus thrashed, his frame bucking and his field filling with anger, disgust… and heavy, guilt ridden lust.

“Ohhh, he is getting close medic. I can feel him clenching.” The black mech laughed, his thumb gently rubbing against Optimus’s anterior node, the Prime moaning wretchedly under him.

Ratchet growled at the mech in disgust, **_Optimus… please don’t destroy yourself for overloading, it isn’t your fault… It isn’t…_**

“Yes… ohhh, he is so wet… so fragging wet! Uhhh… I was gonna wait for this but, frag it all!” Lockdown pulled his servo away, Optimus’s lubricant dripping from it freely as he did so.

Ratchet’s optics bulged as he watched Lockdown open his spike panel, “YOU FRAGGER! DON’T YOU FRAGGIN DARE!”

The bounty hunter merely laughed as he grasped the center of the bar that was under Optimus’s knees. He pulled it up and back as he knelt behind the Prime’s raised aft.

……………………..

“Uuugh!” Optimus grunted as his frame was bent so terribly, his chassis burning from all of the earlier damage it had received as he was curled into himself.

His knees were brought almost to his helm as his assaulter lifted the bar. He felt the round thick pressure of a spike rub against the outside of his valve and he almost sobbed. **_No! Keep your helm Optimus… keep your helm. You can get through this you…_**

“ARRRRRGH!” He screamed as Lockdown, at least he assumed it was the bounty hunter, rammed into him hard.

Whoever the mech was seemed to enjoy the hard pace because just as he hit the back of the Prime’s valve, he pulled almost all the way back out, and _slammed_ back in.

“Uhhhhhh, PLEASE… Unnn Lockdown… stop…” He groaned as he was pounded into. The drug was working beautifully; it kept the pain mingling with the pleasure, the two sensations rolling through his frame as one. The feelings merged, building the growing charge bringing it closer and closer, and the Prime was helpless to control it.

He threw his helm back, keeping his optics shuttered and vents wild as his frame was used. Lockdown’s thick spike was angled to perfectly slide against the right nodes with every violent thrust. **_I am going to overload… and I can’t… uhhh… I can’t stop…_**

Lockdown suddenly fisted his bouncing spike, gripping its dripping length roughly in his servo, and he squeezed painfully.

Optimus’s blind optics flew open, his intake gaping as the last of his self-control left him, and he overloaded.

“UUUUUNNNNNN! NOOOO!” He screamed, the sound deaf to his audials, but certainly echoing around whoever had taken him. His valve clenched around the invading spike desperately, its hidden calipers and cables sucking at the thick length as his own lubricant splashed out around it.

……………………

“YEEEESSSSS!” Lockdown fucked the Prime hard and fast through his overload, his plating crashing painfully against Optimus’s filling the room with loud clanking, and wet sucking sounds.

“ARRRRGH, I am going to fill your Prime, medic! Fill him up so full, he will be leaking for a week, Uhhhhh…unnnn UNNNNN YEEEESSS!” He screamed as he forced himself so deep into the Prime that he was certain to have torn something, and came hard! 

“UHHHHHHH PRIME! YOU’RE MIIIINE!” He bucked and twitched, his thick ropey lubricant spilling into the mewling mech in waves. As his and Optimus’s lubricant spilled out around his spike he smiled as he saw energon flow out as well.

He frowned as he realized Optimus’s spike hadn’t overloaded. He held onto it tightly as he began jerking it, making sure to keep its end pointed at the Prime’s helm as he did.

Optimus, still recovering from the first overload moaned brokenly as Lockdown rubbed him, and the bounty hunter laughed. “Oh… Ratchet, this is going to be so beautiful, are you watching!?”

Ratchet had shuttered his optics, not wanting to see his Prime being used so terribly any longer, but he could still hear Optimus moan, and cry out. He growled in response to Lockdown’s words, but when he heard a sudden crack of metal on metal, and Optimus scream painfully he opened his optics.

Lockdown glared at him, “I want you to watch,” He said huskily, “Watch or I will keep hitting him!” To prove his point the black mech un-fisted Optimus’s spike to again punch him in his curved spinal struts.

“ARRRGH… please…” Optimus cried out, yet a moan flowed after, and Lockdown smiled as he fisted the thick spike once more. “Ahhh yesss… yes…” Optimus mewled out, perhaps in too much of a haze of pain and need to realize what he was saying.

 ** _Not like he can hear himself anyways…_** Ratchet thought bitterly as he forced himself to watch.

Finally Optimus’s vents and voice reached frantic speeds and notes and with a roar, he climaxed. His spike erupted right over his own faceplates, the thick lubricant coating the upper portion of his helm as it sprayed out.

“Oh how the mighty, have fallen…” Lockdown laughed darkly. He dropped the bar, the Prime’s heavy pedes slamming to the floor as the bounty hunter stood.

He smiled over to Ratchet as he took a thin sword from his back. “A little gift to keep him comfortable tonight.” He laughed louder as he stood over Optimus, Ratchet yelling as he lifted the sword high before bringing it down into the Prime’s chassis.

“ARRRRRGH!” Optimus cried out, his frame shaking around the sword.

Lockdown let go of the blade, he had made sure to stab the Prime in a place that wouldn’t have him bleed out overnight, just keep him in constant agony.

“You fragging bastard…” Ratchet growled out as Lockdown made his way to the door.

“Prepare yourself medic, this is not going to be a quick nightmare for your Prime… Who knows, if you are good, maybe I will let you enjoy him too.” The black mech laughed as Ratchet threw another string of curses at him before opening the door and leaving.

Soon the only noises were Optimus’s pained grunts, and ragged venting.

Ratchet shook his helm as he scanned over his leader’s broken and filthy frame. The Prime had his optics shut tight, his shackled servos were fisted, and his frame shook constantly, but otherwise he was silent, and his field was pulled tight.

**_He doesn’t even know Lockdown left… He is just left in that silent darkness waiting for more pain, and humiliation… Ohhhh Optimus…_ **

The Prime did not complain though, he didn’t cry, and he didn’t break, even after breems had passed and Lockdown had not returned.

Ratchet looked over his Prime that night, he knew Optimus wouldn’t be able to recharge with the blade inside of him, nevermind what his thoughts might be. So he forced himself to remain awake as well, wishing he could let his oldest friend know he wasn’t alone… that someone cared… that none of this was his fault…

**_You are not alone Optimus… I am here… I am here…_ **

……………….

The next ‘day’ if it was day, went basically the same way, except with forced feedings. Lockdown would show up, feed them both, beat and rape the Prime, and then leave. The process repeated over… and over… and over… and though the daily schedule remained the same as more time passed … the mechs it happened to, did not.

Ratchet, on what he suspected was the tenth day, hadn't yet been touched, beyond feedings. He was moved at times though. Sometimes he was shackled to a chair, or the wall to ease his shoulders but otherwise Lockdown left _him_ alone. Yet, it wasn’t like he wasn’t suffering… Watching Optimus slowly crumble was the worst thing the medic had ever seen.

At first Prime had taken it all fairly well, even better than the first day, given he knew what was to occur, but as the solar-cycles continued he began to change.

The first change, was shame. One night, after a long day of torture, Ratchet had fallen into the broken recharge he normally did when he finally heard it… Optimus’s first sob.

It started as a small pathetic sound, hardly audible, but that little break, that little allowance to feel weak… soon grew. All of the terror, the humiliation, helplessness he had kept in, kept quiet burst forth and Optimus broke down.

Ratchet had cried with his Prime, hearing Optimus scream and sob, seeing him pull against his bonds till he bled… it destroyed Ratchet.

When the next morning had come, Optimus had recovered enough to suffer through his torture without breaking, but when night came, he sobbed once more.

Soon his resolve during the torture began to crumble, especially as his frame began to betray him, and as he was beat, even without any more of the heat inducing serum, he became aroused. He cried, begged, pleaded with Lockdown not to hurt him anymore, he said he would be good… Lockdown would only laugh, pet him affectionately and beat and rape him harder.

As his frame became accustomed to the pain and lust, Optimus began to crave it. At night he would moan, moving his broken frame just to feel pain. During the day he started begging for more, or for Lockdown to hurt him harder, frag him faster. The bounty hunter sometimes complied, his evil optics staring at Ratchet as Optimus thanked him for fucking him.

One day, perhaps twenty solar-cycles in, Lockdown came in placed his servo on Optimus, and didn’t move. Ratchet was relieved at first, that his Prime wouldn’t have to suffer… that was until Optimus began to moan wantonly.

He began to buck, lifting his hips with his need. He began to beg for more, whimpering, saying he was in pain from his need of his _Master_. It was the first time Ratchet had heard Prime call Lockdown that, and as a reward, he was beaten until came. No sexual interaction at all, it seemed all he needed now was pain to overload.

Lockdown saw it as a great achievement, and told Ratchet so. From then on, there were many days where all he needed to do was beat Prime senseless to have him climax.

Ratchet watched it all… the slow, painful, terrible destruction of his leader, his friend, his Prime…

…………………………….

It was nearly a month of this now, and Ratchet didn’t even recognize the mech in front of him any longer.

Though still blind and deaf, Optimus had become more accustomed to his other senses. He could feel the light vibration when his Master’s pede steps stopped at the door and his valve and spike panel immediately opened in response.

Ratchet groaned as Lockdown opened the door. He had fallen into recharge and as he was hanging from the ceiling once more, the terrible ache in his shoulders had not let him sleep well. If he was honest, given that Optimus moaned through most of the nights now, he didn’t sleep well regardless.

Lockdown smiled at the Prime’s open display, his wretched smirk appearing as he looked at Ratchet.

The medic didn’t even speak anymore It was not like Lockdown even listened anyways, so why bother?

“I have a surprise for the both of you today,” Lockdown said happily, lowering his pede in between Optimus’s legs as he spoke, causing Optimus to moan openly.

Ratchet scoffed quietly, shuttering his optics once more.

“Today, you are being set free.”

Ratchet felt his spark jump at that, “Wh..what?” His voice came out gruffly and little over a whisper.

“Yes, you are going to be set free, after one last lesson of course.” Lockdown said simply, removing his pede from Optimus as he walked over to Ratchet.

Optimus whimpered at the loss, and Ratchet growled at the approaching mech. Only during feeding did he get close to the medic, that and when he moved him. **_But I was just moved yesterday… or was it the day before? No… either way… what does he want, and why is he letting us go? Is this a trick?_**

The darker mech smiled at him. “So… there is one condition. I will set you free, and even comm your pathetic little Autobots to come pick you up _if…_ ” Lockdown moved in close to him, “You fuck your Prime until _you_ overload.”

Ratchet’s fuzzy processor glitched for a moment as he took in the other mech’s words. “What? What…WHAT!? OH FRAG OFF!” Ratchet spit at him snarling as he did so. “You sick fragger! Why would I ever even believe a WORD you said anyways!?”

Lockdown wiped his faceplates, “Very well. If you don’t want to free your Prime...” He shrugged and walked over to Optimus.

Ratchet continued to snarl at him until he watched as the wretched mech pulled his pede back far and with every ounce of strength he had, _slammed_ it into Optimus’s helm.

“YOU FRAGGER!” Ratchet screamed, fury burning through his frame.

Optimus howled, his right optic had shattered and his right audial was now bent at a terrible angle. Lockdown laughed as he brought his pede back once more. “Let’s see how much of his helm is left once I am done?”

He brought the pede forwards once more.

“ALRIGHT!” Ratchet screamed and the darker mech halted his pede just before smashing it into the whimpering Prime. “Fine… fine.. you SICK, SICK BASTARD! I will do it…” Ratchet felt coolant fill his optics as Lockdown chuckled darkly.

The larger mech moved back over to the medic. “I thought you might see it my way. Now remember, it is until _you_ overload. Not just him.”

Ratchet merely growled at him, and the bounty hunter grunted in approval. He reached up high, releasing the lock on Ratchet’s and the medic fell to the floor in a crumbled heap.

“Get up.” Lockdown said gruffly, reaching down to help Ratchet haul his frame over to Optimus.

Once they were down near Optimus’s hips, the darker mech bent down and unlocked the shackles around Ratchet’s ankles.

“There we go, now you can spread your legs nice a wide, now, what do you prefer, spike or valve?”

Ratchet’s spark was hammering in his chassis. He didn’t want to do this. He was terrified. He didn’t want to hurt Optimus any more than the poor mech had already been, but if there was a chance, even a small one that they would be freed…

“He can spike me. I have more respect than to spike a Prime.” Ratchet growled out, his frame shaking in fury.

Lockdown laughed, “Well, you are missing out. Now open your panel, let’s get you nice and ready.”

“I CAN DO IT!” Ratchet screamed pulling away from the larger mech.

“Fine, fine…” Lockdown put his servos up before walking up to Optimus’s helm, and rubbing it soothingly.

Optimus keened at the touch, his shattered optic sparking now and then.

Ratchet huffed, mentally preparing himself for what he would need to do. **_Ok mech, this is fine. This is Optimus, this could mean our freedom… He won’t even know it is you… only I…will…_**

“Arrrgh, you sick fragger,” the medic murmured as he begrudgingly opened his valve plate. His servos, still cuffed together, and shaking moved down his frame until the lightly touched his dry valve.

“Very nice, medic.” Lockdown purred out.

“Shut up! I won’t be able to overload if you fragging talk!” Ratchet snapped back.

The black mech laughed, but remained silent.

Ratchet vented once more, and began to rub his anterior node. He wasn’t excited, he was terrified, disgusted with using Optimus this way, but he had to try.

He focused instead how this frag would only be pleasure for Optimus, this first one not to hurt in… who knew how long. He focused on the pleasure he could give his friend, and how he could help them be free of this monster.

Optimus began to moan as Lockdown rubbed his helm, allowing the bounty hunter to slip his digits into his open intake and sucking on them.

When Ratchet felt just a little bit of lubricant escape him, he figured that was good enough. **_Get this over with…_**

He stepped over Optimus’s raised knees, and lowered himself towards the Prime’s thickening spike. In all the time Lockdown had raped this mech, he had never taken Optimus’s spike, so as Ratchet’s frame lowered over him, the younger mech’s engines roared to life.

“Master!?” Optimus asked, confused as to how his helm was being rubbed and some mech was lowering over him.

Ratchet grabbed the Prime’s now long and erect spike, and led it to his valve. He hissed as Optimus immediately tried to thrust upwards and pushed the younger mech’s hips down before trying again.

Optimus kept his hips still for most of slow descent, but as he reached just the last few inches, the larger mech growled and thrust upwards wildly.

“Ahhhhh!” Ratchet cried out, his valve burning with pain. Optimus was no small mech, and his spike complimented his frame beautifully in looks, and size.

Ratchet dropped his weight on the other mech’s hips, forcing them to still as his valve adjusted. He forced himself to ignore Lockdown’s leering optics, and focused only on poor Optimus’s injured but bliss filled faceplates.

When the burning had eased in his valve, Ratchet invented deeply, and began to ride his Prime. The pleasure for him was slow building, there was too much _awful_ attached to this act to ignore completely, yet as Optimus slowly melted under him, moaning and whimpering, he felt a heat finally begin to bloom between his legs.

“Ahhh…” Ratchet whispered out, more lubricant flowing from his valve as the heat grew stronger. He hated to admit it, but Optimus felt amazing within him. He had never been big into having his valve taken, he had never been big into interfacing in general, but as he moved and humped against the larger mech, he found himself missing it.

“Uhhhh, UNNNN! YESS MASTER!” Optimus cried out, his spike twitching in Ratchet’s valve.

Ratchet tried to ignore the younger mech’s words, and focused on the luscious thickness rubbing nodes that hadn’t been touched in eons.

He sped his hips up, he didn’t want to lose the charge he had built and if he did, he wasn’t sure he would be able to get it back.

Suddenly he heard a click, and he raised his helm to find Lockdown opening the shackles that had held Optimus’s wrists for so long. The reaction was instantaneous as the Prime pulled his arms up and wrapped his servos around Ratchet’s hips. His grip was weak, and his arms shook, but it was still strong enough to drive Ratchet down further.

When Optimus grabbed ahold of him, Ratchet couldn’t help but feel better. Though the Prime couldn’t see him, or hear him, he could at least hold onto him. Ratchet almost sobbed as he laid his frame down over his friend’s. He lifted his bound servos over the younger mech’s helm, and pulled him close.

For a moment the Prime stilled, his frame shaking at this new sensation and he wrapped his servos over Ratchet’s back hesitantly.

Ratchet kissed his chin lightly, slowly grinding his hips against the still mech. He wished he could speak to him, to comfort him. Let him know it didn’t have to hurt, that there were better ways.

Optimus’s servos slowly roamed over his frame, their shaking increasing as he worked over Ratchet’s frame, and suddenly Ratchet realized what was happening. **_He is going to know it is me! Holy slag… oh no! Will that scare him more! Will he hate me? Oh no! Oh pleeease… I never wanted to hurt him!_**

Ratchet tried to pull back, his spark hammering in his chassis, but Optimus held him tight.

“R…Ratchet?” Optimus’s voice shook as he asked, his frame beginning to tremble harder.

The medic felt as if his spark would explode with guilt. A sob escaped his intake, and all he could do was nod against Optimus’s frame.

……………….

When the mech above him nodded, and its frame began to hitch, all Optimus could do was smile. **_He’s alive! He is alive! HE IS HERE! HE IS SAFE!_**

“OHHHH! RATCHET!” Optimus cried out, his arms wrapping around him as tightly as he could. “You’re alive! Ohhhh… I thought, I thought you were dead!”

Ratchet sobbed harder, holding Optimus tighter.

Optimus suddenly realized his spike was hard and inside of the medic… **_What... how? Oh no… did Lockdown make me hurt him, is that why he is crying?_**

“Ratchet… Did , did I h..hurt you?” Optimus asked, his voice breaking as he asked.

Surprise and shock ripped through Ratchet’s spark, he quickly shook his helm against Optimus’s frame, and gently kissed the mech to show him it was ok.

Optimus vented in relief, “Do… do you want this?” He never wanted to take his friend against his will, even as he couldn’t ignore the burning need between his legs. These days he never seemed to have control of his needs…

Ratchet forced himself to nod, and kissed Optimus more.

The Prime groaned as Ratchet rolled his hips once more, “Ohhh, Ratchet… I am so glad you are alive… you… Uhhhhh.. you feel… sooo… unnnn…. I…”

Ratchet moaned… holding Optimus, knowing that _he_ knew it was him, and that he was _alright_ with it, if not EXCITED… suddenly made this so much better.

Optimus’s field washed over him freely as well, a good portion of it was hidden chaos, all the damage that had been so deeply ingrained into him over the last month, but what blazed through most was his relief and care for the smaller mech.

Ratchet felt his charge growing much faster now and as his venting grew more rapidly, his valve clenched tighter around the spike inside him. “Ahhh, uhhhh…” He moaned out, he knew Optimus couldn’t hear him, but it felt so good he couldn’t help but let those gentle sounds escape.

Soon, Ratchet was moaning, and whimpering openly, his valve clenching rhythmically with his movements when finally, he overloaded. “AHHHH, Optimus!”

Optimus felt Ratchet climax over him, and he smiled as he tried to join him. He thrust into the smaller mech more rapidly, his charge just there, and yet… he couldn’t finish.

“Uhhhhh… Raaaatchet! I … I want…” Optimus growled in frustration. His frame burning with charge, and needing release and yet…

Ratchet looked at Optimus worriedly that was until he heard Lockdown laugh darkly. The medic started at the sound, pulling his arms from around the younger mech’s helm to glare at the bounty hunter.

“He needs pain medic… Don’t you see?” The darker mech smiled wickedly at him.

“No. I will not give that to him.” Ratchet snarled out, even as Optimus whimpered under him.

“Do not worry, soon it will hurt so badly, he will overload.” Lockdown sat back, his optics watching Optimus patiently.

Ratchet growled at him, his spark clenching tightly as he Optimus buck wildly under him. “Arrrgh, Ratchet, I… I am sorry… I don’t want to… I don’t want to hurt… yooou…”

Ratchet realized The larger mech was having a hard time holding back, and he didn’t want to hurt _him_ by fragging him too hard.

Ratchet lifted himself off of the writhing mech, Optimus moaning brokenly at the loss of contact.

The medic didn’t know what to do! He didn’t want to hurt Optimus, but if it truly was only pain that would help him finish… and he could believe that…

“Arrrrrrgh… uhhhh…” Optimus grit his denta as agony filled his frame. He needed to overload so desperately, but he couldn’t ask Ratchet to hurt him. **_Why… why am I like this… what has he turned me into?_**

Optimus finally chose to grip his spike and start jerking hard. He hoped Ratchet couldn’t see how tightly he was holding himself, but soon he didn’t care. As the mix pain and pleasure filled him, his venting grew rapidly, his fans spinning as he finally, and painfully, brought himself to climax. “ARRRRGH RAAATCHET!”

The medic smiled sadly as Optimus screamed his name, yet his spark burned when he saw the bruised protoform the Prime had left on himself.

Suddenly he remembered the deal that had started all of this. “We did our part, FILTH. Now set us free!”

Lockdown nodded slowly as he marveled at Optimus’s heaving frame. “A deal is a deal.”

He stood and walked to Optimus’s side, “ _He_ stays chained.” He said simply as he grabbed the exhausted mech’s arms and cuffed them once more. He unlocked Optimus’s pedes from the floor, and took the bar away, but they were still linked by a decent length of chain, so he could walk, but limitedly.

Lockdown leaned down and brought his arms under Optimus, grunting as he lifted the large mech to his pedes.

Optimus swayed as his helm spun and his weak legs shook. He hadn’t stood in so long, and after a month of torture, no sight, and no sound, he just felt sick and confused. Luckily Lockdown was strong enough that he hefted the larger mech up and over his shoulder before walking to the door.

Ratchet was hesitant at first, but as Lockdown opened their cage, for the first time in so long he realized… **_Holy slag... we… we are being set free… FREE!_**

The medic hardly remembered what happened after he left that terrible room. There were halls, a hanger of sorts and suddenly, they were back in the deserts of Jasper, Nevada.

Lockdown lowered Optimus to the ground with grunt, “I have alerted your Autobots, of your location.”

Ratchet hardly heard him as he delighted in the dying sun’s light, and the fresh air that blew across his frame.

Lockdown walked back to his ship, “Good luck mechs. My job has been completed.”

Ratchet started at that, his exhausted processor reeling, and he angrily yelled “What… what was your job? To torture and rape a PRIME!?”

Lockdown laughed, “Oh noo, those were benefits… I was hired to stop this war. Just wait, you will see.”

Ratchet stared at the mech incredulously, “Stop… stop this WAR!? Did MEGATRON hire YOU!?”

As Lockdown closed his hanger’s door he smiled and called out, “NO! He doesn’t even KNOW medic! This came from HIGHER UP! It has been fun, tell Optimus I will miss him!”

Ratchet watched as the wretched mech’s ship flew away, his frame sinking as he sat upon the hot sands of the desert floor. He tried to understand what that fragging monster of a mech meant… what did he mean higher up… but he was too tired.

He looked over at Optimus, his leader was deep in recharge, or stasis… he didn’t know. The Prime’s frame was terribly dull colored out in the natural light. All of his colors held a greyish tone, and Ratchet felt awful for not seeing it before. **_Not like I could have helped him until now anyways…_**

He moved to sit next to his friend, his spark aching and yet joyful as he watched the colors change as the sun set. **_We are free…_**

He had lost the hope of being free, he realized. He had lost…

He scowled as he berated himself for thinking of only himself and he turned his helm to look at his Prime.

Optimus shivered as he recharged, his frame was covered in numerous cracks, and bruises. Lubricant and energon covered his frame, only once every three tortures did Lockdown clean Optimus, and heal him, or weld if needed. His optic still sparked, and his audial was still bent terribly. Given how sensitive those were, Ratchet knew that more than ever now after the month of torture, he could only imagine what that felt like.

Suddenly there was a roar of an engine, and Ratchet looked up to see the glorious sight of Wheeljack’s ship coming towards them. He covered Optimus from most of the flying sands as the ship landed nearby.

As the docking bay lowered and not only did the original team Prime exit, but Wheeljack, and Ultra Magnus, Ratchet almost sobbed in relief.

Magnus walked up to the chained Prime, his optics dim and guilt ridden. “Forgive me Ratchet. I have failed both you, and Optimus Prime… in not being able to discover your location.”

Ratchet laughed, and he surprised himself with how terribly broken it sounded. “Magnus, takes us home… just… please… _please_ … take us home.”

Wheeljack knelt next to him as his frame began to shake terribly, “Ok Doc, it is gonna be ok now…”

Ratchet half sobbed, half laughed at his words, but allowed himself to be picked up cradled even, as he was brought into their ship.

Once in the ship’s small med bay with Optimus, and feeling the ship take off towards their base, Ratchet felt his spark roil within him. He did not feel hope, and yet did not feel dread.

Only he, Optimus, and Lockdown knew what had happened over the last month, and in a way… that was both reassuring, as it was daunting.

He knew the team would look to Optimus once his outer wounds healed, they would expect their Prime back. Yes, they would be patient to a point… and understanding but, would Optimus be able to continue his role as leader after this? Would he be able to overcome the numerous days of chaos, descent, and torture?

No one knew of Optimus’s treatment… just Ratchet… and that in itself held a weight Ratchet never expected to hold, **_Nevermind that Optimus and I…_**

He shook his helm, even though he sat in an Autobot ship, surrounded by his comrades he felt… alone without Optimus being awake…

**_We… we both have been twisted by this… what, what is to become of us?_ **

He didn’t know… no one could know, but as he watched the sun set through one of the ship’s windows, and the stars blazing against the dark blue sky, he knew… this journey of pain may have only begun…

……………………..

Megatron felt his spark burn as he watched the Autobot ship fly away. He had come alone after he received Lockdown’s message.

The fact that after a _month_ there was word of Ori… Optimus’s location, it shook him to his core.

He wasn’t certain of the authenticity of the message until he had Soundwave verify it, and low and behold… it turned out to be true.

Apparently the fragger had planned on pitting Autobots against Decepticons, but when Megatron arrived… first by the way… and saw Optimus chained and broken… he could not step forward.

Instead he fell to his knees, a keen quietly escaping his vocalizer as he observed the state of the Prime.

He was fine with battling Optimus… Fighting on even terms, honorably, but to see Ori.. Optimus torn down to this…

He stayed hidden, quietly watching the two mechs until their team showed up. He watched as Magnus and the team carried the two broken mechs into the ship, and flew away.

He still hated Optimus, he hated the Primacy… the Matrix in general… but watching Optimus being carried off… so broken and greyed… it tore into a part of him that he had thought he had forgotten…

He commed Soundwave to bridge him back, his optics watching as he stared after the Autobot ship. His spark ached as his processor brought up the most recent images of the Prime.

**_Oh Orion…_ **

**_This war has destroyed us to such an extent that… that its damage has become immeasurable…_ **

He turned as his own ground bridge burst to life behind him. **_Orion… Optimus… Whatever you have gone through, I shall take care to review it… This is an atrocity beyond our levels of understanding…_**

Megatron looked back for a moment at the disappearing ship, his spark heavy with memories and guilt. **_I hope… I hope you are well Or..Orion… You have deserved so much better… Better than Lockdown, better than the council,, better than… better than… me…_**


	2. Grey Area

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I planned on 2 chapters buuuut... there will be many now. Oh... this one was heavy at times... Anywho, here it is, sorry for errors!

The med bay felt cold tonight, and the tired old medic shivered in its darkness.

One week. It had been a week since they had come home. He wasn’t certain what the other mechs had hoped for once they were brought back. Had they expected joy, parties, and celebrations… perhaps?

Ratchet had to disappoint them all. He insisted on keeping Prime in stasis until all, ALL of his wounds were healed. As he had no idea how the Prime would be when he awoke, he didn’t need to worry about him being injured when he did so.

Magnus had been patient in questioning the medic, at first. He let the medic, and his newfound obsession, and protectiveness of Optimus be for the first three days.

Ratchet had said not a word since the ship, unless medically needed. He holed himself up in the med bay with Optimus, and shut the rest of them out for those three days. He knew he was being unfair perhaps, but he wanted to take care of the worst of the Prime alone.

He didn’t want Arcee, or Wheeljack… Any of them really, seeing the more intimate damage done to their Prime. So he worked alone, silently cleaning, welding, and finally being able to help his oldest friend.

Those three days were a comfort in a way. After being locked away with only Optimus for so long, he realized how his leader’s presence had become such a staple, an expectation.

When they had been locked away, one of the first things Ratchet would do when he was waking was feel for Optimus’s field. He would study it, feel it to get a small understanding of how the younger mech was holding up. It was not always a pleasant experience, but it had been one of the only things he could do for the poor mech at the time. Not let him suffer alone, even if Optimus never knew he was there, or that he was doing it.

Yet, the peaceful darkness had to end eventually and Magnus finally came for him. Ratchet silently let the mech into the med bay, not wanting to leave Optimus’s side as the larger mech shuffled in and sat heavily before him.

Magnus had started with easy questions, like how he was feeling, how was Optimus healing… but eventually he had to get to the darker things.

“What happened during your capture, Ratchet?” Magnus asked, his voice low and heavy.

Ratchet had rubbed his helm, his optics fleeting towards the sleeping Prime. “He was beaten, and raped every solar-cycle, Magnus.”

Ratchet scoffed at his own words, **_How simple that sounds, how… fixable._**

Ratchet told him of how Optimus had been deaf, and blind through it all, so when he awoke, it would probably be awhile before he was used to having both senses back, and a bit of a shock.

He also spoke of some other details, how they were captured, how he was primarily left alone, he didn’t mention his and Optimus’s… moment, but there was many things he left out. If Magnus realized this, he didn’t press for further explanations, not yet anyways.

Magnus’s faceplates did not change from their usual stoic expression after Ratchet fell silent once more, “Do you believe, in your medical, and professional capacity, that Optimus Prime will be able to continue his leadership of the Autobots?”

Ratchet laughed darkly, his helm shaking as so many nightmarish images fleeted through his processor. “I… I don’t know… I don’t know. When he wakes, we will have to see then. I think, I think he should not lead at first. I think he will need time, but until he wakes…” The medic shrugged, and crossed his arms tightly around himself.

Magnus peered over at his Prime, his blue optics thoughtful, “Very well, I suppose we shall know more then. Thank you for speaking with me, Ratchet. I would request you spend more time with the rest of the crew. I think that it would help your mental health as well as the others’. They are all very worried for you, and Optimus.”

Ratchet huffed, but nodded in consent. He didn’t mean to alienate himself from his crew, and he had to remember his oaths as a medic. “I will Magnus. Thank you, for giving me some time. I… I will make it out there. I can’t promise to be the life of the party, but I will try to be more of an asset than a hindrance.”

Magnus clasped his shoulder, “Thank you, my friend. Take tonight for yourself and try to come out tomorrow?” The larger mech stood then and left Ratchet with Optimus once more.

That night Ratchet pulled himself into the berth with his leader, careful for the younger mech’s injuries, and recharged comfortably snuggling against him. He wrapped the larger mech in his field, now that it was finally fixed, and filled it with care, warmth, understanding, and patience.

**_Oh Optimus… I fear once you awake. I fear that we will not be enough to deal with the nightmares that may haunt you…and if we cannot help you, who will?_ **

**_………………_ **

Ratchet had thought that seeing the others would be difficult considering the weight that had held on his spark for so long but honestly, it was almost like a release.

After worrying for so long, being terrified for Optimus, feeling guilt… It turned put being with these sad, but hopeful bots lifted his spirits wonderfully.

The first day out had been hard, there were many questions he didn’t want to answer, and some brought out snarls. He didn’t mean to react so poorly, and luckily his team was far more understanding than he deserved, so soon he felt more secure with them, and eased his defenses back.

The next few days passed and he began to feel like himself again, of course he kept working on Optimus, and that always brought the weight back, but even that began to lessen.

Finally though, it came to the day where Optimus’s frame was all fixed, and it was time to wake him.

This terrified Ratchet, and honestly, in a cowardly way, he didn’t want to. To wake him would be like going through it all again, to see the torture had been a nightmare alone, and now… To, to see the results of it?

**_Oh Primus, am I strong enough for this? Will Optimus be?_ **

……………

Magnus stood silently near the med bay doors. He was the only one of the crew that would be joining Ratchet tonight as he was currently the _leader_. Ratchet wished the mech would just let him do this alone, but if Optimus got violent, and tried to escape, it would be good to have a mech Magnus’s size to stop him.

Ratchet vented as he sat in the cold room, his optics dim as he went about setting up what wires and tools he would need to bring the Prime out of his extended stasis. He had already brought Optimus’s optics and audials back online, so now all he had to do… was wake him.

The medic paused, his spark thundering in his chassis as he scanned over Optimus’s frame. **_Aright, you can do this mech. You can face this, and you WILL be there to help Optimus recover from THIS! He is not only your Prime, but your friend… you can do this, you can…_**

He reached over to one of his instruments, and input the code for reboot. It took a few tries as his servos were shaking terribly as he did so, but eventually the code was completed, and with a sorrowful sigh, he sent it.

Ratchet listened as the gentle whirls and rumbles worked along his patient’s frame, telltale signals of booting systems, and functions. He looked over to Magnus nervously, the larger mech merely stood there watching him quietly.

Finally, Optimus groaned quietly, and Ratchet felt his spark freeze in his chassis at the sound.

“Optimus?” He whispered out.

………………….

Optimus felt sluggish and heavy as his systems rebooted. He wasn’t entirely sure why he was lagging so terribly, but he forced himself to be calm as he waited. That was until he realized how terribly loud his systems sounded. **_Arrrrgh, why are my systems grinding so loudly?_**

The sounds continued to grow in volume as he became more aware, and when he groaned, it sounded like an explosion going off in his audials. **_What, what is wrong with…_**

“ **OPTIMUS!?** ”

Ratchet’s voice seemed to echo madly in his helm and he tried to cover his audials with his servos. He found even the sound of his creaking plates, and moving gears of his frame shook him to his core.

“ **RATCHET,** ” Optimus moaned at the volume of his own voice, his processor aching as he quieted once more. He shook his helm, the loud clanking and screeching sound of his movements making him panic even more. **_Everything, everything is too LOUD! It hurts!_**

“ **ADJUST AUDIALS.** ” The medic suggested loudly, and Optimus tried to follow his direction. He brought up his HUD, the normally soft beep it made thundering in his helm. He was surprised to find that his audials were already lowered far below normal levels, and that worried him some, but he ignored the concern and turned them to the lowest setting with a vent.

Relief flooded Optimus as he could finally stand the noises his own _frame_ made.

“Better?” Ratchet asked him. His voice was still loud, but it was at least manageable.

“ **YES** ” Optimus groaned, and brought his servos up over his audials. **_Why is my voice so loud, even now?_**

“Whisper, Optimus. Don’t speak in your normal tone. It, it has been some time since you could hear.” The medic told him, his voice thick with sorrow.

The Prime nodded and tried to un-shutter his optics. Even with just a millimeter of the being open, the world before him seemed to blaze with overwhelming light.

“Ratchet... What, what is wrong with me?” Optimus whispered out, setting his optics, like his audials to their lowest setting.

Ratchet felt the cold that had settled over his spark suddenly burn like an inferno. **_Does he not remember? What… How… How do I answer that?_**

“Lockdown.” Was all he whispered, his faceplates twisting awfully as he said the bounty hunter’s designation.

Optimus vented, his memories suddenly flashing wildly in his processor and frame. He had no visual, or audio attatched to the _memories…_ All he had was physical, and emotional memories. Servos, rubs, fists, knives, punches, claws, Overload, Pain, PleaSure, AgOnY, fIrE, BLisS, LoSs, AlONe, FoRgOTTeN, FILTHY, ShAMe, WHORE, MASTER, **M** oRe, **MORE!!!!!!**

“Arrrrgh,” Optimus groaned quietly. He kept his field tight, and his vents even as he roiled in the numerous waves of chaos that washed over him then.

“Optimus?” Ratchet whispered out worriedly. He felt Optimus’s chaos just for a moment before the younger mech had pulled his field tight, and it had been like a stab to his spark.

“I am well old friend, as well as can be expected.” Optimus said evenly as he opened his optics a little more. Perhaps if he could focus on visual things, he would stop _feeling_ so many nightmares crawl along his plating.

Ratchet frowned. He wasn’t sure how Optimus would wake, how he would react, but pretending to be alright was something Ratchet was definitely worried about Optimus doing. So many times when things had gotten bad over the vorns, and the team would hurt from loss, or nightmares of their own, Optimus would ignore his own distress, and lead.

To see him fall back to that was both a relief because it was familiar of the young mech, but when it came to this particular instance, keeping his chaos to himself, and ‘moving on’ could have terrible consequences.

“Optimus, I will not pry tonight, but I want you to know this, this is not something you can… You… You aren’t alone. You may need to rely more heavily on your team with this one Optimus, and we are all willing and able to help…” Ratchet told him, smiling gently.

Optimus’s fuzzy vision cleared finally, and for the first time in a month an image appeared before his optics, and it was Ratchet’s smiling faceplates. **_That is something better to focus on…_**

He smiled at the medic, the chaos in his spark easing for a moment. “Hello old friend, I see you…”

Ratchet felt coolant fill his optics as he looked into Optimus’s bright blue optics. “Hey there Prime, I see you too.”

The two mechs were silent for a moment, merely taking in that small simple moment, and sad smiles.

Magnus cleared his vocalizer gently, and walked up the Optimus’s berth. “Prime, sir.” He bowed slightly before he continues. “First allow me to gravely apologize for my inability to discover your…”

“It is well, Magnus,” Optimus whispered, his optics narrowed in pain, “please speak softer, my friend.”

Magnus blinked for a moment and shook his helm, “Forgive me, Prime. I wanted to say..”

“There is nothing to forgive Magnus. We all know Lockdown’s technical advantages far out preform our own. Yet, if it eases your spark I forgive you.”

Magnus’s shoulders seemed to ease at that, and he vented deeply at the Prime’s words. “Ratchet and I discussed some things during your time in stasis, and for the time being, we both believe that I shall remain in command of your team for now, and you shall be my second in command.”

Optimus nodded, his faceplates neutral even as his spark clenched shamefully in his chassis. “Of course, I agree completely. I trust both of your judgments vastly.”

Ratchet grimaced at that, even though he knew he had done the right thing by keeping Optimus as SIC for now, it hurt to do.

Magnus nodded, “I will give you some time. I hope to see you tomorrow, I know the team is very excited to see you Prime.” The large mech bowed again, before leaving.

The medic vented as silence filled the med bay. He looked over at Optimus to find the Prime staring up at the ceiling, his vents even, and faceplates stoic.

“Optimus, how… How are you?” Ratchet asked hesitantly.

The Prime looked over at him, “I will be well, Ratchet. For now it, it is just a bit overwhelming.” He admitted, his voice still a whisper.

Ratchet nodded and gently placed a servo over the younger mech’s folded ones. “I know… I am here for you Optimus, and I mean that.”

Optimus brought his dim optics up to Ratchet’s, they looked at him intently, “You were there the, the whole time?”

The medic felt his spark thunder in his chassis, and he pulled his own field tight, “Y-yes…”

The Prime studied him for a moment longer, his blue optics almost appearing endless in their depth of sorrow, “I apologize for that, my friend. Did he hurt you?”

Ratchet felt his frame begin to shake and coolant began to form in his optics, “On..only by hurting y..y… Ohhhhh, Optimuuuusss!” A terrible keen broke from Ratchet’s lips and he bent forwards as all the pain, regret, guilt, sorrow, horror, uselessness… everything he had experienced over the last month crashed over him like a wave of fire.

Optimus blinked at him, surprised at first by his friend’s sudden change, before forcing himself to sit up.

Ratchet didn’t even notice the Prime had moved as he had covered his faceplates with his trembling servos as he began to sob wretchedly. “I saw… I saw… OHHHHH, I couldn’t help! I COULDN’T… ARRRRGH! I HATE HIM! I HAAAATE…” Warm, strong arms suddenly enveloped him and he only cried harder in their safety.

Ratchet felt awful, _he_ should be the strong one, _he_ should be the one comforting Optimus, and here he was bawling and breaking down like a… like a _fragging_ SPARKLING!!!??

“Shhh, it is alright my friend… I am alright. I am so very sorry you had to… to see all of that.” Optimus said to him softly. He didn’t care that Ratchet’s loud words made his helm ache, he just felt terrible that Ratchet had had to witness everything that had been done to him, and he had never known.

“YOU!? YOU’RE SORRY!?? Ohhhh, Optimus… I tried, I tried to… I would yell, YELL! Scream, I… ohhhhh… and.. and he disabled my EM field so, so you couldn’t even know that I… I OHHHHH!” Ratchet’s frame shook so hard that his plating vibrated.

Optimus held the smaller mech tightly, letting his field brush out as he filled it with appreciation, understanding, and comfort. “I know… I know you would have tried anything you could my friend, I have no doubts. You were there for me in the end though…” Optimus said the last part carefully.

Ratchet’s optics bulged and his sobbing suddenly ceased as he looked up at the large mech’s optics, “Optimus, he made me! I swear, I would have never…”

The younger mech’s field suddenly pulled back, and he felt Optimus stiffen around him before pulling back. “I… yes… I am sorry for that Ratchet. I had imagined it was one of his _sick_ games.” The Prime said bitterly as he sat back on the berth some more.

Ratchet suddenly felt awkward, like he had done something wrong and he desperately tried to remember what he said. “Wait, I mean, no Optimus… it isn’t like…” He stuttered out.

Optimus just smiled at him kindly, yet his field remained untouchable, “Peace Ratchet, I am not upset, at least not with you.”

The medic grabbed his helm, “Listen mech, you had better not be upset with you either! You didn’t want any of that to happen, and none of it was your fault! Do you understand me!?”

Optimus nodded, his optics flickering slightly, “I know. I would like to recharge in my berth room tonight. If I may have clearance to do so?”

Ratchet felt like something had changed between them and he had yet to figure out what that was, “Umm, Optimus, I am not sure if that would be the best…”

“Ratchet, forgive me, but I would like some time to sort this out on my own. If it becomes too much, I will return to the med bay.” Optimus said gently as he stood. His legs shook under him, and he had to grab onto the berth to steady himself.

The medic looked at him, his optics scanning over him worriedly. **_He wants to be alone, but what if… Is he just pushing me… his team away? Then again, how do I truly know what he needs to get through all of this?_**

“Al..alright, but you need to promise if you need help, you will seek it, deal?” Ratchet said in his very no-nonsense voice, and Optimus chuckled.

“Very well, old friend.” He patted the medic’s shoulder as he stumbled out to the base.

Ratchet watched him go, his spark feeling as if it was pulled so tight it might snap at any moment. Only when Optimus was out of sight did the medic lay down on the berth Optimus had occupied. It was late, and he was exhausted.

He could still feel the warmth of the younger mech’s frame along the berth and he reveled in it while it remained. As the kliks went by, and the berth grew cooler Ratchet suddenly realized how terribly quiet it was now.

For over a month he had gone to recharge listening to Optimus’s melody. Whether it had been gentle vents, ragged moans, or awful sobs… he had been there, and now…

Ratchet curled into himself, his spark aching terribly as he realized how much he would miss having the younger mech with him. Of course, he never, EVER wanted to have either of them find that comfort as they had, but still…

He groaned as he thought of how Optimus had gone from hugging him to shutting off completely, and leaving. **_Why… why the sudden change? Did he have a flashback, or was it just feeling awkward in general or…_**

He suddenly recalled what he had said after Optimus had said he had been there in the end, **_“I swear, I never would have…”_**

“Ohhhh,” Ratchet moaned as he slapped his helm. That simple statement could be interpreted in soooo many different ways, and for a mech that was just used, and destroyed… to hear how the one comfort he had found would have never wanted it… **_Arrrrgh I didn’t mean it that way! I meant… ARRRGH!_**

He growled at himself, punching the berth beneath him, “Oh Ratchet… you idiot…”

…………………………

Optimus luckily hadn’t run into any of his fellow comrades on the way to his berth, and he was immensely grateful for that.

He walked, or stumbled to his door, entering the code easily and made his way inside, locking it after him.

For a klik he merely leaned against the door and took in his surroundings. His optics and hearing were working better now, and he was able to adjust them a bit higher than their lowest setting, so as he looked around his room, he could see all the little details far better, not that there was much to see.

A simple berth, a desk, datapads… As simple, and organized as the bot that lived there… or as simple as he used to be.

Optimus gasped as a shadow of a servo rubbed his chassis. “Unn…” He vented out hard gripping at the wall as he tried to rub the feeling away with his own servo.

He shook his helm as he made it to his berth, and lay down.

He stared at the ceiling, its grey dull color staring back at him, almost as if mocking his newfound sight with its blandness. He groaned and turned to his side looking at the desk instead.

Even though it was silent in his room, his sensitive hearing made every noise echo around him. A creak of metal, a drip from some pipes somewhere in the base, beeps from data pads, or consoles in the main room, a cough…

“Arrgh!” Optimus sat up, frustrated at all of the chaos around him. He vented for a moment considering what to do before lying back down. **_I should just cut off my audial receptors for now, until I get better adjusted._**

He brought up his HUD and muted his audials, and as the world became silent again, he felt better.

He smiled as he shifted, getting his frame more comfortable before allowing his optics to close…

An EXPLOSION of sensations suddenly took over his frame, and he screamed under the raw assault of it all.

“ARRRRRGH!” He tried to open his optics, or get his audials back up and running but as his entire world became a world of pain, pleasure, and relentless PANIC, he couldn’t get his systems to connect for the demands.

He felt his interface panels open unwittingly, felt his chassis burn with need, and he frantically tried to stop it all! **_NO! NO YOU AREN’T THERE! NO! YOU DON’T WANT THIS!_**

**_OPEN_ **

**_  
YOUR_ **

**_  
OPTICS!_ **

His optics blazed open finally just as he fell off of the berth from his wild flailing.

“Uuugh!” He grunted as he brought his HUD up once again, and turned on his audials.

As always they started at his _usually_ selected norm, meaning the level he used l _ong_ before his torture, and he suddenly… he was enveloped in a world of thunderous chaos!

“ **ARRRRGH!** ” The Prime screamed, his servos slamming against his audials as he tried to gain control of it all. He desperately pulled up his HUD as the world continued to blare in resounding agony, and worked to turn his receptors down to the lowest setting.

He laid upon the cool floor then, his vents ragged, and frame trembling as he fought for control. **_Be calm… be calm… you can do this… shhhh… shhhh…_**

Optimus moaned as he forced his panels shut, he could feel lubricant dripping from them as he did so, and he fought the need to purge his tanks.

He rolled and lifted himself to his servos and knees as he tried to ignore his aching spike, and wanting valve. The heat had started so quickly, without warning, but he didn’t WANT IT!

 ** _Help… I need… I need help…_** He thought of what Ratchet had said, to go to him… he promised, and yet…

“Ohhhh, Primus… I.. I…” Optimus felt his optics fill with coolant as he sat back on his knees. His frame burning around him, and his spark hammered within. **_Will I ever be the same now? Will I ever go back to normal?_**

Optimus moaned brokenly as he finally gave in, and opened his panels once more. He fisted his spike painfully, stifling the long, ragged roar he wanted to scream out as he began to jerk himself off. **_Ahhh… unnnn… it’s not enough… I need… I need…_**

With his free servo he shoved his digits into his valve painfully, ignoring the ripping of delicate protoform and mesh as he added another digit, and then another until four were slamming into the tight wet tunnel.

“Uhhhh… Yes… yeeeesss!” The Prime moaned as he lowered his helm to the floor, his aft lifted high into the air as he self-stimulated himself.

“Unnnn, please… I need… I NEEEEEED IT! MAAASTER!” He cried, crushing his spike so hard it made him dizzy from the pain.

Finally the heat in his frame grew so powerful his optics rolled back into his helm as he felt himself overload all over the floor and his own servos. He collapsed then, the world growing dark around him. He was not nearly as sated as he wanted to be, but it was enough… for now.

………………….

Ratchet watched Optimus closely over the next few solar-cycles.

For every other bot it seemed the Prime was perhaps slightly subdued, but making it through it all slowly. The all reveled in his return, and his growing smiles.

Optimus was seemingly honest about his need for rest, and every bot agreed, and was supportive, but soon enough, it seemed as if everything had returned to normal, only without Prime being leader.

Everything seemed to be advancing beautifully, slowly perhaps, carefully, but even Magnus began to talk of reinstating Optimus as leader.

The only mech that felt this was all wrong, that it was too fast… was Ratchet.

He had been there, he had seen the damage caused, he had heard the screams, the moans, the pleas for mercy… and as his Prime smiled, laughed, continued without care, he began to wonder… **_Who was more affected? Him or me… Or… or are we all just being played by Optimus? Is he lying? Is he suffering every solar-cycle and yet he pretends to be fine?_**

Ultra Magnus finally decided to bring Optimus back out onto the field after a particularly prominent energon mine was over taken by Megatron, and he needed the extra fire power.

Ratchet was nervous about Optimus’s involvement, but the Prime just looked at him with those clouded optics, **_Always clouded these days…_** and he let him go…

As the ground bridge flared to life and all of team Prime exited, Ratchet felt his spark ache watching Optimus transform and roll out…

**_Oh Primus… please don’t let it all be a lie. Let him be healing, and ready for whatever this might be…_ **

**_……………_ **

When they arrived at the mine Optimus felt his spark sing with the freedom of being outside! He had been trapped in the base for so long and before that… To be free was a wonderful thing; of course, were he not being shot at it would have been better.

Megatron was not present when the Autobots arrived, but Starscream, Breakdown, and Knockout were, along with plenty of vehicons. The Autobots split up, each taking a portion of the mine and began to battle.

Optimus felt proud of Magnus as the mech called out excellent maneuvers, and battle plans throughout the fight, and they were actually gaining ground until an unmistakable engine roared over the group and Megatron fell from the sky with a resounding thud.

“STARSCREAM!? What is taking so long you foo…” the war lord stopped yelling as his optics fell to Optimus. “Optimus?”

The Prime looked up at Megatron, surprised to see an odd look fall over the silver mech’s faceplates before recovering from his apparent surprise, and jumping at him.

Optimus narrowed his optics and began firing at the larger mech, Megatron slipping through most of them unscathed as he brought his fist towards Optimus’s helm.

The Prime ducked the first blow, bringing his own fist up into the larger mech’s side plating instead. Megatron grunted and rolled off to the side Optimus following him. It felt incredible to be focusing on something else, something other than… his nightmares, and Optimus felt himself smiling behind his battlemask for the first time in so long, a real, _true_ smile.

He and Megatron danced across the desert; alternating shots, and some punches, yet so far the warlord hadn’t been able to land a single hit on the Prime.

Optimus was so busy delighting in the distracting battle that he hadn’t realized how far he had gotten from his group.

The Prime landed another hard punch into Megatron’s chassis, the silver mech bending forwards as he groaned giving Optimus access to his slam his fist into his helm hard.

Megatron finally growled, his frustration getting the better of him and he threw his frame forwards, wrapping his arms around Optimus’s waist as he tackled the smaller mech to the ground.

“Ugh!” Optimus grunted out as he landed hard on his back, Megatron landing on top of him painfully.

The silver mech’s optics blazed brightly as he pushed himself up so he was sitting on the Prime, and he began to pummel the smaller mech with a flurry of fists. 

Optimus growled back at him, his arms protecting himself from most of the blows, but quite a few got through. He grunted, and groaned as pain filled his chassis, focused solely on being able to rip the larger mech off of him until a familiar, and wholly undesired warmth began to bloom in his lower chassis.

 ** _What… oh…oh no… not now…_** Optimus’s optics grew wide and he struggled harder to pull himself from under Megatron, his servos, and movements growing more frantic as the heat slithered along his thighs.

“Arrrrgh, get off of me!” Optimus cried, fear and shame filling his spark.

Megatron growled at him, his anger hot and fiery within him. He had just wanted to get the Prime away so they could talk, but he wasn’t about to be beaten into the ground for it! The fact that Optimus hadn’t noticed the difference in his attacks and merely took advantage of his _kindness_ had infuriated the warlord.

As more fists slammed into the steadily panicking Prime, Optimus had to stifle the moans each hit inspired. **_Ohhhh, Primus! Please, don’t let me… not here! How… How will I ever be able to fight again if I can’t…_**

“UNNNNN, Megatrooon, please… Stoooop!” Optimus cried out, his vocalizer crackling pitifully as his hips suddenly lifted from the latest punch and his valve panel opened!

Megatron’s haze of fury ebbed at the Prime’s unexpected plea, and when the familiar _shick_ sound of a panel opening sounded under him, he froze.

“Optimus… what?” The silver mech asked, confusion filling his processor as Optimus moaned brokenly, his servos pushing against him.

“Please… please… get off of me… I beg you…” The Prime strangled out. His entire frame was shaking madly now, and his optics glistened with coolant.

This turn of events shocked the silver mech and he numbly complied, standing and moving away from the smaller mech. He watched as Optimus dragged his trembling frame back, one servo going between his legs in an attempt to cover his open leaking valve.

Megatron’s optics narrowed dangerously as he watched his greatest opponent brokenly crawl away from him, inside his spark was a mix of horror and fury. “Optimus… what, what happened to you?”

Optimus had to choke down the sob that threatened to escape as he finally calmed down enough to close his panel, and stand up.

For a moment the two mechs just stood there, the warm breeze lightly brushing their heated plates as the kliks passed.

Finally Megatron tried to move closer to the smaller mech, but Optimus just moaned and moved away. “Please… don’t touch me…”

The silver mech stopped, his optics falling to where lubricant dripped from the Prime’s closed panels, the liquid sliding down his legs, and quickly getting covered by sand.

“Optimus, I… I am sorry for what has been done to…” Megatron started, and the sob Optimus had been holding in suddenly broke free. The smaller mech spun then, transforming into his vehicle mode, and raced away.

Megatron let him go, watching the billows of sand grow smaller and smaller the further Optimus became. Not only had Optimus almost cli… but he had left his team, abandoned his mission…

The silver mech commed his team. **:Pull back. We don’t need this slag anyways.:**

He could hear Starscream begin to complain and argue with him but he shut his comm off as he turned to where Optimus had disappeared to. “Optimus…”

…………………………………..

When Optimus had asked for a ground bridge, long before the battle was done, and only for himself, Ratchet feared the worst.

He immediately fired up the bridge, and paced at its exit. Optimus drove in a moment later, pulling over the Autobot insignia and parking.

Ratchet stared at the silent mech worriedly as he stayed in his alt-form, but turned off the bridge before addressing the other mech.

“Optimus, what… what is wrong?” The medic asked gently, his optics scanning over the large truck, yet he couldn’t find any severe damage. **_Why…what happened out there?_**

Suddenly Magnus commed him. **:Ratchet, please send a ground bridge for the rest of the team. The Decepticons have given up their efforts, and I will stay here to guard for the time being. Do you know where Optimus is? We seemed to have lost him in the fray.:**

 **:He is here with me now Magnus, I think he became injured. I will get that bridge up, be careful.:** Ratchet answered quickly, turning to restart the bridge. As he did he heard Optimus transform and walk towards his berth room.

“Epp, epp, epp, Optimus! In the med bay, now!” The medic called to him, and the larger mech flinched at his tone, but nodded dejectedly and went there instead.

Ratchet shook his helm, confusion and worry filling him as he activated the bridge. **_Oh Optimus, what… what happened?_**

**_……………….._ **

Luckily none of the rest of the team needed repairs so once they all arrived safely, each amazed at how the day’s events turned in their favor unexpectedly, Ratchet raced to the med bay.

Optimus sat in the dark, on the furthest berth from the door. He was currently using a cloth to wipe something off of his inner thigh.

“Optimus, are you alright? You didn’t let your team know you…” Ratchet stopped as he became aware of the telltale scent of Optimus’s arousal. Unfortunately he knew the younger mech’s scent well now, and as his optics scanned over the younger mech, he felt pity grip his spark.

Optimus’s servo shook as he wiped at the sand and lubricant that covered his thighs. His spark burned with anger, embarrassment, and shame yet his hips… they burned with something else entirely. **_Why… why hasn’t my need ebbed, why do I still feel the ‘heat’? What… what have I become? What did I let him turn me into…?_**

Ratchet laid his servo gently on the Prime’s trembling arm and Optimus moaned unconsciously at the contact, instantly pulling away.

The medic felt himself growing angry, both with himself for not seeing how Optimus had obviously not mentioned his continued… distress, and two, he felt like Optimus didn’t trust him.

“Optimus, what happened?” He asked in his no-nonsense voice, and Optimus flinched once more.

“Nothing out of the ordinary, Ratchet. There was a battle, I fought and then… and… and then…” The Prime moaned, half out of misery, and the other half unwanted need. “Megatron… he… he hit me, like he always does but… I… I didn’t mean to, I didn’t want… It felt… ohhhhh….” Optimus suddenly covered his faceplates with his servos.

“It felt good? Optimus, well… well that is ok. Your frame is still recovering. It is not like this happens all the time, you were just…” Ratchet’s glare grew darker as Optimus’s shoulders sagged guiltily. “Optimus… does, does this happen all the time? Do you still have this problem, and you haven’t said anything!? ANYTHING TO ME!? YOU…YOU PROMISED ME!” Ratchet didn’t mean to yell, but as the realization hit that Optimus had been suffering with this all alone since he woke, it infuriated him!

“I… I apologize Ratchet. I have it… mostly under control. I…” Optimus lowered his servos, his helm bowed in shame. “I self-stimulate and that seems to keep most of the urges at bay, today was just…”

The medic vented, trying to ease his rage, “Optimus… you… you could ask for help. Just like in the ship, I… I can help…”

Optimus turned his helm away, his optics dim, “I am not going to ask something of you that…. that you would never want…” His voice grew quiet, and broken.

Ratchet blinked at him, guilt burning through him, “Optimus that… that is not what I meant when I said that. I meant I would never want it without your consent! You were out of it when I started, and I never want you to think I would just… _rape_ you happily!” His voice was near screeching at the end, and he felt his optics fill with coolant.

Optimus turned to look at him, his helm tilted thoughtfully, “You, you aren’t disgusted by me?” His voice was so low, Ratchet could hardly hear him.

The smaller mech gaped at him, before scoffing, “Disgusted… what? No. NO! Not at all! Is that what you have thought!? Oh Optimus, obviously we need to speak more oft… AHHH!”

Ratchet cried out as Optimus suddenly lunged at him, picking his frame up and sliding his mask away before kissing him.

 ** _Holy frag… uhhh… I am kissing Optimus… I…_** Ratchet told himself to shut up and just enjoy the soft sensation of the younger mech’s dermas against his own.

“Ohhh, Ratchet… help me…” Optimus moaned against him, his frame feeling near on fire. He held the medic closely, his engine revving as Ratchet kissed him back hungrily.

“Ahhhh Optimus! Maybe we should move to a berth room. I can’t lock the clinic.” Ratchet vented out, his frame growing warmer under the larger mech’s gentle servos.

Optimus blinked at him hazily before nodding. He picked the medic up, and quickly left the clinic. He didn’t even notice Arcee looking at them in surprise as he made it to his berth room, but Ratchet did, and he felt his faceplates burn in embarrassment. **_How am I going to explain this later?_**

Optimus quickly opened his berth room’s door and kicked it shut behind him, immediately engaging the lock as he did so. He carried Ratchet over to the berth and gently sat him on the end of it before crouching in front of the medic and shoving his helm between the smaller mech’s thighs

“Unnn, Optimus, it is alright. We, ahhh, we don’t have to go so…UNNN!” Ratchet threw his helm back as the larger mech began to lick at his panels desperately.

“Ratchet please, I… I need you now!” The Prime moaned out as he lapped at the leaking panels.

Ratchet vented raggedly as he finally had the sense to open his panel and gasped as Optimus’s long glossa dove in. “Ohhhh, Optimus! Uhhhh, yes!” He grabbed onto Optimus’s helm tightly as he was ravaged, his valve leaking heavily now, and clenching along the invading glossa greedily.

Optimus suddenly placed his intake over the smaller mech’s anterior node and sucked heavily upon it. As Ratchet howled at the sensation, the Prime also brought his servo up, and gently worked a digit into the tight wet tunnel.

“OH FRAG! Optimus! UNNNN, MOOORE!” Ratchet screamed as another digit worked into him, wiggling wildly against the other, each pressing along all of his charged nodes until... “UHHH, uhhh, yeeesss... Uhhhh... Op..OPTIMUUS!" Ratchet’s hips thrust into the larger mech’s faceplates roughly as he came, rutting against those incredible lips until he collapsed back to the berth exhausted.

Optimus wiped a servo across his wet faceplates before standing. “Ohhh Ratchet, thank you… thank you for this.” He said huskily as he opened his spike plate and went to line it up with Ratchet’s valve when he heard a gasp.

“What… WHAT THE FRAG OPTIMUS!?” Ratchet cried as he took in the state of the larger mech’s spike. The poor thing looked terribly bruised, and some of its protoform seemed scratched, even scarred…

The larger mech hesitated, confusion falling across his faceplates until he realized what Ratchet was gaping at. “Oh… I…uhhh…” He didn’t know what to say then… and he felt the all too familiar shame fill his spark once more.

“Did, did you do that… to yourself?” The medic whispered as he sat up slowly, his optics widening as he saw the damage more clearly now.

Optimus wanted to hide suddenly, hide like he had been for so long… **_I was a fool to include him, he can’t see… he should have never seen what I do to myself…_**

Optimus groaned brokenly as he backed away, his servos covering his spike as he tried to force it back under his panel. “I.. I am sorry, I…”

Ratchet jumped off the berth, “No, no wait Optimus! Please, I am sorry, I was just surprised is all. Please, it is fine, I…”

Optimus finally forced the cursed thing back in and shut his panel. He turned from Ratchet, his spark hammering through his panic. “I am sorry…” He mumbled as he went for his door.

“No! No please, don’t go! Let me help you!” Ratchet said desperately as he grabbed at the younger mech’s arm.

Optimus stopped, stilling the chaos in his spark as he turned to Ratchet, “I am sorry my friend, for… for all of this. It… It wouldn’t have worked anyways… I… it would have had to hurt.” He laughed bitterly as his optics dimmed, “Could you hurt me Ratchet?” His voice was terribly gruff, and very low as he asked.

The medic looked at him, his own spark burning within him. He knew the answer as well as his Prime did so, not trusting his voice… he merely shook his helm, coolant dripping from his optics as he did so.

Optimus smiled sadly at him, “You are a good friend, Ratchet. Thank you, thank you for trying. I… I am going to try and go for a drive. I enjoyed the fresh air today, I would like some more.” With that he patted the smaller mech on the shoulder before unlocking the door and leaving.

Ratchet watched the door close, his spark in agony as was left alone in the Prime’s room. **_Ohhh Optimus… what… what do I do? What can I do?_**

He moaned brokenly as he curled into himself… “What can I do? What… Ohhhhh…”

……………………………….

Optimus drove along the roads at first, patiently stopping at lights, driving with traffic until he finally couldn’t take it anymore and with an angry screech of tires; he drove off along the sands of the surrounding desert.

He drove faster, and faster, his engine blazing and spark thundering as he went. He didn’t know where he was going, and he didn’t care, he just needed to go! He needed to push himself, he needed to scream, and scream he did.

He screamed as loud as he could, he screamed until his vocalizer ached, and sparked. He screamed as he flew across the ragged terrain, ignoring the aches in his axels, and dents from thrown rocks. He drove faster, and faster, and FASTER!

“ARRRRRRRRRRGH! FRAAAAAAAG! FRAG IT ALLLLL!” His voice grew louder than his screaming engine as he went.

Suddenly he hit a particularly soft bit of sand and felt his tires start to slide. He tried to ease his brakes as he lost control, but all that did was force him into a sideways skid, his two side wheels lifting higher and higher until he _crashed_ onto his side. His frame continued with the immense momentum he had built up and his alt-from slid across the sands finally coming to an abrupt and terribly painful stop as he _slammed_ into a boulder.

_CRAAAASH!_

His windshields shattered, and his roof bent and cracked from the impact, and for a moment, as his engine stuttered, and smoked a bit, he just stayed there.

It was almost night now, the sky turning to a melody of hues when the Prime finally began his pain filled transformation.

It took a few tries as he became aware of more bruised plating, and bent plates but eventually… he made it to his root form and he sat against the boulder, heaving in exhaustion.

He lifted his weary helm, his optics looking up at the multicolored sky, its light reflected in his dim optics. **_Oh Primus… I don’t normally ask for help… not for myself but… I need some… please… please help me…please?_**

Optimus hung his helm then, his battered arms falling over the back of his helm as he sobbed. “Please help me…” He gave himself that moment, that moment to crumble, and he took it. The once mighty Prime shattered under the dying sun, the sand beneath him capturing each lonely tear.

He stayed like that for some time, the air slowly growing cooler as he sat there. He had stopped crying some time ago, and now merely sat quietly. He didn’t think, didn’t feel, just sat. He _was_ surprised Ratchet or Magnus hadn’t commed him, or come looking, but perhaps they knew he needed a moment…

 ** _Or a lifetime…_** He thought bitterly.

When the familiar sound of an engine suddenly sounded over him, Optimus didn’t bother to raise his optics, he merely buried his helm deeper into himself as Megatron landed nearby.

The silver mech was silent as he walked closer, remaining so until he stopped right in front of the huddled Prime, and he crouched down.

Optimus vented angrily as the mech stayed silent, Megatron’s odd and unexpected presence interrupting his peace, “What do you want Megatron? Have you come to gloat?” The Prime lifted his helm, his optics blazing up at the other mech.

Megatron titled his helm, his faceplates still, and thoughtful, “Come now Prime, even I have more tact than to gloat to a mech that has been tortured and raped.”

Optimus’s spark suddenly jumped in his chassis, and his optics grew wide. “HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS!?”

Megatron scoffed, “Well, for one, you just told me. I merely specula..Arrrgh!”

Optimus was up in a moment, fury ripping through his frame like acid and he slammed his fist into Megatron’s faceplates! “YOU BASTARD! Why should you get to KNOW THIS!”

He roared as he fell over Megatron’s fallen frame, “You don’t get to KNOW THIS! YOU BASTARD! Who else knows!? WHO ELSE!? Am I a JOKE to all of you NOW!? Did you tell them all of our FIGHT! How the mighty Prime CRAWLED away, leaking LUBRICANT like… LIKE A WHORE!?” Optimus slammed his fists down over the silver mech, raining down punches like a mad mech.

“ARRRGH! Will you STOP!? Let me SPEA…Arrrrgh!” Optimus punched Megatron right in his intake, splitting his derma open and spilling his energon into his own mouth.

Megatron spit out at the smaller mech, growling as he did so. “FINE!” He roared and slammed his own fist right into Optimus’s ruined chest plates stunning the mech long enough for him to throw him off.

Optimus tumbled across the sands, his earlier injuries screaming as he rolled. “Uuuugh,” He groaned as he came to a stop, forcing his frame up as Megatron did the same.

“Now…” Megatron vented out, his chassis heaving, “Will you just st…” He braced himself as Optimus jumped at him once more, only this time he was ready for it!

He caught the smaller mech and spun; throwing the Prime’s frame into the boulder he had been sitting against with a resounding crunch.

He followed the other mech’s flight, and as Optimus shook his helm, trying to clear his static filled vision Megatron slammed his fist into his side.

“Ahhhh!” Optimus cried out, recovering just slightly as another hit landed on his other side, and then another, and as the hits fell he felt that cursed heat fill him. He tried to tell Megatron to stop, tell him what was happening; anything, yet the hits came too often, and too quick.

He began to moan with each punch, and then arch into them, his charge building stronger, and stronger until finally, “UNNNNN! MEGATROOON!” He overloaded!

His frame went rigid, his hips slamming out to meet the silver mech’s as his panels opened, his valve dripping freely, and spike falling out erect and thick.

Megatron blinked, stepping back as Optimus slid to the ground after his climax. He hadn’t expected the Prime to overload just from fighting, and he felt awful for forcing it out of the smaller mech.

His optics fell to the Prime's bruised spike protoform and torn valve mesh, and he felt pity and an odd level of protection fill his spark. **_Arrrgh damnit, will he now hide_** ** _even deeper within his tattered processor? NO! NO, he will get over this!_**

Megatron bent and lifted the smaller mech by his shoulders, pressing him against the boulder. “Optimus, Optimus look at me!” He demanded as Optimus tried to turn away from him in shame.

“Arrrgh, fragging look at me!” Megatron grabbed Optimus’s chin and forcefully turned his helm. “He used pain, yes? You need pain? You need pain, or the agony, the _heat_ never ceases? Is that how he trained you?”

Optimus lifted his optics up to Megatron’s blazing red ones. He didn’t know what to say, he was already terribly shamed that he had overloaded in front of Megatron, and now… now he was asking him… but… how did he know?

Megatron looked at him, his optics narrowing with impatience, “Don’t be such a fragging weak Autobot! That is what he did, is it not?”

Optimus wasn’t sure what was going on, and his spark was hammering in his chassis, but he found himself nodding regardless.

Megatron nodded as well, his optics flickering and a look, almost like sadness fleeted across them, “Was that enough of a release, or… or do you need more?”

The Prime froze, as did his spark at the question. **_Is Megatron… is he offering… why? Why would he help me? Is this just a game? Yet... why does he look so sad?_**

The silver mech groaned at Optimus’s shock, “Damnit Prime, this kind of control is very effective. A process used often in the war, but you can counteract the effects, the training. If you don’t counter act it, you may never fight again… not without becoming a willing slave to whomever you fight.”

“How… how do you know all of this?” The smaller mech asked, his voice quiet and fearful.

“Think, Optimus... Not all Autobots were as honorable as you.” Megatron said angrily. “Only I was not surrounded by a bunch of feckless heroes scared to get their servos dirty. So I ask again, was that a strong enough overload, or do you need more?”

Optimus’s frame was shaking, both from terror and that wretched _need_ that haunted him every solar-cycle since his awakening, “Why, why help me?”

The warlord growled rolling his optics in frustration, “Honestly MECH! You talk too damn much! _Because_ Optimus, you are too honorable for this! And… and I don’t want you as a slave, I don’t want you as any mech’s slave. You deserve better than that… as Orion would. Now DO YOU NEED MORE… OR NOT!?”

“More…” Optimus whispered… the heat in his chassis growing wildly as he admitted it. Suddenly all he could think of was the mech in front of him. He longed for him to beat him, hit him, and then throw him to the floor and take him! “Uhhhh, Megatron… I need MOORE!”

Megatron nodded a small, sad smile gracing his lips as he did so, “Very well, brace yourself Optimus, I am no gentle lover… not anymore…”

Optimus moaned at that, his hips thrusting out as the silver mech bawled his fist and _slammed_ it into Optimus’s side. “UNNNNN, Megatron, YEESSS! Hurt me… pleeease!” Optimus cried out as he reeled back and crunched his own fist into the larger mech’s abdominal plating.

“Uuuugh! Op..Optimus!?” Megatron glared at him incredulously.

Optimus just shrugged, a playful, lust filled smile on his faceplates, “You don’t want a slave, and I don’t want to just let you beat me. You can’t expect I would make it easy Megatron, I respect you too much.”

Megatron smirked up at him, his optics blazing at the challenge, “Well done, Prime. I am proud of you.” He lunged at the smaller mech, slamming him back against the boulder as his servo suddenly shoved into Optimus’s open valve.

“UUUUUNNNNN! Yeeesss!” Optimus threw his helm back, his servos grasping onto Megatron’s spiked shoulders so hard he dented his plating.

“HA, so much for fighting back!” Megatron laughed as he thrust his servo deep into the mewling mech before him.

Optimus smiled as well, throwing his helm forwards and _smashing_ it right into Megatron’s grinning faceplates.

“Arrrrgh!” The silver mech fell back, his servo slipping from Optimus’s sopping valve with a wet suckling sound.

Optimus jumped on him, throwing a fist at his helm, and as it crashed heavily into the other mech, he brought another fist up to catch Megatron’s chin, sending the huge mech flying up and back until he fell and landed hard on his back plates.

“Arrrrrgh, fragger!” Megatron groaned out as Optimus straddled him.

Optimus bent over him and pressed his dermas against Megatron’s hard. The silver mech opened his intake allowing Optimus’s glossa to enter him as he raked his claws along the back of the smaller mech.

“AHHHHHH!” The Prime arched into the claws, his frame shivering as they ripped into his plating. “YEEESSSS!”

Megatron roared at the sight, and suddenly grabbed the Prime by his waist before slamming him to the ground beside him.

“Uhhhh…” Optimus looked up, his optics hazy from the pain, and heat that ran over his frame lusciously. He watched Megatron open his spike plate, and his huge length pop out into the cool night air.

The silver mech’s chassis rumbled as he slammed his fist into Optimus’s helm, splitting the smaller mech’s derma before flipping his frame once more, so he was on his servos and knees before him. Without any further warning, Megatron slammed his spike deep into Optimus’s dripping valve, pushing himself in to the hilt on the first pass.

“AHHHHHHH! MEGATROOON! Ohhh, Gods! Please! YESSSS!” Optimus raggedly screamed as he thrust his hips back hard.

Megatron snarled as his servo wrapped around the Prime’s throat, and he began pounding into the mech at a wicked pace. “Uhhh… Uhhhh…. OPTIMUS! Frag…UNNNNNN!”

Optimus had no idea what he was doing, shamefully on his knees under his most dangerous enemy. He could imagine how his Autobots would react, what they would say, but for now… he didn’t care. All he was focused on was that for the first time since he had awoken, that terrible, ever present agony, that heat and need, was being sated.

…………………….

Ratchet had had enough, it had been breems since Optimus had disappeared, and even Magnus was growing visibly agitated by his absence. So when the larger mech had said he was going to go collect the missing Prime, Ratchet volunteered to instead.

He felt guilty for earlier, and as always these days, terribly protective over the larger mech.

He bridged in a little ways out from Optimus’s location. He wasn’t sure how he was going to find Optimus, and wanted to make sure not to scare or surprise the mech, but as he heard yells and screams, and the familiar sounds of fighting, he began to run.

**_Oh Optimus, frag it all! You shouldn’t be out here on your own right now! You need to heal you need to…_ **

Ratchet’s mad charge came to an abrupt end as he stopped along the edge of a cavern and could go no further without falling hundreds of feet down. He could however… see what all the commotion had been about when he found Optimus, and Megatron on the floor of the desert.

They appeared to be fighting, Optimus slamming his fists into the larger mech again and again until Megatron landed on his back, the Prime screaming as he landed on top of him. **_YES! Excellent Optimus, that’s the way you…_**

When Optimus kissed Megatron, Ratchet’s world seemed to tilt, and he fell to his knees.

He watched as Megatron ripped into Optimus’s back, the smaller mech screaming out in ecstasy from the feeling. The silver mech threw him off then, landing another punch before flipping Optimus over, and brutally entering him from behind.

Ratchet watched… and listened to the two mechs scream, and tear into one another. Both seemed wild, and the whole thing was terribly violent.

In so many ways Ratchet wanted to look away, to not believe it, and yet… there it was. His leader, his Prime, moaning, and writhing against one of the most wicked mechs of Cybertron. The mech that had destroyed their planet, started the war, killed so many of their comrades!

Eventually the vicious, and sultry show ended, both mechs screaming out their climaxes, their mingled voices echoing through the cavern, and then silence.

Ratchet watched as they rested together for a moment, both frames still, yet perhaps speaking, but he couldn’t be sure.

Finally Megatron stood, helping to pull Optimus up as well, they spoke quietly, Optimus nodding slowly to whatever was being said.

It looked as if Megatron was preparing to blast off when Optimus called out to him, so loudly even Ratchet heard his words. “Thank you.”

Megatron looked at him curiously for a moment, before striding forward in three long steps, his long arms reaching out before wrapping around Optimus gently, and kissing him. At first it seemed Optimus was going to push him off, but soon his shoulders sagged, and he wrapped his own arms hesitantly around the larger mech, his frame leaning into the kiss.

Ratchet watched it all… his spark frozen in his chassis, and his servo shaking as it was clasped over his gaping intake.

He felt coolant form in his optics yet he wasn’t certain why…

Was it because he felt Optimus had betrayed them all, was it because maybe their Prime was so far gone that he didn’t know what he was doing, or was it because… he couldn’t do that for Optimus… and he had to fall to Megatron’s servos to get what relief he needed…

Whatever the reason, as Megatron finally pulled away, lightly brushing his digits along the Prime’s helm before blasting away, Ratchet realized both he and Optimus now had some very real problems they needed to face.

First, what would Optimus do now, go back to base and lie to everyone, or would he fess up, and what would that mean for him?

Secondly, what would _Ratchet_ do now, lie to his team and keep Optimus’s secret… if he chose to keep it himself, _or_ report tonight to Magnus and turn the Prime in?

The medic found his helm a world of chaos as he watched Optimus lift his servo and suddenly the smaller mech’s comm flared to life!

**:Ratchet, it is Optimus. Could I have a ground bridge at this location?:**

Ratchet panicked, **_Holy frag, holy frag… what… what do I do!?_**

In the end, he did the only thing he could do. **:We both need one Prime… Look up.:**

Optimus’s frame jolted, his helm franticly scanning the higher edge of the canyon before finally halting as he spied Ratchet’s frame.

The two mech’s stared at one another… neither moving, or talking, they just stared.

Finally, Ratchet’s comm crackled and Optimus’s broken voice filled his audials.

 **:Forgive me, forgive my weakness Rat…:** The message never finished as Optimus’s framed swayed, and he crumpled to the desert floor.

Ratchet’s spark suddenly thundered in his chassis and he commed base. **:I need a bridge and an assist, Prime is down! Send it to these coordinates!:**

Arcee’s voice answered him. **:Copy that! One klik!:**

Ratchet transformed and raced along the cavern’s edge, desperately searching for a way down to his Prime.

**_Oh Optimus… so much has happened… I can only imagine the strain it has placed on your spark, and processor!_ **

He ignored what he had seen earlier for now, far more concerned about protecting his Prime, his friend. He still didn’t know what he was going to do but for now, all that mattered was Optimus was down, and frag it all if he was going to let the mech suffer alone.

**_I am here Optimus… I am here…_ **


	3. Grey Area Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3, so tried to fit it all in, but alas I couldn't. I hope you enjoy, this chapter goes a little deeper into the inner struggles of the characters, especially after last chapter's ending. Hope you enjoy the angsty goodness.

He lied.

He lied to his team.

He lied to Magnus.

He lied… for Optimus…

Ratchet watched the screen next to him, its readings beeping out in the otherwise silent med bay as he rubbed his helm wearily. Optimus was still in stasis, it had been two solar-cycles since… since Ratchet had found him in the desert.

It seemed the younger mech’s spark had been placed under too much stress recently, that coupled with his numerous injuries had been the reason for the Prime’s emergency shutdown. So as a result, he now lay in the same berth he had after his torture, his frame warming it once again. **_Ohhh Optimus… when will this all cease, will things ever get back to normal?_**

His lie had gone over easily, and why wouldn’t it, Ratchet wasn’t one for lying. He had told his team that Megatron had come across the Prime, there was a battle, when he showed up Megatron figured the rest of the team would be on the way so he left. The Prime was so injured he fell to stasis the rest was history… easy.

Ratchet growled quietly to himself rubbing his helm harder. **_What the frag have I gotten myself into, what the frag has Optimus gotten himself into!? WHERE IS THIS GOING TO LEAVE US!?_**

Suddenly Optimus groaned and his frame twitched.

“Uhhh….” He moaned gently, his frame shifting on the berth more, and his helm shook back and forth for a moment.

Ratchet frowned at the younger mech, his optics going to his scanners as their beeping increased. **_A dream-cycle?_**

As Optimus continued to shift, and small yet increasing whimpers escaped his vocalizer Ratchet frowned deeper. **_No… no dreams there, only nightmares… Oh Optimus… I am so sorry._**

Ratchet hung his helm low as the Prime jerked and twitched miserably before him. He wasn’t sure if he should wake the younger mech. Would he be saving Optimus from his nightmares, or would he just terrify the mech by touching him?

“Uuuuhhh…nooo… p..please…”Optimus mumbled out, his helm shaking faster, one shaking servo lifting out before him as if trying to push something away.

The medic bit his lower derma, his processor running wildly in his helm. **_Do I wake him, or do I leave it alo…_**

Suddenly Optimus’s frame arched off the berth, a low guttural moan escaping his intake as his valve panel opened. “UNNN PLEEEAAASE! MAASTER!”

Ratchet made up his mind, he wasn’t going to leave Optimus locked in that nightmare and he called to his Prime. “Optimus, Optimus please wake up.”

The younger mech’s servo went down to his valve and before Ratchet could stop him, shoved it into himself so roughly it immediately drew energon.

“FRAG IT! Optimus, WAKE UP!” Ratchet yelled as he stood and tried to pull the larger mech’s servo away from himself.

Optimus moaned, fighting Ratchet’s efforts. “Maaaster… I need… I need…”

“STOP IT! WAKE UP DAMNIT!” Ratchet grunted as he finally pulled Optimus’s arm back causing a cry of pain from the younger mech before his optics blazed open.

“NOOOO!” Optimus screamed in surprise, pushing his frame away from the medic desperately only the berth was not so long and as he dragged himself back he suddenly tipped over its end and landed in a heap on the floor.

Ratchet felt awful for scaring the mech like that and quickly scrambled to the larger bot’s side. “Oh frag Optimus, I am sorry. I just, I couldn’t wake you and you were hurting your…”

“I understand Ratchet, I apologize for reacting as I did…” Optimus said quietly, his optics dimming and vents ragged as he saw lubricant and energon leaking from his open valve. He sighed as he shut the panel, pointedly trying to ignore how wet his servo was as he forced himself to stand.

“Optimus? Are…are you alright?” Ratchet asked gently, he vented as he looked up to his Prime’s dark optics and hanging shoulders. The poor mech looked just so worn, and lost.

“I am well, Ratchet.” Optimus said simply yet he didn’t raise his helm, didn’t smile, just stood there staring at the floor numbly.

Ratchet sighed as he rubbed at his helm. He knew he had to bring up a rather painful and awkward subject, and in so many ways he hated having to pull at Optimus’s already full processor, but this was something they couldn’t put off. “Optimus… we, we need to talk about what happened, between you and Megatron.”

The Prime nodded slowly, his optics never rising from the floor. “I asked for it Ratchet, I would like to start with that. He did not force me.”

Ratchet flinched at the admission, and the terribly broken sound of his leader’s voice. “Yes, I… I saw you kiss him. I knew then…”

It was Optimus’s turn to flinch, but he didn’t say anything.

Ratchet groaned, his spark heavy with that terrible weight he had held since their capture, “No one knows, Optimus. I lied and told them the two of you fought and… and that was all. They believed it, and now… now we can move on from it.”

Optimus finally brought his helm up, his dim optics looking over at his oldest friend, “You lied for me, I… I am very sorry to have forced you to do that Ratchet. I would never wish to ask that of you. I could have told them, my friend. I know what I did… and I thought it… I thought it was for the best.”

“For the BEST!? Optimus… Listen, I am trying to help, trying to understand _all_ of this, but in no way is going to Megatron _for the best._ Please, please tell me it won’t happen again. Please don’t place yourself in that very dangerous position again.” Ratchet stepped forward, his servo rising to Optimus’s arm. “Please Optimus. Megatron is a monster, and vastly intelligent. He could very easily take advantage of you in your very vulnerable state of processor.”

Optimus looked back to the floor, his frame trembling slightly, “I felt better, Ratchet. After we… the pain… the… it eased. He helped m…”

“FRAG IT ALL MECH!” Ratchet yelled as he turned angrily. He started furiously picking up some of his tools, slamming them into their proper places.

Optimus watched him, his spark cold and empty in his chassis. He felt awful for angering Ratchet, for disappointing him. The poor medic had already gone through so much because of him, and now he was lying as well… “Ratchet, I… I never wanted to hurt you like this…”

“HURT ME!? ME!? Frag it Optimus… I am not worried about _me!_ Arrrgh, damn mech is worried about everyone _BUT_ himself… ohhh, help me Primus.” Ratchet turned to look at his Prime, his optics blazing as he did so. “Optimus, I am worried about _you_. You have been through an _awful_ trauma, you… you aren’t thinking clearly and _Megatron_ the _WARLORD,_ WILL take ADVANTAGE of that FACT!”

Optimus frowned, “Ratchet, you didn’t see him, he seemed genuinely concerned, like he wanted to help, and he did old friend. I know this isn’t the way either of us would want my… my problems to be fixed, but it wo…”

“GENUINELY CONCERNED!? Do you hear yourself Optimus!? This is MEGATRON! The mech that destroyed our FRAGGIN PLANET! Killed hundreds, THOUSANDS of _YOUR_ PEOPLE! The citizens a PRIME is supposed to protect! Are you going to forget all of that and just open your legs for him because he was nice for ONE KLIK!?” Ratchet’s voice grew until it almost screeched with his fury, and he threw his wrench at the wall in frustration.

Optimus shrank further into himself his field so full of chaos, and wrapped so tightly around him it was suffocating. The smaller mech’s words filled him with a level of shame that resonated deep in his tattered spark. Ratchet was right, everything he said was right… and Optimus felt awful for what he had done.

“I won’t pursue this any longer, you… you are right, Ratchet… Thank you for reminding me.” Optimus said hollowly, his tanks rolling sickly in his chassis. He had finally gotten some relief, had some hope of recovery, or at least ebbing the agony and heat, and now he felt sick for ever having such hopes.

Ratchet vented out, he hated, _hated_ talking to Optimus like this, but he was terrified for the younger mech. “Optimus… I am sorry. I… we can find other ways to help you. Just give me some time? Now that I realize the extent of it, maybe I can create something to lessen the… need, or the effects that pain has on you regarding it.”

Optimus nodded silently, “I would appreciate that Ratchet, you are a good friend.”

The medic peered at his Prime, his spark aching, “Optimus, if you need release… I can try to assist, I… could try and…”

The larger mech growled suddenly, its ferocity startling Ratchet as Optimus’s optics blazed with fury, “No. You have already done more than enough for me Ratchet. I _will not_ ask you to change yourself to appease my… disgusting _needs_. Absolutely NOT! I am not going to twist you like he… he…” Optimus suddenly placed his servo over his intake and he looked away, terrified he would break down again.

“Optimus… you aren’t disgusting, and it isn’t your faul…”

“JUST STOP!” Optimus cried out, his servos going out before him as if trying to physically stop the smaller mech’s words. As Ratchet flinched he immediately felt terrible, and vented dejectedly, the tension slipping from his frame once more. “Forgive me Ratchet… I… I just need… I… I don’t…” A sob finally escaped his intake. “I don’t kn..know…”

Ratchet watched as Optimus struggled to compose himself, and he felt his spark crumbling under the familiar weight of uselessness. “Optimus, it is ok to cry. You don’t need to be perfect… no one is asking that of you, I promise.” He moved forwards, his servo lying on the larger mech’s arm once again.

Optimus nodded, his faceplates setting to their usual stoic visage. “I know, and for that I am immensely grateful.” He smiled then, straightening his back and pulling his shoulders back and if it weren’t for the ever present darkness in his optics, Ratchet almost saw his old Prime standing before him. “I am going to see Magnus, perhaps he has some things to help keep my processor busy. I… thank you Ratchet. I owe you so very much, thank you for keeping me on the right track.”

Ratchet nodded numbly, guilt eating at his spark as Optimus left the med bay. **_Oh Primus… am I doing the right thing? I… I don’t know how to handle this, I only want to keep him safe but… what if I am making it worse? Oh help… I am so lost in this… so very lost._**

**_…………………………_ **

Optimus sat in his berth room, a huge pile of data pads before him. Magnus had him looking over numerous reports that had been largely ignored during the month he was missing. His team had been far more focused on trying to find him and Ratchet than reports.

Optimus rubbed his optics wearily, he had been doing this for four solar-cycles straight, all the while forcing himself to survive his nightly _episodes_. It seemed Megatron had helped him far more than he realized, and the first couple days after his… mistake, he had not felt the heat come nearly as strong, except at night.

He would dream during his recharges though and those always led to… issues. He would wake screaming, or moaning, his panels open and frame over heated. He ignored his needs the first night, his frame shaking as he stayed awake curled into a ball until the agony finally eased enough to work again. In a way he felt proud of that night, he had hoped he was getting stronger against his twisted desires but the second night…

He had fallen from his berth venting raggedly as his frame screamed its need. He had tried to ignore it, he tried, but as his lust and heat grew so did its pain, and soon he climaxed just from its agony. After that he gave up and angrily, shamefully ripped into his valve once more. His other servo jerking himself so roughly he was afraid a member of the team would check on him for the volume of his screams.

The third night he didn’t recharge. He had hoped the lack of dreaming would help avoid the start of the heat, but it seemed the longer he avoided _counteracting_ his filthy curse, the more he wanted it, and once again he found himself tearing painfully at his frame once again.

During this time he had avoided his team as much as he could, his only contact being during his fueling. Much to Magnus’s surprise the Decepticon’s activity came to a halt during those days. The team was glad for it though, and took this time to catch up on many of the chores ignored during their searching. Only Ratchet and Optimus seemed unsurprised by Megatron’s lack of action, both summarizing it had to do with what happened the other night.

“I bet you the fragger is waiting for you to run back to him,” Ratchet whispered to him darkly, Optimus numbly nodding as he grabbed his energon, before moving back to the comfort of his berth room.

He had been avoiding the medic most of all, his guilt and shame seemed amplified three fold in front of the smaller mech. Ratchet had seen his torture, seen the damage he had done to himself, and knew of his moment with Megatron.

Optimus found himself unable to look the smaller mech in the optics these days. Ratchet would check on him during the day, and he would smile and pretend, as he did with all of his team… and Ratchet would smile and pretend back.

All in all, the whole situation felt very similar… him being alone, suffering each day, and not being able to do anything about it.

He felt guilty for not addressing any of his problems with his team, but given how he felt about Ratchet knowing and the terrible shame, and guilt he felt every time he saw his oldest friend… he could only imagine how he would feel if the rest of the team knew.

In fact, Optimus had started to muse on how… out of anyone, only Megatron understood and didn’t judge him for what he was going through.

He tried not to think of that night, that _mistake_ , yet in his darkest moments, after tearing into himself, sobbing as he was filled with shame once again, he thought of the silver mech. He thought of how his optics looked so genuinely concerned for him, of how Megatron had come to _him_ to help. He remembered the anger in Megatron’s voice as he said he was sorry for what had been done to him, and then… their last kiss.

It had been so different. There was no pain there, there didn’t have to be… his cursed needs had been sated, no… it was just simple, small, and wholly unexpected. How he had held Optimus, carefully like, like at any moment he could shatter. Optimus had been terrified at the embrace, yet as those soft, scarred lips brushed against his so gently, he had moaned, and let himself have that moment, that safety and comfort.

Megatron had given him his personal comm code at the end, telling him to contact him if he needed help. At the time Optimus had felt immensely grateful, if not nervous, but he had hope that he could finally deal with his issues, and not have to do it alone…

Of course after his talk with Ratchet, that all was destroyed…

Optimus groaned, exhaustion filling his frame as he checked his chronometer. **_It is already night again… Primus… what must I suffer through tonight? What else will there be? How much more of this can I take?_**

Suddenly there was a soft knock on his door, and he raised his optics. **_What is Ratchet doing here so late?_**

He vented out as he pushed his chair back and stood. “Enter.”

The door creaked as the medic pushed it open, “Do you have a klik, Optimus?”

“Of course old friend, please, come in.” Optimus was happy his battlemask was already over his faceplates. He wore it often now as it saved him from having to pretend to smile all the time.

Ratchet opened the door further and stepped in, gently closing the door behind him.

Optimus watched as the smaller mech seemed to collect himself before turning and walking to the front of Optimus’s desk. “You are avoiding me.”

Optimus blinked at him, his spark pulsing faster within him. He should have known Ratchet would confront him about this, the small mech was as stubborn as they came, but… how to answer?

“You seem upset, Ratchet.” He stated simply, hoping to avoid answering the accusation outright.

“Upset? UPSET!? Nooooo, I am not upset, I am furious, and suspicious! What have I done Optimus? Why, why are you avoiding me? Why are you avoiding your team? WHY HAVEN’T YOU ASKED FOR HELP!?” Ratchet was venting raggedly by the end, his optics blazing.

Optimus sat calmly through the barrage, his covered faceplates still as always, “I apologize for distressing you like this old friend, I am fin…”

“NO! YOU ARE NOT! Don’t fragging lie to ME! NO MORE LIES! I saw you today, I saw the way you walked, _you_ are in PAIN! I… ARRRRGH! Come to the med bay NOW! I am giving you a checkup.” Ratchet said furiously.

Optimus felt his spark freeze in his chassis, and his optics widened with terror. It was true, last night’s… _episode_ had left him far more injured than he cared to admit, and his spike had been aching throughout the day yet, he hadn’t realized it affected how he moved. He was so focused on pretending to be fine, and awake, alert… that he must have forgotten about controlling his limp.

Ratchet scoffed at Optimus’s shocked optics, “Yeah, I _thought_ so. Get your aft up, we are going no…”

“No.” Optimus said quietly, his frame beginning to tremble around him.

“What?” Ratchet almost hissed out, his optics narrowing dangerously.

“I said, no. I have plenty enough to do, and am declining your…” Optimus began, his fear growing as he watched Ratchet grow angrier and angrier in front of him.

“You will, Optimus. You will follow me there even if I have to drag you!”

“No Ratchet, I will not. Now if you will excuse me, I have work to do.” Optimus growled out, his terror turning to anger. Why can’t Ratchet just leave him be? Just leave it? It isn’t like there is anything he could do to help anyways!

Ratchet vented deeply, and tried to cool his anger, “Optimus, I am trying to help you. That is all, now… _please_ come with me… or I will alert Magnus, and he will force you to follow me.”

Optimus felt his spark burn painfully in his chassis and he couldn’t help but feel a sense of betrayal slither within its fire. “So, _old friend_ , is that where we are at now?”

The Prime’s tone stunned Ratchet and he stepped back hesitantly, “Optimus, I…”

For a moment Ratchet’s resolve almost abandoned him, yet all he needed to do was picture how Optimus had limped off this morning, his optics dull from lack of recharge, and servos shaking, and it came roaring back. “Yes, yes that is where we are at.” He crossed his arms and set his faceplates as he glared at the larger mech. **_He will come damnit! He needs help slag it, and maybe I can’t do much but anything is better than him facing this al…_**

“Fine…” Optimus snarled out, his optics narrowed as they blazed in fury. “You wish to force me against my will to do this? Fine.”

Ratchet blinked at that, guilt fleeting across his optics, “No… well I mean. Slag it Optimus, I am just trying to help...”

“NO ONE CAN HELP ME!” Optimus screamed suddenly, his fist slamming onto his desk shattering the datapad he had been reading.

Ratchet jumped back with a yelp and he watched Optimus move to the front of his desk furiously.

“You want to see, you want to see what I do to myself every night? FINE!” He opened his panels, his wretchedly torn and bruised protoform opened for all the world to see, and Ratchet gasped at the sight. “Does this satisfy you, MEDIC!? Is this what you wanted to KNOW! How far your PRIME has FALLEN!?”

Ratchet felt his frame begin to shake and coolant filled his optics as he tried to find something to say, “Optimus, I…”

“YOU WHAT!? What more do you want, Ratchet? Can you help me, CAN YOU!?” Optimus screamed out, his servos shaking with his fury. Somewhere, deep in the back of his helm he knew he was taking this too far, that he needed to calm down, but even as he thought that it just infuriated him more!

He felt embarrassed, alone, filthy, wrong, guilty… He wanted to run, run and hide even from himself, but he couldn’t so here he was, a broken shame filled wreck!

“Optimus, I don’t know… but I want to try… I do. Don’t you see that?” Ratchet stuttered out, his optics wide and desperate. **_Oh Primus, what do I do? How can I help him?_**

Optimus growled and moved closer to the shivering medic, “Then hit me… Hit me, hurt me…pleeease!” He walked until Ratchet was pressed up to one of the walls of the room, the smaller mech venting rapidly as he pressed his frame against it.

Optimus leaned down his helm inches from Ratchet’s, his own optics growing desperate, “Hurt me Ratchet, please… make the heat go away. I beg you… help meeee…”

Ratchet’s spark thundered within him, and a drip of coolant fell from his terrified optics, “I… I can’t Optimus… I… I am so sor…”

“Then get out.” Optimus snarled quietly, his voice dark and deadly serious. He stood tall once again, closing his aching panels before flinging the door open.

Ratchet stared at his Prime, his frame shaking readily now, “Op..Optimus… Please…”

“GET OUT!” Optimus screamed.

The medic vented brokenly before lowering his helm, and leaving.

Optimus slammed the door behind him, “ARRRRRRGH!” He felt shattered, just shattered.

He vented raggedly as he looked across his room, at its simplicity, its organization, its _perfection_. “AHHHHHHHH!” He screamed as he kicked at his desk, all of the neatly stack datapads tumbling from the blow. Some shattered as they fell, but the enraged mech didn’t notice, he had already moved on to his berth. He raised his pede high before _slamming_ it down upon it, and the berth cracked under his force, it’s middle snapping and the lower half almost pulling completely off the wall.

“FRAG IT!” Optimus spun around, and walked to his chair, he grabbed it roughly before lifting it and _hurling_ it across the room.

**_ARRRGH WHY! Why can’t I just be left alone! WHY!? What did I do Primus, WHAT DID I DO WRONG! Why…. Why was I punished like this…. WHHHY!? Did you want to destroy me!? DID YOOOU!?_ **

Optimus heaved, his shaking servos rising to his faceplates as he observed the destruction he had wrought. “Oh… ohhhhh… Primuuus… What am I? What… what have I become?” He suppressed as sob as he realized his room finally mirrored the mech that now inhabited it, a ruined broken mess.

The Prime sobbed again, his frame bending from its force. **_I need… I need to go, I can’t vent… I can’t… I need to go!_**

He picked himself up and immediately left the destroyed room. He walked quickly through the halls, making his way to the base’s exit.

Arcee looked up as he passed her, “Optimus? Are you alright… ahhh…. Where, where are yo…?”

He ignored her as he transformed and screeched down the tunnel that led outside leaving a confused Arcee in his wake.

He drove as fast as he could, his spark racing painfully inside of him. **_I Hate this, I hate all of THIS! FRAG YOU PRIMUS!_**

He drove wildly, much like he did the other night, yet it seemed the number of miles didn’t truly matter, not when what he was running from… was himself.

Eventually he slowed his pace, his frame aching around him, and exhaustion running deep as he did so. He merely drove aimlessly, his processor reeling in his helm when he heard a familiar sound of an engine.

 ** _Ohhh… I don’t need this right now…_** He thought bitterly as he forced himself to pull over. He figured Megatron wouldn’t stop following him until he addressed the mech so he may as well get it over with.

When he parked he instantly transformed, his masked helm looking up as Megatron circled him before transforming and landing gracefully next to him.

Megatron narrowed his optics at the Prime, a look of irritation on his faceplates. “You haven’t contacted me, why?”

Optimus sighed wearily. He always felt tired these days, regardless if he recharged or not. He suspected it was more of exhaustion born in his spark, than his frame. “Hello Megatron, what can I do for you?”

The silver mech scoffed as he walked around the tired mech, his optics thoughtful, “Me? You can’t do much for me, Prime. I am here to help you, yet you do not contact me… I feel insulted. Did my help not live up to your vast expectations Optimus? Was it not _enough_ for the Mighty Optimus Prime?”

The smaller mech groaned and his shoulders sagged in frustration, “Megatron, arrrrgh… last time… last time was a mistake.”

Megatron hummed quietly, still circling Optimus as he considered the other bots words, “A mistake? Honestly Optimus, you are filled with insults this evening, but, just to be sure… Is it _you_ that believes that, or one of your Autobot friends?”

Megatron stopped his slow walk so that he was right in front of the Prime. “If I had to guess, it would be that nosy medic, he seems to be one that cannot keep his intake shut.”

Optimus growled at the silver mech, “Megatron, it doesn’t matter. It was a mistake, and I have no desire to repeat it.”

The warlord titled his helm before nodding, “Very well, since things are so perfect for you, I suppose we should just resume our normal activities then?”

Optimus barely had a moment to blink before Megatron was on him, his sluggish processor giving him just enough sense to raise his arms to block the sudden flurry of fists that rained down on him.

“Arrrgh, frag it Megatron!” The Prime cried out as he was pushed further back with each blow.

Megatron snarled at him, “Why are you so slow, _Prime_? I thought everything was _fine?_ That _you_ were doing just fine!” He lunged at Optimus, grabbing him by the hips before throwing the smaller mech away from him.

Optimus flew through the air, his frame coming to an abrupt stop as he slammed into nearby rock face, and he crumpled to the ground weakly. “Uhhhh…” He groaned as he forced himself to his servos and knees, his helm coming up as he heard Megatron charging at him.

The silver mech roared as he threw his pede forwards and crunched it right up into the smaller mech’s chin. The impact forced Optimus’s frame to bend back, and as he did Megatron grabbed onto his throat and pulled him close.

Optimus vented painfully as he tried to rip at the large servo that held him. His optics going wider as, once again, his cursed heat began to fill his lower chassis, and as Megatron pulled him closer, he knew Megatron knew it too.

Megatron glared at him, his faceplates dark and serious, “Optimus, _you_ are a terrible liar.” He reached back before slamming his fist into the Prime’s side.

“Arrrrrgh, Megatron, let me GO!” Optimus snarled at him, gritting his denta as he clawed at the servo around his throat more desperately. The heat growing in his frame was becoming harder to ignore, and as Megatron hit him, again, and again, he felt his optics begin to roll back as his charge built.

Megatron watched as the smaller mech began to groan, and whimper, his frame arching into the punches wantonly and he shook his helm angrily. “You stupid fool, why didn’t you contact me!? Am I truly so terrible!?”

“Unnnnn… Me..Mega… Ahhhhh, YESSS Please, UNNNN!” Optimus vented raggedly now, his intake hanging open and optics shuttered as he grasped Megatron’s wrist tightly. “Pleeease… Pleease… more! MOOORE!” His panels fell open then, and when his bruised and battered spike rose up between them Megatron growled louder.

“YOU IDIOT! Look what you did to _yourself_! I could have HELPED YOU! Why, why didn’t you CONTACT ME!?” He looked up at the smaller mech, his red optics blazing furiously until he realized Optimus seemed off.

“Optimus?” He asked hesitantly as the mech writhed in his servo.

“Unnnn, don’t stop, DON’T STOP MASSSTER! PLLEEE…”

As Optimus’s helm began to lower, and his optics open, Megatron suddenly spun the mech around slamming him into the rock face before covering his optics. **_FRAG IT! I went too far? NO… he is just an idiot who ignored MY HELP! He almost imprinted on me!_**

Megatron vented as he stared at the moaning wreck in front of him, his spark raging within its chamber. He was furious Optimus hadn’t commed him but honestly, wasn’t surprised. Still… the foolish mech had let himself ignore his needs for far too long and now…

“MAAAASTER, PLEEASE!?” Optimus licked the bottom of Megatron’s servos as he shivered with lust.

Megatron growled, **_Well frag… how am I going to bring Optimus out of this?_**

**_…………………_ **

Optimus moaned openly, “Master? Master… pleeease don’t stop… unnnn….I neeeed it!” His hips pushed back against the mech that held him. He didn’t understand why his Master had stopped, had he done something wrong?

He felt a helm move close to his, soft vents tickling his audials, “Slave, listen carefully, I want your to turn off you audials, and then shutter your optics, understand?” The voice said gently, and he eagerly shook his helm.

“Yes… yes Master!” He happily complied with his Master’s need, the word going dark, and silent around him. When his Master pulled his servo away, he felt his spark skip slightly as he was left in this dark, silent world alone.

“Master?” He asked, or at least he thought he asked, as he couldn’t hear… couldn’t hear… and that scared him. He stumbled back as his spark began thundering fearfully, his pedes tripping on something before he fell backwards.

“Master, please? Can I open my optics… I don’t like the silence… please? Master… MASTER!?” Panic began to bloom madly in his spark, and he scrambled across wherever he was as he felt ghosts of terrible pain, and servos on his plating.

“Noooo… Master… please… please no! Where are you? Help… help… HELP ME!” His servos blindly led him as he began sobbing. He remembered being like this before, and it had been awful! Servos he didn’t know had ripped at him, touched him in places he didn’t want… he had been alone, in a world of constant torture, shame, darkness, silence, and AGONY, AND….

“NOOOOO!” Optimus screamed as he clawed at his optics. “OPEN, OPEN, OPEEEN!” Finally he broke through the panic long enough to focus, and his optics blazed open.

“Ahhh…ahhhh… Ohhhh my…” He curled into a ball as he onlined his audials, his sobs being one of the first things he heard. “Ohhhhh… ohhh…please….”

……………………

Megatron hated having to do that do Optimus… He knew how this training worked, what the ‘master’ would do to take every bit of power from their slave, including sight and sound. He still had trouble with the lack of noise, **_Maybe that’s why I keep Starscream around, he never shuts his intake…_**

He shook his helm as he walked up to the smaller mech. He crouched a small distance away as Optimus cried, he wanted to give the mech a moment.

Optimus shook terribly as he curled into himself, all he could feel were those awful servos. “Oooohhhh please…please… why… what did I doooo? Why…”

“I am sorry Optimus.” Megatron said quietly and the smaller mech looked at him. His large blue optics dripped coolant freely, and for a moment, Megatron could only see Orion there.

“M..Megatron?” Optimus’s frame hitched as he looked at the silver mech, Megatron’s faceplates were drawn down, worry clear on them.

“This is why I want to help you Optimus. Otherwise you _will_ become that… You will live in that horror, you will live as a slave, and do anything I, or whomever you imprint on says without hesitation. Don’t you see… Optimus, I don’t want you like that, I don’t want any mech to fall to that! So please… I know we have… I know what I _have_ done in life, but this… Arrrgh.” Megatron rubbed his helm in frustration as he tried to find the right words. “Just… just let me help you damnit. The universe needs someone like you Prime, because… because without you there is only darkness.”

Optimus stared at him, his optics wide, and conflicted, “Megatron…” He said softly as he trembled. He didn’t know why, but seeing Megatron like this; humbled, and concerned for _him_ … it pulled at something he didn’t understand, didn’t remember, but was there in his spark nonetheless.

He sobbed and suddenly scrambled towards the larger mech, “Megatron!”

Megatron instantly rushed to the Prime, his long strong arms reaching out and wrapping around Optimus tightly, the smaller mech immediately slamming his dermas against his.

The silver mech growled, and his engine revved at the contact. “Unnn, Optimus!”

Optimus moaned against him, he felt safe here in these arms and he didn’t care what Ratchet said, he wanted this, needed this! “Uhhhh Megatron, please… help meee!”

Megatron kissed the smaller mech harder, his dermas crushing against the other’s brutally. Optimus’s intake opened allowing his glossa to push in and taste him. The warlord moaned at the taste, reveling in it as he lifted the smaller mech and pushed him against the rock face roughly. “Uhhh… Optimus, you taste so good!”

He lifted Optimus’s legs as he lined his spike up with the mech’s sopping valve, and thrust in hard.

“UNNNNN! Megatron! UHHHH, yessss!” Optimus hissed as the large spike slammed into his bruised valve, but delighted in the pain, as he always did now. He quickly wrapped his legs around Megatron’s hips as he was pounded into, holding himself tightly against the larger mech.

“OHHHH Optimus, Uhhhhh, to have you wrapped around me… UNNNNN, UNN, FRAG!” Megatron growled as he nipped and bit at the smaller mech’s neck, his claws raking against Optimus’s plating as he slammed into him.

“Uhhh, Uhhh…YES! More! MORE! FRAG ME MEGATRON!” Optimus cried out as the heat in his chassis grow wonderfully. His back plates were scrapping against the rock face painfully as he whimpered and moaned against Megatron. He could smell their mingled scents, and between that and the lewd wet sucking sounds that filled the air, Optimus felt drunk off of it all.

Megatron’s pace increased, his thrusts as he slammed into the smaller mech grew more and more brutal as his own charge grew. “Unnn frag… Optimus, I want… uhhh… I want …” He suddenly bit into the crook of Optimus’s neck hard, and the smaller mech’s energon flowed into his intake.

“AHHHHHHH, MEGATRON! UNNNNNN!” Optimus threw his helm back. The luscious fullness in his valve, the claws tearing along his back, and the feeling of Megatron’s fangs deep inside him was too much and with a scream he overloaded.

“UHHHHHHHHHH, YESSSSS! YESSS!” Optimus’s optics rolled back as his valve clenched tightly around Megatron’s spike, it calipers pulling the larger mech in tight as if trying to milk the great mech of everything he had.

Megatron roared as he slammed into Optimus wildly, riding through the climax until he too found his end. He thrust hard and deep one last time into that sopping port before groaning raggedly and overloading.

“UNNNNNNN, OPTIMUUUS!” His spike erupted in the smaller mech, his thick lubricant filling the Prime so full that it squirted out around his spike and dripped heavily to the sands below them.

For a moment the stayed that way, Optimus wrapped around Megatron’s chassis, the larger mech holding him close and they both vented rapidly as they recovered.

Optimus rested his helm on Megatron’s shoulder, safely nestled between the larger mech’s helm and spikes. He felt incredible, for the first time since their last meeting, he felt sane, and in control… and safe.

“Thank you,” He whispered into the other mech’s audial as he felt his optics begin to close. He hadn’t truly recharged in so many nights, and that coupled with the day he had had, he felt he had no energy left.

Megatron groaned and held him closer, “Are you going to call me next time?”

Optimus nodded into his neck, “I was scared Megatron… but I won’t be so foolish again… I promise.”

The silver mech nodded as well, “Are you prepared to keep this from your team?”

Optimus vented deeply, sorrow filling his spark, “No… but I have to… You were right, about Ratchet… he saw us, and he knows.”

Megatron started at that, fear for the Prime growing in his spark, “Will he turn you in? Are you safe at your base?”

Optimus shrugged, “I wonder if I am safe anywhere these days.”

Megatron lowered his helm, nuzzling it against Optimus’s shoulder, “You are safe with me.”

Optimus lifted his helm, his blue optics studying the silver mech. Megatron brought his own optics up to the Prime’s and the two mechs stared at one another deeply.

Finally Optimus sighed, “I believe that… at least… in our secret moments… I need to get back to base.” His voice sounded distinctly more solemn when he said that, and Megatron lowered him, pulling his length from the Prime’s luscious warmth begrudgingly.

The two mechs sorted themselves out for a klik before they found their optics meeting once again.

“Be careful Optimus, Magnus is a mech of rules and order… if he discovers that you and I…” Megatron started worriedly, but Optimus merely nodded.

“I know Megatron… I know, but better this than becoming some mech’s slave. What of your team? Are you in any danger of…”

“HA, have you met Starscream, Optimus? When am I not in danger of mutiny? I can handle them.” Megatron moved close to the smaller mech, his servo rising to lightly trace the smaller mech’s helm, his spark fluttering oddly as Optimus leaned into his touch, just a bit, but it was something.

“I look forward to seeing you again.” Megatron said quietly, and he was amazed by how true that really was.

Optimus looked up at him, his inner battle raging before he stepped in closer, and lightly kissed Megatron’s cheek before turning and after transforming, driving away.

The warlord smiled as he watched the other mech drive off. **_Frag it all… what is going to become of this? Tragedy or perhaps… peace?_**

**_…………………….._ **

Optimus walked along the entrance tunnel quietly, he wasn’t certain who would be in the main base at this breem, and he really didn’t want to answer any awkward questions.

Of course… fate was against him and as he turned the corner he saw Ratchet standing at the console. The medic was turned so he could watch him walk in, his arms crossed around his chest plates as he glared at his Prime.

“Bout time.” He said angrily, his pede tapping in irritation.

Optimus vented at the show of anger, “Ratchet, I owe you an apology, for earlier. I was... I let myself get too worked up, and I apologize for taking my frustrations out on y…”

“Is that a bite mark?” Ratchet asked suddenly, his frame freezing as he stared at Optimus’s neck.

Optimus’s spark froze as well, his servo unconsciously going to where Megatron had bitten him. His self-repair systems had already cleared the claw marks, but the bite had been quite a bit deeper, and he had forgotten about it.

Optimus looked at Ratchet evenly then, knowing he couldn’t hide what had happened, never it seemed with the medic and simply said. “Yes.”

Ratchet looked like he was going to say something, have some retort but after a moment, his shoulders merely sagged, and he just looked exhausted. “I am not going to lie for you anymore, but I won’t say anything either. You keep your secrets… fine, but keep me out of them.”

Optimus blinked as the medic turned back around and began working on the console once again. He instantly felt guilty. Poor Ratchet, Ratchet that had seen his entire torture, who had been there to clean up the pieces, who had to build his frame back to normalcy, that always wanted to help… **_I have been so selfish… thinking only of my needs and concerns, and forgetting his…_**

Optimus walked up to his oldest friend, his spark heavy, “Ratchet I…”

“Please Prime, I have work to do.” Ratchet said quietly, his voice low, and broken sounding.

The larger mech stepped back, his helm hanging shamefully before turning and making his way to his berth room.

Before he disappeared down the hall he heard Ratchet call out to him, “I… I am glad you are safe.” And Optimus couldn’t help but feel guiltier after that.

He opened his berth room door and was immediately graced with the destruction he had caused earlier, and he groaned wearily at the sight.

He began to sort it out as best he could. There was nothing he could do for the berth, that was destroyed, but he righted the chair, and moved the desk back where it should be. He placed all of the functioning datapads on the desk, and piled the shattered ones off in a corner.

When the room was sorted as best it could be, Optimus sat heavily in his chair and laid his helm on his desk. Though his spark was heavy with guilt, fears, and secrets, the moment his helm hit the desk he felt himself begin falling to recharge.

As the darkness took him he found himself suddenly thinking of Megatron, and when he would be able to see the mech again, and he was surprised with how that filled his spark with excitement.

…………………………

The next few weeks went by, and every mech in the Autobot base was thrilled with how well their leader was doing. He no longer only hid in his berth room, but he came out and spoke to them, even mingled and joked at times.

He became more active in decisions and plans, as even though Megatron’s efforts had become _surprisingly_ less aggressive, there was still Starscream when he went solo suddenly, Airachnid, and MECH to contend with.

Yes, every mech was thrilled with their Prime’s recovery, all except for Ratchet. He hid his unhappiness well enough, being that he was always a grumpy old mech in the first place, but he did distance himself from Optimus more and more these days.

The medic had to admit he was pleased to not see Optimus so broken, but _how_ the mech was healing was a terribly sore spot for the medic.

He knew, every time Optimus went on patrol at night that he was meeting up with Megatron, and even with Optimus’s improvements, Ratchet couldn’t help but fear for a night where his oldest friend didn’t make it back home.

After Lockdown the medic had his own nightmares to contend with, and they seemed to be worsening as time passed. Perhaps it is because he wasn’t so set on helping Optimus now that the effects of that month were finally coming to the surface, he didn’t know. What he did know was that as he woke screaming, and flailing after seeing Optimus being raped or beaten over, and over again every night, and then saw his Prime run off to Megatron’s arms, his spark began to fill with an unexpected bitterness.

He was angry at Optimus’s trust in the silver mech, and he was growing disgusted at the small scratches and bite marks the Prime would still have on him when he returned. Not only that, but how the Prime was lying to his team about all of this, it made his spark burn. Optimus could turn to the mech that destroyed their world but not trust his own team!?

Soon he was having trouble even looking at the mech, his spark filling with fury every time his Prime was near. How could the mech not see what he was doing was wrong!? How could he talk to Bee who was damn near ripped apart by the warlord, and then go frag his attacker into the ground?

It would be like Ratchet smiling and laughing with Optimus, and then running off to Lockdown, just to come back and smile and _lie_ some MORE!

And worst of all was that no one knew of any of this _but_ Ratchet! So… that made him just as guilty in his optics, and THAT was unfair, THAT was wrong! Ratchet would never ask Optimus to lie for him over something like this, to hide it, so why, WHY did he have to do it for him!?

As the solar-cycles passed, and his nightmares, and disgust grew, Ratchet began to just leave when Optimus tried to speak to him. The larger mech’s blue optics dimming in shame and guilt as he stomped away, but Ratchet found himself unable to care. Until Optimus stopped this betrayal, stopped the lies, he wanted nothing to do with the mech he once cared the world about.

………………………..

Optimus vented as he watched Ratchet storm off once more, his spark heavy with guilt and regret. He wished he could speak to the smaller mech, let him know why he was doing what he was doing, and why he had to keep it quiet.

Ratchet didn’t understand the changes he had seen in Megatron recently. He didn’t see the concern and care, didn’t know the mech beyond the war, not like Optimus did now.

He met with the silver mech often, at first their meetings only consisting of physical engagements, but as time passed both leaders found themselves talking more. They spoke of their teams, of certain things in the war. Sometimes it would lead to arguments, both mechs defending their actions and choices, but even that began to change.

Slowly Megatron opened up enough to say he never expected the war to grow so heated, so consuming. He spoke of how he used to revel in the chaos until the death tolls continued to grow and he realized what he had created. It was too late then of course, and Cybertron’s light died shortly after that.

He spoke, hesitantly at first, over his hate of Optimus as well. How he had blamed him from taking the one mech he loved away from him. Optimus listened as he spoke of Orion Pax, and what they used to share, amazed at the gentle longing he heard in Megatron’s voice.

The warlord never got too deep into his and Orion’s his history explaining it was too painful, but he did say that the mech’s loss helped start the war.

Optimus didn’t know what to say to that, guilt filtering through his spark as he realized if it weren’t for his existence, perhaps the war wouldn’t have occurred in the first place.

Beyond talking of the war, and past Optimus and Megatron slowly got to know of one another as well. The Prime was especially intrigued by the discovery of Megatron’s hobby of writing poetry. 

After a particularly bad fight where Optimus had avoided the larger mech for days until his heat forced him to seek out the warlord, Megatron had asked him to stay meekly after his heat was sated. Optimus had been about to tell the bigger mech to frag off, but the look in Megatron's optics gave him pause, and with a reluctant sigh he had moved off to sit away from the mech. 

When Megatron had suddenly produced a datapad, Optimus had felt the shadow of very similar, and long forgotten memories pull at his spark, and he found himself entranced by the larger mech.

The silver mech had started reading from the pad stiffly at first, reading a poem of a terrible battle on Cybertron. The larger bot had read his passionate words numbly, yet as time went on his voice began to reflect the pain of each death, each failure he had faced that day.

Optimus had slowly made his way closer and closer to the other mech, his spark aching with the morbid tale, remembering many a battle that he felt the same kind of sorrow.

By the end of the first poem, both mechs found themselves leaning against one another, Optimus enjoying Megatron’s deep voice as he read. He was amazed by the depth Megatron had, and the pain the mech had gone through. Much of his poetry reflected his emotions during the war, and they were filled with his disgust, and self-hatred as he destroyed the world his lover Orion used to adore.

In all, with each night Optimus began to see the mech behind the monster, and as he did he found himself considering Megatron in a different way… Yet, he feared his Autobots would never get to see him in such a way.

The Prime rubbed his helm as he stared after Ratchet. He had hoped over time Ratchet would come to see how what he was doing with Megatron was helping him, and in a way helping Megatron. Optimus even had hope that if they continued on this way, a truce could be made… maybe?

He vented out once again as he looked towards the med bay, he was supposed to meet up with Megatron soon, so he didn’t have much time but… “Oh Primus… please help me…” He whispered as he followed after the medic.

Maybe, just maybe he could get through to the smaller mech, if he would just listen.

…………………..

Ratchet heard the clinic’s doors open and peered over his shoulder to see Optimus enter. **_Oh great, what now?_**

He huffed as he continued cleaning his tools, turning his helm away from the larger mech.

“Ratchet? I was wondering if perhaps I could… If I could speak with you?” Optimus started hesitantly.

“I am busy Prime.” Ratchet said darkly not turning from his chore.

Optimus nodded, “I understand that, I…” He sighed, unsure how to get through to his oldest friend. “Ratchet, do you hate me?”

The medic’s servos stopped, and his shoulders sagged under an unseen weight, “Optimus… no. I don’t hate you.”

Optimus was about to smile at that, hope flickering in his spark until Ratchet turned and glared at him. “I do however, hate how you are deceiving your team every solar-cycle. I hate how comfortable you are with lying to them all. I hate how you can look at Bumblebee, hear his ruined vocalizer, and then go frag the mech that hurt him so badly like IT NEVER HAPPENED!”

Optimus looked away, his optics growing dim, “Ratchet… I… He is helping me, can’t you see how much better I am doing?”

“OH YES, I _see_ it. I do, but I also see how you trust that evil fragger more than your own TEAM!” Ratchet growled out, his servos fisting at his sides.

“That… that is not… I just can’t ask any of you to do this for me. How could I? And, and if I don’t do this… Ratchet, I crumble.” Optimus pleaded with the other mech his voice strained with desperation.

“How long is this going continue, huh? How long until Megatron knows he has you wrapped around his digits, and decides to attack us? What will you do then Prime? Join him?” Ratchet snarled out, his anger growing with each word.

The Larger mech looked at him incredulously, “What!? No Ratchet! The Autobots are my family! I would never betray you all! How can you even think something like…”

“A family you lie to! A family you hide from, and don’t trust to help you! A family you laugh with, live with all the while you… you _sneak_ off and stab them IN THE BACK!”

Optimus felt his spark begin to thunder in his chassis, “Ratchet, I… I am not…”

“HOW BOUT THIS! You go, and you tell Bee about you and Megatron, you tell him, _explain_ it to _him_ , and see what he thinks. Or Arcee! Tell her what you have been doing on your _patrols_ , and see what she says, better yet TELL CLIFFJUMPER!” Ratchet screamed, his frame shaking as he stepped closer to the retreating Prime. “Oh what’s that? YOU CAN’T? That is right BECAUSE HE IS DEAD! Oh, well what about KUP, HOUND, PERCEPTOR…”

Optimus felt like his spark was crumbling, “Please Ratchet, calm down…. Please?”

“SILVERBOLT, BEACHCOMBER…”

A sob escaped the Prime, “Please Ratchet… stop…”

“BLUESTREAK, HOIST…” Ratchet followed him, his optics blazing with fury.

“Stop…” Optimus begged, coolant falling from his optics, and he stumbled backwards out of the med bay. He fell onto his back struts painfully as he tripped over the clinic’s entrance yet still Ratchet followed him.

“HUBCAP, SEASPRAY…”

Magnus’s voice suddenly broke through for a klik, and he yelled at the two mechs, “What is going on here! Ratchet, what are you doing?” His optics widened as they fell to the fallen sobbing Prime.

“ALL OF THEM PRIME! Do you think of THEM when you HAVE MEGATRON’S SPIKE INSIDE YOU! DO YOU!?” Ratchet screamed so loud his vocalizer had almost become a screeching mess, and soon the entire team had come out to see what the commotion was.

Ratchet suddenly gasped as he realized what he had said, where he was, and who was around them. “I… I mean…” He looked up to Magnus, the large mech was glaring between the two of them, his optics dark and calculating.

“What did you say, Ratchet?” Magnus asked his voice even, but very low.

Optimus moaned brokenly, his servos going to his helm as he curled up on the floor of the base.

“I… ah… I…” Ratchet stuttered, his spark hammering now for a totally different reason. **_Oh noo… what… what have I done? WHAT HAVE I DONE!?_**

Magnus looked at the balled up Prime, “Optimus Prime, what… what is going on here? Are you… was what Ratchet said true? Have you been… with Megatron?”

Optimus felt his spark shatter within him, as he looked up at the blue mech. He looked around him, at all of the horrified yet disbelieving faceplates of his team and he hung his helm in shame. “Yes Magnus, Megatron and I… I have been meeting with him during my patrols, and we… we engage in… we interface.”

Magnus’s normally stoic faceplates fell as he reeled with what his Prime admitted to. “Optimus… that is treason.” He said quietly, saddness and shock bleeding through.

Optimus nodded slowly, forcing himself to stand, “Yes… yes it is.”

The base was silent, all of the bots in shock until finally Magnus shook his helm and set his faceplates back to neutral. “Optimus Prime, you a charged with high treason. As the current leader of the Autobot forces currently inhabiting Earth, I am placing you under arrest. You will remain in custody until a proper trial can be arranged. Bulkhead, please retrieve a pair of stasis cuffs.”

The wrecker looked lost for a moment but slowly went about his grisly task.

Ratchet’s optics bulged, “What!? Magnus, you can’t be serious!? This… this is Optimus! He...he is just dealing with... his torture...and..."

Magnus glared at him, “Fraternizing with the enemy is a serious offense Ratchet, you know this as well as I. His torture is even more of a reason to believe his actions are that of an unstable mech. You as a professional must see this! He could easily have brought even more danger to his team. The Prime I know would never, ever betray his team like this! Not only that, but lie about it, and for how long has he been keeping this secret from us?"

Ratchet gaped at the larger mech, and he couldn't help but notice how Magnus's words reflected the very things he had been thinking of his Prime... The medic felt his spark burn with guilt. 

Optimus merely hung his helm lower. What Magnus was saying was not untrue... He had been unstable recently, but his choice with Megatron, though initially unwanted, and picked out of desperation was for the best... Perhaps if he hadn't foolishly hidden everything from his team... they would trust him more now? So...who was really to blame for their reaction them... or himself.

Magnus peered down at the smaller mech, suspicion in his optics, "As for you Ratchet, you had knowledge of his betrayal?”

Optimus shook his helm interrupting anything the medic was going to say, “Ratchet is innocent in this Magnus. He tried to stop me, and was only trying to protect all of you. That was how our argument started to begin with. Please do not make him suffer for my poor choices.”

Ratchet looked over an Optimus, his spark clenched with awful guilt, but Magnus nodded. “Very well.” The blue mech grated out.

Bulkhead returned, his optics dim as he handed the stasis cuffs to Magnus.

The larger mech walked up to his Prime and Optimus offered his wrists freely. “Ratchet, please disable Optimus’s comm systems. I want to be certain he cannot communicate with any mech unless authorized, and supervised.”

Ratchet still couldn’t believe what was happening, and he numbly walked up to Optimus. The larger mech knelt on one knee before him, tilting his helm for better access to the necessary wiring. He didn’t look at Ratchet as the medic worked on him, he didn’t look at any mech, just stared pointedly at the floor.

When Ratchet was done, Optimus stood once more and walked closer to Magnus. “I am ready.” Was all the Prime said before Magnus led him away to the holding cells.

As Ratchet watched them go he found himself shaking in shock, and terrible overwhelming guilt. **_Oh Gods… what have I done? I never meant to… I.. what have I done?_**

**_……………………_ **

Megatron got to his and Optimus’s normal meeting spot and settled in the soft grass to wait. He had brought some very special poetry tonight, some of his more recent pieces, all of which were more or less inspired by their interactions.

He had figured it was time to let Optimus know just what had been going on in his spark over the last few weeks. He found himself nervous though, revealing such truths was rather embarrassing, and he almost felt vulnerable. Would Optimus feel the same? Would he give him a chance?

During their time together Megatron had grown fond of their nights, and not just physically, though that part was rather inspiring as well…

He found himself thinking of Optimus often, and how they had gotten to the point they were at now. Those thoughts always led to thinking of where this might all lead as well.

He smiled as he thought of the future, feeling a strange hope growing inside him. He was tired of this war, he hated this planet, and he began to wonder if _together_ , both Decepticons and Autobots could work to restore _their_ world. **_Stranger things have happened…_**

As the sky grew dark, and only stars shined above him, Megatron checked his chronometer. **_Optimus is late?_**

In some ways this shouldn’t have worried him, the Autobot couldn’t always get out of his base on time, so at first Megatron just shrugged it off. He settled down rereading his works, his nerves growing as the kliks passed.

After another breem passed, and still no word from Optimus, Megatron was growing more concerned. Usually Optimus would have commed him by now to let him know he would be running late…

As the second breem passed and there was still no word from the Prime, Megatron began to grow restless. He paced in their little cove, his processor reeling with what could have happened with the mech. **_Is he just held up? Is he in trouble? Who could it be, MECH, Airachnid, that slimy Starscream?_**

Finally, in the third breem Megatron had had enough and commed Soundwave for a bridge back. When he arrived at his base he instructed Soundwave to send Laserbeak to infiltrate the Autobot base.

The little bot had infiltrated the base numerous times over the vorns, but it never came without danger, so Megatron rarely asked Soundwave to utilize Laserbeak in this manner unless it was an emergency.

The spy bot immediately detached the mini-con, and set him off on his mission.

Megatron vented as he watched Laserbeak fly off. **_Optimus… what has happened to you? Am I just being foolish about my concern, or are you in trouble?_**

He sat heavily in his command chair as he waited. He wasn’t sure how long it would take the mini-con to break into the base, or get word back to him about whatever had happened to the Prime so for now, all he could do was wait.

His processor flickered with images of when Lockdown had brought Optimus off of his ship, and he felt his denta grit painfully.

**_You had better be fine Optimus, or whoever has hurt you will suffer greatly for it._ **


	4. Sliver of Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Chapter 4 haha, this was meant to be so much shorter! I must say thank you to those that have commented or given kudos to this, I know it is dark, and can be heavy, so it isn't super welcomed with open arms... yet, thank you to those for giving it a chance, thus why we have chapter 4 haha. I hope you enjoy, this one is heavy as well... but the whole damn story is haha. Sorry for errors! Hope you enjoy!

Optimus knelt in the cold cell, his spark heavy with shame. He vented out as he stared at the dull pitted floor beneath him.

He didn’t blame Magnus, or Ratchet, or his team, they were just doing what they thought was right. He knew Ratchet hadn’t meant to reveal his secret, but the things he said beforehand… that had stung with brutal truth.

He went over the designations of his dead friends over and over again… slowly torturing himself with his guilt. “Ohhhh, Primus… what… what have I done?” He moaned as he stood and moved over to the darkest corner of his new cage before sitting down and leaning against the bars.

Magnus was kind enough to not shackle anything more than his wrists, and by all rights he could have done more. Plus, his servos were linked in front of him, not behind so it was far more comfortable than what other prisoners would have…

 ** _Prisoners…_** Optimus’s optics fell to his shackles, his spark heavy. **_I am a prisoner of my own team… but I deserve this… I deserve…e..every…th…thing…_**

He brought his servos to his helm, rubbing at his optics as he tried to quell the flare of despair that had suddenly burned in his spark.

He wasn’t certain how many nights it had been since he had been placed in his small cell, he estimated four, maybe five? He had no desire to check his chronometer, he didn’t want to know for certain. He was, however, becoming more and more aware of the growing need in his chassis, and that he _dreaded_. Being locked in here allowed him no privacy, so if it got as bad as he was certain it would, his whole team would know the kind of disgusting creature he had become…

So far none but Magnus and Ratchet had come down to see him. Magnus had said he wasn’t allowing the rest of them team down for now, and Ratchet was only there to check on him medically.

Magnus had questioned him, questions he couldn’t truly answer himself.

The larger mech had stood outside of his cell on the second day, his blue optics dim, and arms crossed. “Why Prime?” His first question.

Optimus was huddled in the furthest, darkest corner of his cell. He had found it to be his most private area, and it gave him some level of comfort. “Lockdown used a particular training on me, evidently. It… it requires me to, I need to…” Optimus had vented out in frustration then, how was he to explain this?

Ratchet looked between the two mechs, his frame hanging heavy with shame and guilt, “It seems Magnus, that Optimus can be in a heat of sorts that needs to be… uhhh satisfied, but not just through interfacing but… but pain.”

Magnus kept his optics on Optimus, his faceplates ever still and collected, “What occurs if you do not satisfy these, urges?”

The Prime sighed wearily, “It seems that the purpose of the training is so that, I… I would… If not taken care of I could become, what I was to Lockdown…in the end.” His vocalizer ached and his glossa felt thick in his intake.

“What were you to Lockdown, in the end Prime?” Magnus asked, his voice softer now, and it held traces of sorrow.

Ratchet glared at the taller mech, “Frag it Magnus! Must you continue to push…”

“Yes. Obviously you both have been lax in explaining the extent of the torture.” The blue mech looked down at Ratchet, anger now bleeding through his field. “I let it go before, I _trusted_ you, now I need to know the truth.”

“I was his slave.” Optimus’s hollow voice sounded from his dark corner, pulling the two glaring Autobots out of their staring match.

The Prime shifted his pedes, pulling his legs ever closer to his chest. “I was his slave. I didn’t think, I didn’t want anything but whatever he wanted me to. I begged for it all in the end Magnus, every beating, every rape… I wanted it, cr…cra…craved it.” Optimus rubbed his faceplates with shaking servos as he tried to ignore the constant echoes of servos he always felt.

Magnus vented, setting his faceplates once more, “So technically, you putting yourself out there with Megatron, he… he could do this to you. Make you his slave?”

Optimus sighed, “He hasn’t, and yes he has had the chance.”

Magnus fisted his servos in a rare show of anger, “You took that chance every time you went to him. You risked your entire team’s safety. What if he had utilized that power Prime? Then sent you back to us, to pretend that everything was fine. How… HOW do I KNOW you aren’t compromised RIGHT NOW!?”

The blue mech’s fury echoed throughout the holding area, and Optimus could only stare at the floor before him, “You don’t.”

Ratchet growled, “I know he isn’t damnit! Look at him Magnus! I mean would, would you know how to handle life after what he has been through?”

Magnus tried to still his hammering spark, “No I wouldn’t, and that is why… right now Optimus Prime is a threat to his team, and that is not excusable.”

“I agree.” Optimus said softly, bringing his helm up to finally look at the two mechs outside of his cage. “I am sorry for lying, it was wrong. I should have, I should have been better… I accept whatever punishment, yet I also ask you to look beyond your rage at me. Look at how Megatron has acted recently and see how he has been different. I believe he is trying to, to change…perhaps. Call a meeting with him, _speak_ with him. I have spoken with him through this and I think it is possible to hope for a peaceful…”

“ENOUGH!” Magnus cried out causing Ratchet to step away from the mech in surprise. The blue mech rubbed his optics roughly, “That kind of… that kind of talk is what I am talking about Prime. Were you compromised, would you not sound just like this? Peace, with Megatron? As much as I would love to believe that possible…”

“Perhaps it _is_ Magnus!” Optimus pressed, his optics glowing brighter with hope. “As a leader you cannot overlook such possibilities! You need to…”

“DO NOT speak to me about leadership, Prime. Not… not now…” Magnus’s frame suddenly seemed to sag, as if all of his energy dissipated in that very instant.

He looked over at his Prime to find the mech staring at the floor once again, his optics dim. “I… I need to address my team. They already hate me for locking you up, now I need to… Ratchet can keep an optic on you, I don’t want you to suffer Prime, I…. I, need to tell the team everything you have told me. They need, and deserve to understand what is truly going on.”

Optimus nodded but remained silent, and Magnus sighed before walking towards the upper levels of their base.

Soon it was just Ratchet and Optimus, the medic fidgeting awkwardly outside of the bars. Optimus stayed in his corner, his optics never leaving the floor before him.

“Optimus…” Ratchet started quietly, but he couldn’t find the words.

Optimus curled into himself, “I do not blame you, Ratchet. With Lockdown, you were just as hurt as I was and now we are presented with circumstances that neither of us ever thought we would need to face, or would wish to. I am sorry… for everything.” The Prime’s voice was low, and heavy sounding.

Ratchet grabbed his helm, his suffocating guilt making his frame ache, “Optimus… I am s..so sorry for…”

“I deserve this, Ratchet. Now… may I be left alone, old friend?” The larger mech turned more towards the back bars, and he leaned his weary helm against the cool metal shuttering his optics as he did so.

The medic stared brokenly at his oldest friend. He wanted to talk to him, beg for his forgiveness, say he could find a way to fix everything but… he honestly didn’t know what to do. He sighed as he turned to follow Magnus’s path out of the lower levels, his optics looking back just for a moment before leaving.

…

That had been three, perhaps four solar-cycles ago, at least that is what Optimus guessed. Ratchet came down a few other times, he would scan Optimus’s frame, check on his systems, and give him energon. At times the medic attempted to speak with him, yet Optimus would merely remain silent and in his corner. He had nothing left to say.

So Ratchet would mumble an apology, as he did every day before leaving his Prime to his cold, dark silence. The Prime would walk over then and grab his little cube before settling back into his corner. He had fueled in the beginning, but as the days passed he found his appetite waning and he merely subspaced the cubes for whenever his appetite would return.

Optimus shivered as he was left to the only company that he knew would never leave him… his nightmares.

It didn’t start off with nightmares though. Like many nights, before he became a prisoner, he had begun with dreaming of Megatron. Sometimes it was them on a more physical level but others held his poetry, or them restoring Cybertron together. Some held peace, some sparklings even… yet as the days passed, his nightmares began to return, and with them his cursed heat.

He had woken from one such nightmare tonight. He had luckily pulled himself out of it before it became too terrible, but he still woke shaking, venting heavily, and with the ever growing heat in his chassis.

He curled up in his corner, his servos gripping his helm as he tried to calm down. His valve and spike ached, yearning to be touched, to release the charge that had built up, but he refused. Couldn’t he do this without Megatron!? Couldn’t he be stronger than what that monster had done to him?

Optimus began rocking as he forced himself to ignore his training, his heat… **_Please… please stop… please… I can’t… I can’t do this… I need help… I need…_**

Suddenly the door to the holding area opened, and heard the familiar pede steps of Ratchet coming down. **_Ratchet!? What is he doing here? Does he normally come so late at night, and I am just in recharge?_**

He stilled his frame and shuttered his optics, hoping he could just pretend to be in recharge. He listened as the steps grew closer, and he heard a sad sigh. The medic stopped in front of his cage, and Optimus heard the beep of a scanner. There were a few more beeps as Ratchet went through the readings, and Optimus hoped he would just leave until he heard Ratchet swear.

“Fragger’s fuel levels are in the red…” The medic whispered frustratingly.

The Prime wasn’t certain what Ratchet would do, wake him and force him to fuel, or just leave it until tomorrow… he was not however, expecting the smaller mech to open the cage and walk towards him. **_Nooo… please Ratchet. Leave me be… don’t… don’t touch me, please I don’t want to…_**

When Ratchet’s servo landed on his heated plating, Optimus couldn’t help but moan at the feeling, and he hated himself for it.

The servo pulled back just as quickly, and the smaller mech swore once again. “Op…Optimus? Optimus, are you alright?”

The Prime groaned internally, “Ratchet, please… please go…” He whispered out, keeping his optics shuttered as he did so.

The medic huffed, and there was a scratching noise like he was rubbing his helm. “Optimus… I… you’re feverish… is it… Do you need…”

“Please go…” Optimus begged, his voice gruff from lack of use. “Please… just go.” He leaned his burning helm against the coolness of the bars, a small moan escaping him as he did so. **_Why, why must everything be so hot all of the time?_**

Ratchet vented out, indecision and worry filtering through his spark. “Optimus… I can’t… Do you want me to induce stasis?” Other than that Ratchet had no idea what to do for the larger mech… except of course, do the thing he needed, the thing he longed for…

“No, no it will… It will lock me in my nightmares, but thank you for the thought.” Optimus pulled his legs closer, well aware of the lubricant that had begun to leak from his panels. He desperately hoped if Ratchet noticed, he wouldn’t say anything.

Ratchet had indeed noticed the younger mech’s scent was sweetly filtering through the air, and his spark went out to his Prime. **_How much more must this mech go through? How many more nights until he begins to damage himself once more? He is once again locked away, in pain, alone, and I… I am at fault for it! I did this to him, I was just… I let my worry turn to anger… and now… Oh Optimus, I only wanted to keep you safe… I never wanted to hurt you further…_**

“Please go Ratchet, your… I can f..feel the heat of your frame against mine and…” Optimus moaned and curled deeper into himself.

Ratchet’s faceplates fell and he felt his spark sink at how wretchedly destroyed his Prime sounded. He grit his denta suddenly, anger growing were the desperation had settled. **_He deserves better! This is my fault, and… and I can at least… I can…_**

Ratchet invented deep as he made his decision and moved closer to the larger mech. He wasn’t going to ask, because he knew Optimus would refuse for his sake, and he angrily took the Prime’s legs in each servo and ripped them apart.

Optimus’s helm flew up, is optics wide, “Ratchet! What are yoUUUUUNNNN!” He moaned raggedly as the medic rubbed between his legs roughly. “R..Raaatchet… what are yoooou uhhh, what…” Optimus tried to focus on his friend and not the incredible feelings coming from between his thighs.

“Something I should have done from the start damnit! Now shut up and open your panels!” The medic demanded as he forced his digits to push painfully into the seams of Optimus’s interface plates.

“Ahhhhhh!” Optimus fought lifting his hips, “NOOO! No I won’t dooo arrrrgh, I won’t…” He tried to speak, to focus but it felt too good!

“OPEN!” Ratchet demanded taking one of the Prime’s audial finials between his digits and pinching it hard.

Optimus howled and his hips bucked into Ratchet’s servo, “AHHHH RATCHET! Please… I don’t want to hu…hurt you…”

“Oh Optimus, I am so sorry. I should have just gotten over myself, then you wouldn’t be here, and wouldn’t have had to go to _him.”_ Ratchet growled in frustration and he let his anger lead him. It wasn’t anger at the Prime… it was all the anger that he had built up for himself. For never being able to help Optimus when Lockdown had them, for not being able to give his friend what he needed in the days after, for Optimus having to turn to Megatron because of his weakness, for yelling at the Prime and saying all of those hateful things, for being the reason he was in a CAGE, a PRISONER once again but this time to his OWN TEAM!

He felt coolant fill his optics and he rubbed Optimus’s panels harder, “FRAG IT! OPEN OPTIMUS! Let me give this to you, PLEASE! PLEASE! It… it is all I can DO!”

Optimus opened his optics, the desperation in his friend’s voice digging deep into his spark. He saw the coolant in the smaller mech’s optics, and felt his own begin to burn. The Prime suddenly threw himself forwards, grabbing Ratchet by the waist and pulled him into his lap, it was a bit hard to do as his servos were cuffed together, but he managed. The surprised mech yelped as he was pulled close, his optics widening even more as Optimus lifted his cuffed arms over his helm, and just held him.

Ratchet felt the larger mech’s helm fall to his shoulder and he vented out raggedly, “Optimus, what… what are you…”

“I am sorry… I am so sorry, Ratchet… I… can’t let you do this… I lo…love you too much to let you do this to yourself.” The Prime sobbed out, his frame beginning to shake around the smaller mech.

Ratchet froze, the anger that had consumed a moment before falling away as Optimus broke before him. “Optimus… please… I, I don’t know what else I can do. You, frag it… you deserve so much better…” Ratchet felt his own tears begin to fall, and he wrapped his own arms around the larger mech’s chassis.

Optimus’s frame began to jerk as his cries heightened in strength, and volume, and for once… he didn’t care. He let himself feel. He let himself feel broken about everything that had happened, he stopped needing to be perfect, he stopped being a Prime and most important of all, he stopped lying about how destroyed he felt.

“R..Ratchet… it hurts so muuuuuch. I ha..have r..ruined EVERYTHING! Why! WHHHYYY! AHHHHHHHHH! ARRRRRGHHHH!!!!” He curled his arms around the smaller mech desperately, his helm buried deep into the crook of Ratchet’s neck as he screamed. “WHAT DID HE DO TO MEEEE!? AHHHHHH! I HA…HAAATE HIIIM! I HATE MY..MYSELF! I HATE MYSEEEEELF! I… ahhhh…. Raaatchet…”

Ratchet held his Prime, his friend as tightly as he could, his optics dripping, yet he didn’t breakdown. He held on, he was the rock this time, and let Optimus shatter. “It’s alright Optimus… I got you… let it out… Let it all out… I will hold you together…” He whispered through the screams, his servo rubbing the larger mech’s helm.

“AHHHHH, Ratchet… I can’t.. I am breaking… I don’t know… I don’t know wh..what to doooo! Whhhyyyy, what did I do? WHAT DID I DOOO, PRIIIMUS!? I am ruined… ruined… Ohhhh…haaaa… it hurts…. it always h..h..hurts.” Optimus groaned suddenly as his empty tanks rolled sickly inside him. He picked his arms up over Ratchet and immediately leaned away from the smaller mech as he began retching, of course there was nothing within him to vomit, so his frame just heaved painfully.

Ratchet moved off of him and helped bring Optimus to his servos as knees. He rubbed the larger mech’s back in slow circles, his spark aching as he watched the younger mech. **_Oh Optimus… I am so sorry… for everything…_**

Optimus’s heaving finally eased and he groaned as Ratchet led him to lay on his side. Ratchet lay down behind him, his right arm falling over Optimus’s side and he pulled the larger mech close to him. “I got you… I got ya Optimus. I won’t leave you… you recharge, ok? Try at least... If you have a nightmare, I will be here with you. You… you have been alone in this for too long. I… I wanna stay, ok? Can I stay?”

Optimus sobbed weakly but nodded his helm, “I… I love you Ratchet… th…thank you…” His optics shuttered, and though he was almost instantly in recharge his frame still hitched now and then, and his optics emptied their last tears.

The medic curled around Optimus tighter before whispering, “I love you too…”

……………………

It didn’t take long for the nightmares to haunt him once again and as the Prime jerked awake he was surprised to find an arm around him. **_What?_**

He turned his helm to find Ratchet in heavy recharge next to him, evidently the mech hadn’t been sleeping much recently as he was usually a light sleeper.

Optimus sighed as he remembered what Ratchet had tried to do, and he felt guilt eat at his spark slightly. **_At least I had enough control to stop him…_**

He almost felt proud of himself then, except as he felt the heat slowly building within him, and became increasingly aware of how warm Ratchet’s frame was next to his…

He moaned quietly as he slowly untangled himself from the older mech and pulled himself into his corner once again.

Optimus stared at the pitted grey floor, his frame trembling as he fought the consuming need in his lower chassis. He looked over at Ratchet’s recharging frame, panic beginning to settle in his spark as the fire built to an agonizing level. **_I can’t do anything… not with him here! Ohh…. Why Primus… can’t this just be done? Why, why hasn’t this ended? Hasn’t this ruined enough of me? Of my team… of Ratchet?_**

He leaned his helm back, his optics shuttered as he pulled his legs tight to him. His venting was becoming ragged as the white hot pain crawled along his plating, searing deep into each seam, each gear and soon even the lightest breeze seemed to be a light caress.

“Unnnnnn…” The Prime moaned and he felt his servos twitch as he tried to keep them from his aching panels. He lowered his helm to his knees, and brought his cuffed servos over it, his digits crushing against him painfully. The pain though only made him groan louder, and unconsciously he continued to apply pressure, his hips wiggling as the discomfort increased.

Soon he was gasping, and he began scrapping his servos against his helm. Between the terrible fire between his thighs, and the wonderful scratching along the back of his helm, Optimus could feel a charge began to grow deep within him.

“Uuuugh…” He bit his lower derma in an attempt to stay silent, yet that sting mingled with all of the rest and he shivered in agonizing bliss. **_Ugh… I have, I have to stop… need to stop… Ratchet is here and… and I can’t hu…hurt him! He can’t… seee ARRRRRRGH!_**

His panels opened then, and he strangled out a broken whimper as the cold air in the holding area brushed against his heated spike, and valve.

“ARRRRRGH!” The Prime could take it no longer and with a desperate howl his shackled servos dropped down and fisted his spike painfully. As his wrists were cuffed he could only reach either his port or spike, so he had to frustratingly touch one or the other.

He began to jerk himself wildly, no longer aware of anything but the burning pleasure that was emanating from his throbbing length. He forced his servos to clench around himself with crushing force and he dragged them up and down frantically. It had been so long since he had a release, so very long… and the last time had been as Megatron lay above him.

Optimus moaned as he thought about the larger mech shimmering above him, the silver mech’s claws digging deep into his seams, and down his plating. His jagged denta biting and nipping across his collar and then that wonderful glossa licking over the wounds making them sting delightfully.

Yet it didn’t always hurt with Megatron… when Optimus’s needs were sated they would sit together, the Decepticon’s arm wrapped around his shoulders, and him snuggled close into the larger mech’s side. It was strangely comfortable there, huddled deep into the warlord as Megatron read his wonderful poetry… or they spoke of dreams.

Optimus felt his optics begin to burn as they filled with coolant. He wished he was in their cove now, under the star lit sky, trees dancing around them in the light breeze. That was the one space Optimus felt safe in these days, the one place he didn’t feel shame, or guilt, disgusting… the one place _he_ was taken care of without having any restrictions, or expectations… where things felt like…

He sobbed squeezing himself so hard his coolant fell rapidly from his optics at the pain. **_Focus on the pain, focus on this kind of pain! It is better than that kind… I can handle this pain! I can…_**

“Optimus…”

Ratchet’s quiet call to him was like a shock of cold water, and Optimus gasped as he immediately let go of himself, pulling his legs together to hide his now bruised spike. He brought his crying helm up to find the medic looking at him sadly, the older mech’s optics dim, and dermas pulled into a sorrow filled frown.

“Please… go…” Optimus strangled out as he shook shamefully. He looked away from his friend bringing his servos to his helm.

Ratchet’s spark broke as he watched Optimus pull away, his coolant covered helm dropping low as he tried to hide. **_Oh Optimus… I, I don’t want you to have to hide from me…_**

Ratchet pulled himself and began making his way over to the younger mech.

“Ratchet! GO! Please… I need… I don’t…” Optimus sobbed from under his servos as he felt the other mech near him.

“No, no Optimus. I can do this. I want to help you, please? I am sorry I was weak before. If… if you can make it through all of this, I can too damnit.” Ratchet knelt before the shivering Prime, and reached out to touch his arms.

Optimus lowered his arms, his helm rising to look up at his oldest friend. “R..Ratchet I ca..can’t…”

The medic pulled the larger mech’s legs apart, ignoring the bruised spike as he snuggled closer, his helm moving to just a vent away from Optimus’s. “Kiss me Optimus.” Ratchet said, his voice husky and deep.

Optimus hitched brokenly, his frame on fire as he struggled with what to do. “R…Ra..Ratchet…” He stuttered out, fully intending on stopping the smaller mech when suddenly Ratchet lunged forwards and painfully pressed his dermas to Optimus’s.

The Prime groaned raggedly, his voice crackling as the smaller mech fisted his spike roughly and squeezed hard.

“UHHHHHHHH, RATCHET!” Whatever control Optimus had snapped instantly, and he found his intake opening as Ratchet ravaged his lips, and his glossa forced its way in deep. The medic’s denta raked against his lips biting along their soft surface.

“Unnnn, yessss…” Optimus felt his optics roll back and his legs fall open as he surrendered to the mech before him. His spark was hammering within him as he felt his charge build once more only this time, he hoped it would satisfy his wretched needs.

“Optimus, get on your servos and knees,” Ratchet demanded and he whimpered at the order. To hear Ratchet like this was both incredible as it was fearful. Would Ratchet be ruined by becoming this for him? Was he going to destroy one more thing because of his disgusting needs!?

When Ratchet squeezed him painfully again, Optimus found he suddenly didn’t care and moved forwards to get into the position his Mas… NO! Ratchet wanted.

He vented heavily as he turned his helm back and watched Ratchet position himself behind his raised aft, opening his spike panel as he did so. The medic’s spike was soft as it came out, and Optimus felt a sting of guilt seep into him. **_He doesn’t want this… He is forcing himself to do this because of me! I… how am I going to allow him to…_**

Ratchet fisted his own spike as he lowered his helm to Optimus’s dripping valve. His glossa snuck out when he was close enough, and he quickly buried it deep into the Prime’s burning port.

“Uhhhhhh, uhhhh Ratchet!” Optimus moaned, his hips pushing against the larger mech’s faceplates desperately. It felt amazing, it did… but he was definitely missing a wanted, albeit hated aspect. As if Ratchet could hear his thoughts, Optimus howled as the medic’s denta lightly nipped at his anterior node.

“Uhhhhhhh, Unnnnn, harder… bite me HARDER!” Optimus cried out, his cuffed servos fisting in front of him.

Ratchet vented out, worry filling his spark, before moving forwards, and biting the younger mech hard.

“AHHHHHHHHHHH, HHHHHAAA, HAAAAA, YEEESSSSS! MORE! MORE! PLEEEEASE!” Optimus screamed, agony and pleasure racing through his frame and he trembled at the twin sensations.

Ratchet pulled away, his servo replacing his intake as he began forcing his digits into the hot wet tunnel, the younger mech bucking as he did so.

“Please… please… I can… I can feel the charge! Please Ratchet… more… make it hurt, I beg you!” Optimus threw his helm back, his intake hanging open.

The smaller mech added another digit, making it three in total yet the Prime moaned wantonly. “MOOOOORE! I can take more… give me… all of it!” Optimus’s voice was ragged and broken, his processor a scrambled mess as he focused solely on easing the fire, the heat that consumed him.

Ratchet felt his spark skip, yet he forced himself to continue on. He didn’t want to hurt his Prime, his friend but in not doing this for him, he was only making it worse for the younger mech! The medic looked down at his flaccid spike, he knew there was no way he would get excited by hurting the other mech, so might as well let him get off this way…

He pulled his servo from Optimus’s valve, his digits dripping heavily with the larger mech’s lubricant. He forced his digits close together before moving back to Optimus’s valve. **_Oh Primus, let this help him, and not hurt him too terribly…_**

As Optimus felt Ratchet’s whole servo begin to slowly work into him, he howled raggedly as agony and pure bliss battled between his thighs. “Arrrrrrgh, unnnn, yessss! Unnnn, ohhhh gods! Rrr…Raaatcheet!” The charge that had started building suddenly grew so much closer, his frame twitching with its energy.

Slowly his tight port spread around Ratchet’s thick servo, the invading appendage pressing against every node as it slid in. The hidden gears and calipers working hard to accept such thickness, and the soft protoform stretching painfully.

Optimus spread his legs further, his intake dripping as he vented wildly. “Yeeesss, thank you! Thaaaank yoooou! Arrrrgh… keep… more! Faster!”

Ratchet began to slowly move his servo back and forth, moving faster and faster as the port stretched. He held the younger mech’s hips still as he did, so Optimus wouldn’t start thrusting back and injure himself. The larger mech was shivering and moaning openly, his sopping valve clenching around his delicate servo with each thrust.

“Uuuuunnnnn, ahhhhh, ahhhhh! Yesss, yesss, it’s coming… I am soooo close… Please! PLEASE!” The Prime shook his helm as the heat within him grew to incredible heights. He bit his lower derma feeling energon slip down his chin as he ripped through his own lip.

Ratchet watched as Optimus became undone under him, his spark relieved and saddened at the same time. **_Oh Optimus… I am so sorry you need this… I hope it helps… please let it help take some of the pain aw…_**

Suddenly Ratchet’s comm filled with static and he froze as Magnus’s voice filled his audial.

**:Ratchet we need you in the med bay now! Arcee was attacked by Airachnid and is heavily wounded!:**

The medic near panicked at the request. He knew if he left Optimus like this so close to overload…

 **:RATCHET! Respond!:** Magnus’s voice sounded louder and more insistent.

 **:Un..understood, on my way!:** Ratchet moaned as he began pulling his servo from the larger mech, Optimus whimpering in confusion as he moved away.

“I am so sorry Optimus, Arcee is injured, and I need to get to the med bay!” Ratchet said quickly, wiping his servo off as he stood.

Optimus vented raggedly as he half heard what the medic said. He lifted his helm, his hazy optics watching as Ratchet moved to the cell's door. “R…Ratchet..,” Optimus moaned out, his servos clawing into the floor as his frame shook wretchedly around him.

“I… I am sorry Optimus! I will return when I can, just please… please don’t hurt yourself!” The smaller mech begged as he opened the cell door and stepped out, locking it begrudgingly after him. He scanned over Optimus’s heaving frame, a frown on his faceplates before he turned and ran up the stairs.

Optimus stared after him, agony ripping through him as he tried to catch up with what had just happened. **_He left… Arcee… she is hurt… it is fine… She needs more… more help, I am fine, this… I can…_**

“Unnnnnn….” He moaned once more, his digits ripping into the floor harder. He had been so close and now…

“Arrrrgh, whhhy, why am I sooo tw…twisted!?” He sobbed as he raised himself up onto his knees, his servos falling between his legs as he worked his own digits into his dripping valve. He thrust three deep past the puffy folds, trying desperately to finish what Ratchet had started.

He growled in frustration though as it wasn’t nearly the same. His anger grew as he added another digit, and then another from his other servo. **_ARRRRGH it doesn’t hurt enough! I need more! MORE PAIN! PLLLEASE!_**

He screamed as he ripped his servos from his aching port and ripped them against the inside of his thigh. He screamed as energon bubbled up as he scratched into the sensitive protoform there. “ARRRRRRRRRRGH! PLEASE! UNNNNNNN!” He did the same against the other leg, his processor reeling in the fog of pain and need, but even that wasn’t enough!

His valve was dripping readily, a pool of lubricant forming under him as he screamed his frustrations. His ragged howls echoing off the walls around him. **_I NEED MORE! MORE PAIN!_**

Optimus raised his servos and began ripping into his shoulder plating, his vents were frantic, and optics unfocused as energon began to drip from his wounds. “YEEEESSSS, MASSSTER!! PLEAAASE!” He cried to no one, his frame shivering as his charge began to grow once more.

More screams, more gashes, soon the puddle beneath him became a mess of energon and lubricant, a perfect display of what defined him now, pain and lust… that was all. A prisoner of pain, lust, and all-consuming SHAME!

He was so lost in trying to destroy himself, the Prime didn’t realize as an odd electrical sound began above him, almost akin to a buzz saw.

It wasn’t until a hunk of metal suddenly fell from the vent and clattered nosily next to him, that the Prime pulled himself from the haze of agony, and he looked up shakily to find a familiar little con flying down to him.

“Wh….what?” He strangled out, his voice hoarse from his earlier screams. He raised his energon covered servos and the little black symbiote glided down to him, landing in his servos lightly.

Optimus sobbed, coolant pouring from his optics freely, “Laserbeak… h…how…?”

The mini-con chirped, and a little red light began to flicker along its back. Optimus blinked away his tears as he tried to focus on the light, he felt it was important, that it resembled something… maybe a… a tracking beacon?

Suddenly the crackle of energy filled the dark holding area, and Optimus flinched at the sound. He held Laserbeak close to his chest as if to shield the little thing from whatever was coming.

Light burst through the room, and the Prime had to shutter his optics as he curled into a terrified ball. His processor was still too hot, too confused to make sense of it all.

There were heavy pede steps, and they rumbled to floor beneath him, the sensation all too familiar to the Prime from his time with Lockdown and he felt his spark clench as terror filled it. **_NO! It isn’t him! He isn’t here! It can’t be! IT CAN’T…_**

“Optimus…”

The bleeding mech’s vents stuck in his chassis as the incredibly deep voice of Megatron filled his audials.

He spun his shivering frame around to find the glorious visage of the larger mech looking down at him from outside of the bars. Megatron’s optics were dark, and his expression flickered with fury, and pity.

“Megatron…” Optimus whispered out roughly, his vocalizer still glitching from his ragged cries before. He sobbed as he struggled to push himself up, his need to be near the other mech was almost maddening. He slipped on the puddle of energon and lubricant as he ran, falling painfully to his knees and cuffed servos, but with another sob he pulled his frame up and continued limping to where Megatron stood.

“Me…Megatroooon…” He whimpered out, pressing his tattered frame against the cool bars as the silver mech slid his arms between the bars, and across his back.

“Oh Optimus… those bastards.” Megatron growled out as he kissed the top of Optimus’s helm through the bars. He ignored the many claw marks that covered the mech, and the lubricant that dripped down his scratched thighs. “I am so sorry it took me so long. Laserbeak had to be careful in navigating…”

Optimus sobbed, his faceplates lifting, a huge smile forming on them as he shook his helm, “No.. no it is ok… It is alright! You are here now… you are here now… that is all that matters.”

Megatron’s optics softened and he smiled in return, his jagged denta glimmering in the low light of the holding area. The warlord had never imagined seeing Optimus so glad to see him, much less after breaking into his base.

“Come now, let’s get you out of here!” Megatron’s faceplates grew grim as he began to back away, but Optimus held him still.

“What!? No, Megatron… I can’t go, that will merely add to my guilt. I have to stay and face my…”

Megatron snarled, “Really Optimus!? You want to stay? LOOK AT YOU! Look what you have done to yourself!”

Optimus, finally thinking clearer that he had all night, looked down at his frame. He frowned as he realized just how much damage he had inflicted upon himself, and he blushed as he realized his panels were still open. As he hurriedly closed them he shook his helm, “It was… Ratchet was helping, even though he didn’t want to. He just needed to leave and the heat became overwhel…”

“Ratchet?” Megatron growled out, his optics narrowing as he bitterly said the medic’s designation.

Optimus raised his helm in concern. He had hoped Megatron would be happy that someone had helped him, and that it was Ratchet made it all the better for Optimus. Yes, he never wanted the older mech to have to go against his codes and hurt him, but ever since Lockdown, his and Ratchet’s relationship had become something far more than medic and Prime. What it was exactly was unknown, but when Optimus had said he loved the older mech, he meant it.

When Megatron said Ratchet’s name Optimus couldn’t help but think he heard a sort of jealously ringing through the taller mech’s voice. “Yes, ummm Ratchet. He didn’t want to hurt me, but he could see that I needed…”

“I understand.” The silver mech said flatly as he moved away and worked his way to the cage’s door.

Optimus felt his shoulders sag, “Megatron… I… are you upset with me?”

The larger mech looked away quickly, “NO! I just… I didn’t think… Arrrrgh, anyways, Optimus we need to get you out of here.” Megatron lifted his cannon, its familiar whirl of energy growing as he leveled it at the locking mechanism.

“Megatron, STOP!” Optimus cried as he moved right behind the lock. “I can’t, I need to…”

“FRAG THAT, OPTIMUS! You are tortured for a month, and then as a result you have to come to me so that you don’t become whatever Lockdown intended for you, otherwise known as a _slave_ , and because you try your best, to be everything, to be _perfect_ for everyone else, they LOCK YOU UP!? NO! You are coming with me!” The silver mech growled as he lifted his leg and kicked at the door instead, Optimus jumping back as he did.

“Megatron, I can’t GO! Don’t you see!? I am trying to keep yo…” Optimus jumped back more as Megatron kicked at the door once more, the metal screeching from the impact, but not giving way. He growled at the larger mech, his frustration growing, “MEGATRON! I don’t want them to come AFTER YOU! Don’t you see that!? I can’t have you hurt because of ME! You mean too much to me to…” The Prime stopped, his spark whirling within him as he realized how true that was.

Megatron froze as well, his optics going wide as he lowered his pede. “What…?” He asked gently, his own spark thundering in his frame.

Optimus looked away, fear rippling through him yet, one thing all of this chaos had taught him was being dishonest was the worst thing he could do. Perhaps the truth would hurt, perhaps it was hard, but at least he could face himself, and know he didn’t need to hide, he didn’t want to hide anymore.

“You… you mean too much to me, Megatron. I… I don’t want you to suffer because of me.” The red and blue mech said quietly, his blue optics rising towards Megatron’s red. “I have grown… I…” Optimus smiled sadly as he moved closed to the bent door. His shackled servos reaching through the bars, “I missed you, Megatron, and not just because I need… Arrrgh, I missed your _poetry_ , I missed being huddled under your arm, I missed… I miss lying against you… I…”

Megatron walked closer as well, his optics gentle as Optimus struggled to find his words. He felt his frame shake with fear, and also hope. Here stood the Prime he had hated for so long, but over the last few weeks, and all during Optimus’s absence he realized how much this mech defined who he was. Whether it be through battles or, sorrow, or… love?

“Optimus…” Megatron said huskily, his voice filled with unspoken emotions as he grasped the smaller mech’s cuffed servos tight in his own. “Optimus, I understand, you see I too feel the same. I have longed for you, your laughter, your…your righteous fury, your arms,” the larger mech leaned down, his helm a vent from Optimus’s. “Your strength… your beautiful optics, your… your lips…”

Optimus hardly vented as Megatron lowered his helm, his own rising unconsciously, pressing himself against his cell as their dermas connected in one blindingly perfect moment of peace.

“I love you, Megatron…” Optimus sighed out, his optics shuttering as he tasted home on his lips.

“I love you, Optimus…” Megatron growled out heavily, his clawed servos gripping at the bars of the smaller mech’s cage heatedly as their kiss deepened.

There they stayed, simple, without pain, only a prison holding them from one another, and Optimus realized suddenly the room wasn’t so filled with nightmares… not when he had Ratchet and Megatron looking out for him.

He pulled his helm back, a smile on his faceplates as he looked up at the larger mech. “Megatron, could… do you think we could find it within ourselves to find peace? Could… can we rise above all of this?”

Megatron groaned, **_Always the Prime…_** Yet he smiled as well. “I suppose we could look into a peace tre…”

“ **MEGATRON**!” Both mechs started as Magnus’s voice thundered through the holding area, and Optimus felt his intake grow dry.

“Run Megatron!” He whispered desperately to the larger mech, but Megatron merely growled.

“I never run.” He said simply as he leveled his cannon at the blue mech.

Optimus felt faint as he watched the two square off, “NOOO! Please Megatron, Magnus, stop this foolishness!” He turned to Magnus, his optics wide and pleading. “I… I know he broke in here Magnus, but it was not with malicious intent, he was worried about me and…”

“So you _are_ his tool!” Magnus said darkly, his blazing optics turning towards Megatron.

Megatron snarled at him, his cannon up and charging, “You _fool_. If I wanted him to become my tool all I would need to do is lock him away in a _cage_ until he was so broken he would follow _everything_ I wanted!” The silver mech sneered wickedly at Optimus’s cage, “Not unlike what you have here Magnus. Tell me, were you planning on making Prime your _PET!?”_

“How dare you!” Ultra Magnus growled out as he brought his rifles forward. “I would never do such a…”

“AND YET HERE HE SITS… _SUFFERING_ in your PRISON!” Megatron walked further from Optimus’s cage, afraid if Magnus started shooting he would inadvertently hit Optimus. “Look at him Magnus, LOOK at what you have done to your PRIME! All because you are too WEAK to deal with what has happened to HIM!”

Optimus whimpered, “Please Megatron… that is not…”

Ultra Magnus scanned over Optimus’s bleeding frame, guilt and shame flickering through his optics, “I… I didn’t… he lied about…”

“FRAG OFF!” Megatron screamed, his servos curling to fists. “YOU, you didn’t want to SEE what was happening! Like the rest of your Autobots! Optimus must remain PERFECT, otherwise the UNIVERSE is COLLAPSING! That is the entitlement you have when it comes to him, and you PANIC when he falters in that _perfection_! SO I ask you…” Megatron snarled darkly as he lowered his cannon, his red optics blazing hatefully, “Is this his fault, _or all of yours_?”

Magnus vented for a moment… or two… three and then he screamed, “FRAG YOU MONSTER!”

Optimus gasped as Magnus began firing upon Megatron, his spark hammering in his chassis as the two mechs began to battle!

 ** _NO! No, we were just discussing PEACE! We… I need to STOP THIS!_** He roared as he began to throw his frame at the already weakened cell door. Over and over again he slammed against it, his clawed frame bleeding once more with each impact.

He could hear Megatron and Magnus scream and fire as they worked their way across the holding area, both with blades and cannons.

Optimus _slammed_ his frame into the door again, finally feeling the door give way far more than it had thus far, yet the triumph in his spark was short lived as Megatron screamed out.

He raised his helm to find the silver mech on the floor before Magnus. He knew Megatron had held back up till now because of _him_ , and now… would he pay the ultimate price for doing so? **_No. No! NOOOOOO!_**

Optimus screamed as he threw himself against the broken door so hard he felt his shoulder dislocate, but finally the lock broke open! He yelled in surprise and stumbled forwards but his frantic optics focused on how Magnus was now raising his blade over Megatron’s spark chamber.

 ** _NOOOOOOO! STOOOOP!_** Optimus roared incoherently causing Megatron to look at him. The silver mech’s optics filled with sorrow as Magnus’s blade began its descent.

Optimus screamed as he lunged forwards, his frame falling across Megatron’s when he suddenly felt the icy chill of a blade rip through his back plates. Its jagged cold metal ripped through layers of cables and fuel lines until finally forcing itself deep, plunging through his spark chamber, its tip finally exploding out of his chest plates, and scratching gently against Megatron’s.

For a moment every mech was shocked into silence until Optimus coughed and energon began to pour from his intake.

Magnus screamed as he ripped his blade out of his Prime, his leader and he fell to the floor staring in horror at what he had done. “Optimus… I… I…” He whispered as Megatron howled.

“Nooo! NOOOOO! ORIIIION! Hold on Orion, hold on love! I have you… I…” He cradled the bleeding Prime, his servos shaking as he did so. “So…Soundwave…bridge… BRIDGE NOW!” Megatron screamed into his comm. He held Optimus’s limp frame against him as a swirling portal erupted behind him.

Magnus sobbed, truly sobbed as Megatron dragged his and Optimus’s frame away. “Nooo, I never meant to…” He moaned out brokenly as he watched Optimus being dragged away.

The last he saw of his Prime, his leader, his… friend was his sad, weary smile as Megatron pulled him into the ground bridge, and he heard the bleeding mech call out weakly, “I forgive you…” And then, the portal, Megatron, and Optimus were gone… leaving him alone. His frame vented raggedly, and his spark burned with terrible guilt. **_Ohhhh, what have I done to my Prime!? WHY!? Why didn’t I listen!? Oh Optimus… have I… did I just kill the greatest light in this universe…_**

Magnus curled into himself, his comm screaming with Ratchet’s voice, the medic wondering if he had discovered the odd energy signal that had appeared down in the holding cells, yet he didn’t have it in him to answer. **_Optimus… I never wanted to do any of this to you… ohhhh, what have I become out of all of this…? Please be ok… Megatron… please, please take care of him… please care for him better than I have, for I have failed my Prime… in his weakest moment…_**

“Forgive me, Optimus… I have failed you once again.” Magnus moaned out into the silence of the room around him. His sorrow, and guilt echoing around him as he began to cry in the darkness he had left his broken leader in. It was then he realized just how cold this room truly was, for… It mirrored the icy splinters of his spark…


	5. Shadows of Guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! So, first off, sorry it has taken so long to update, this story is hard to write sometimes, and to really get the raw emotions, I have to be in a mindset of CHAOS! Haha, but really, some heavy stuff in this story like ya know. So... this chapter hmmm what to say? It is really a set up for the next one. I still hope it is good, but next chapter is gonna be dark, you will understand why by the end of this one. So just warning ahead of time. This one looks further into Megatron's experience through all of this, and Ratchet's realizations as well. Thank you for all of the awesome comments, and kudos, you guys are keeping this jazz going, so thank you. You guys are great, and sorry for errors.

When Magnus had not answered his calls Ratchet had panicked. He worked on Arcee as quickly as he could, continuing to radio his leader as he did so, yet still there was nothing. No 'hold on', no 'not now', nothing.

**_ARRRRRGH! Damnit! What is going on down there!? Is Magnus alright? What was that energy signal? Is Optimus…_ **

Guilt and fear washed over him as he thought of how he had left the young Prime. **_I was such a fool, such a fool about all of this! I should have helped him since the beginning and now…_**

He growled as another comm of his went unanswered. “Arrrrgh! Bumblebee!” He screamed out over his shoulder, the yellow scout quickly popping his helm around the doorway.

“Something is wrong in the holding area. Take Wheeljack and Bulkhead and see what the frag has happened!” The mech cried out growing irritated when Bumblebee hesitated for a klik, the scout chirping out how they weren’t supposed to go down there because of Optimus.

“I DON’T FRAGGIN CARE! Magnus is down there, and he isn’t answering my comms! Get your afts down there now!” Ratchet snarled out, feeling slightly bad as the younger mech flinched, and then ran to grab the others.

The medic growled, taking a vent to calm his spark, and steady his servos before continuing his work on Arcee. **_It is fine, he is probably just having a heavy conversation with Optimus. Or… or… Oh Primus, please let everything be alright._**

He listened to the three mechs as they spoke and worried before moving towards the lower levels, their voices growing quieter as the descended the stairwell.

 ** _Everything is fine, everything will be alright…_** He thought to himself over, and over again. He continued with his welding and patches, kliks going by as he waited for any of the mechs to reappear.

**_What is taking them so long? If it were an emergency they would get me, wouldn’t they? Maybe Magnus is just allowing them to speak to Optimus finally?_ **

Ratchet sighed as more kliks passed, far too many in his opinion, and when he got Arcee to a point that he was comfortable in leaving her, he scrubbed his servos, and immediately went below deck.

“What the frag is wrong with all of…” The first thing that Ratchet became aware of was the lingering scent of energon, and lubricant. **_Oh no, did Optimus hurt himself, was it in front of the crew!? Oh nooo, what will they say!? Frag I never thought of that…_**

He paused his thoughts as he saw the whole team in a circle around a sitting Magnus. **_What the frag is going on here?_**

“Why didn’t any of you contact me!?” Ratchet said loudly, forcing the standing mechs to pull their optics from the fallen Magnus. “What the frag is goin…” Suddenly the medic noticed the energon that covered the floor, and his panic grew tenfold. His helm immediately turned to Optimus’s cage and he vented brokenly. “What…”

His spark hammered wildly within him as his optics slowly scanned over the broken and bent door, the energon that trailed from where he had left Optimus, and the terrifyingly empty cell.

“Op…” He started, his spark aching terribly in his chassis as he stumbled forwards. His vision was dimming as he approached the cage but he took note of _everything._ Magnus trembling on the ground, his sword lying beside him, its tip glistening with energon, the burnt walls from shots being fired, and of course, the absence of Optimus.

He felt his frame begin to shake, his legs growing weak as his spark raced faster and faster. “What…” He weakly turned to Magnus, the blue mech’s helm was lowered against his chest, and his optics trailed tears. “What… What have you done?” Ratchet hissed out.

Magnus looked up him then, his optics dim. “Megatron, he… He was here, we fought… Optimus… He, he…”

Ratchet stumbled back, his frame bumping into the cage behind him as terror filled him. “He what?” He whispered, although he feared he already knew. **_No, please no! Don’t let it be…_**

“He jumped in front of… He protected Megatron and it was too fast… I, I was too fast. I couldn’t stop my blade… Ohhhh, Primus…” Magnus lifted his servos to his faceplates as he moaned out. “It went right, right th-through him!” The large mech cried out, his frame shaking harder.

Ratchet’s wild optics fell to the huge puddle of energon, his vents strained. “No…” He whispered, his tanks roiling sickly within him. “No, no, NO, NOOOOO! YOU BASTARD!” Suddenly he was on the larger mech, his fists flying as red overtook his vision, and rage burned through him like fire.

“After EVERYTHING!? AFTER ALL HE HAS GONE THROOOOUGH! YOU **_BAAAAASTARD_**!” He felt servos grabbing at him, and shouts being called out, but none of it mattered. He roared, ripping the servos from him as he beat the mech beneath him into the _ground_. Everything he had gone through, all of the stresses, the fears, the guilt, the worry, every time he hadn’t helped Optimus, every time he was too WEAK to help, every time he FAILED his friend, EVERYTHING burst through him madly, and he screamed with all of its fury.

“Ratchet! Stop it! STOP!” Bulkhead screamed, trying to pull the medic off of Magnus, but it was like the smaller mech had grown insanely strong, and no matter how hard he pulled Ratchet stayed put.

“Damnit! Bee, go grab a syringe! We need to put him under!” Wheeljack said, clawing at orange and white mech desperately.

“YOOOOOOU BASTARD! I HATE YOU! YOU ARE JUST AS BAD AS _LOCKDOWN_! YOU HUUUURT HIM! I HAAAATE YOU! MOOOONSTER! MONSTER!” Ratchet was nearly blind with rage, he didn’t feel as his digits began to bleed, he ignored as his teammates dented his shoulders as they tried to pull him off, and he didn’t even notice Magnus not fighting back, nothing registered only the agony that had haunted his spark for far too long.

“I HATE YOU LOCKDOWN! I HAAAATE YOU! YOU BASTARD! YOU RUINED US! RUUUINED UUUUSSSSS! WHYYYY!? WHY HURT PRIME!? WHY HURT THE BEST OF USS!?” His vocalizer grew hoarse as he screamed, and suddenly he wasn’t in his base, he was in that nightmarish ship. He was in that prison, and beating the living scrap out of the monster that had destroyed so much of him, of Optimus.

Somewhere deep in his programming something screamed at him that this was wrong, that he was a medic, one to preserve life, but it seemed even that had broken because of this wretched mech, because now he didn’t care. He _wanted_ to kill this mech! He _wanted_ to kill LOCKDOWN, and now he would get the chance!

“It’s not HIM RATCHET! STOP! It isn’t LOCKDOWN, it’s MAGNUS!” A voice called to him, but he just screamed louder to block out any doubts.

**_NO! No, it IS Lockdown and I am going to END THAT FRAGGER! He will never hurt another mech again! EVER!_ **

Something plunged into the back of his neck, and he hollered as the familiar tingle of something being injected into him broke through his haze. He spun on the mechs behind him, not seeing faceplates just Lockdown, just pain. “NOOO FRAGGERS! GO AWAY! Don’t you TOUCH MEEE! LEAVE… leave…” His processor began to feel fuzzy and he felt his frame sag, he was so very tired, tired and broken.

He moaned as he tilted sideways, two large servos catching him as he fell, and he sobbed. “Nooo… please don’t… Don’t hurt him… No more… Optimus…”

“It’s ok now, Ratchet. You are safe. You are free of that place, I promise!” Someone said to him quietly, and he just shook his helm, his optics bleeding coolant as the world fell away.

“Nev-never free… We… Never free…” Ratchet sobbed one last time before the darkness took him, and he tried to steel his spark for the nightmares he knew awaited him there.

**_Never free…_ **

……………….

**{Aboard the Nemesis}**

The rhythmic hum of engines echoed through the med bay that the warlord wearily found himself in. He vented slowly, his optics rising to look over the frame before him, his spark heavy with worry, and anger.

Optimus was finally stabilized to the point where he wouldn’t immediately offline, but that outcome wasn’t completely out of the picture, not yet.

The warlord growled, startling the recharging Knockout a bit as the red mech mumbled incoherently as he slept at his desk.

 _ **I owe him greatly for tonight. Stabilizing Optimus was no easy task... I must admit, I have not truly looked into the value Knockout in a long time... I have not looked into the value of much until recently.**_ He vented out wearily, standing as he did so. His frame ached, and just sitting there was causing his processor to run wildly in his helm. He desperately wanted to walk, but he was afraid if he left the Prime for even a moment, he would lose him forever.

 ** _How strange that we are here now._** The silver mech thought, his optics falling to Optimus’s inert frame once more. How long had it been since Optimus was recovered from Lockdown? A few months now at least, wasn’t it? He found himself uncertain yet to him, it almost felt like a lifetime.

So much had changed since that first battle after the Prime’s return, and yet he found himself wondering... Had it changed, or had it always been there? Been there, just waiting for them to open their foolish optics and see each other clearly. **_Well, perhaps I had to open my optics…_**

When Optimus had jumped over him during his fight with Ultra Magnus, and his spark chamber was torn into, not only had Megatron felt a shadow of the agony that had surely overtaken the Prime, but it was almost as if he had known what the mech was going to do before he did it.

He growled once more, quietly though, as the images of Optimus gagging up energon filled his processor. That sight, that terrible image had terrified him.

 ** _Have we come so far that your death, your pain can affect me so? How? He, he said he loved me, and I… I did as well. Why? Is it just because he reminds me of Orion? Why did I feel so furious when I saw him come from Lockdown’s ship? Why have I found myself enjoying our talks? Why is this all happening now? What is it so different? Is it because he needed me?_** He smiled bitterly, **_Maybe we both needed a reason to open our optics, but now…_**

He recalled the shocked look on every one of his soldier’s faceplates that he had hurriedly passed as he carried the Prime’s bleeding frame from the ground bridge. He had screamed at all of them to get out of the way as he bolted towards the med bay.

Optimus had still been conscious then, weakly whispering to him, “Please, please don’t hurt them for this. Please don’t hurt my family…” Over, and over again he begged, even as he was set upon the berth, continuing his weak rant until Knockout finally placed him into stasis.

Megatron hadn’t promised _slag_ , but he knew Optimus would never forgive him if he retaliated in some way, so instead he sat here and did _nothing_! **_If he dies, will I go against his wishes?_**

He found he honestly didn’t know the answer to that.

Megatron sat down heavily once more, his digits smoothing out the mesh blanket that covered the smaller mech for the hundredth time. **_Optimus, so much has changed between us. I never thought such a thing possible and yet, here we are. You are so familiar, and yet different. Two sides to one of the most influential mechs I have ever met._**

He sighed, forcing himself to sit back as he considered just how they had gotten to this point, and like so many things that began with Optimus and himself, it started with pain.

After their first _heated night_ , Megatron had found himself unable to recharge. Yes, the interfacing had been incredible, sharp, strong, and a challenge, everything he had always enjoyed, but it was after, when he had kissed the smaller mech... That was what he had focused on that night.

 ** _Why did I kiss him?_** The question seemed to haunt the silver mech, and no amount of lying, or scoffing could pull him from the simple truth that, it had felt _right._ Not only had he kissed the Prime, but Optimus, hesitantly at first, had kissed him back! **_WHY!?_**

He could admit that he didn’t want the Prime to become a slave to him, or any mech for that matter, so the violent interfacing he could accept but the kiss...

For solar-cycles he had found himself softly touching his dermas, unconsciously longing for the feel of those soft, tender lips to be there once again.

He had waited for the Prime to call him once more, each day that had passed infuriating him further, and Starscream’s latest scheme had not helped. The seeker was furious with the unexpected and sudden ceasefire his master had called, and defected.

The accursed mech had tried to get the support of others under Megatron, but all had _thankfully_ declined, and the seeker flew off alone. Megatron had actually wondered how many of his subordinates would stay with him, and was oddly surprised by their loyalty, or _fear_. Either way, he was pleased that they accepted his ceasefire, and it had given him hope for, well at the time he hadn’t known. The future perhaps?

When the days continued to pass, and Optimus hadn’t messaged him he had, had Soundwave send out Laserbeak to circle the Autobot base, and wait to see if the Prime emerged.

He had discovered where their base was during the month of Optimus’s torture. It had been easy enough as each of the Autobots had been so consumed with finding Optimus; they had grown very lax in paying attention to anything but rescuing their stolen leader.

He could have gone in and blasted all of the fraggers away, but an odd and strikingly real concern had fleeted through his processor. If he destroyed them, and the war was over, what then?

He had been fighting for so long, and he suddenly realized; that was all he had, that, and his ever strained _relationship_ with Optimus Prime. Without the Prime, who was he? What would he do?

That was when he had really started looking at things in a different light. What did he want in the end? A planet to rule, to be a Prime, to forever lead until the day he turned grey or, something simpler? Frag, could he even do simple now?

When Laserbeak had finally sent out an alert that the Prime had left the base, Megatron surprised even himself by immediately flying out. Frustration and perhaps, excitement fleeting through his spark as he raced through the skies.

Once he had worked through whatever slag Optimus’s Autobots had filled his helm with, and the Prime saw how easily he could fall into a mindless slave he had promised, once again, that he would call on Megatron. Thus it was surprising when this time he _kept_ that promise, and everything began to change between the two titans.

It had not been an easy change, and many times in their conversations after Optimus’s needs were sated, they would find themselves in furious arguments.

That was until one night that Megatron took things too far…

…..

They had been lounging together after the Prime’s heat had been taken care of, each silently watching the stars above them when Optimus had asked him quietly if he had regretted all he had done in the war.

Megatron didn’t know why but the question instantly triggered something wretched inside him, and he fought to change the subject. “Let’s not go there, Prime.” He had growled out, swiftly turning his helm away.

Optimus had stayed silent for a moment, his helm bowed, before opening his intake once more, “I regret things.”

Megatron had scoffed. “What the frag have _you,_ the _mighty_ Prime done to regret?” He asked sarcastically, his laughter echoing through their glade mockingly.

The Prime vented slowly, his helm rising to look at the clouds above them, “More than you realize, Megatron. I am not as _perfect_ as you think I am. As any bot thinks I am…”

The warlord looked at him, before laughing harder, “Oh my, I can only imagine this list. _Oh, well I fueled before my team once, or the time I didn’t perfectly create the schedule right, or that time when I stepped on a FRAGGIN FLOWER!”_ Megatron ridiculed the Prime in a sing-song voice, his laughter echoing around their cove loudly once more.

Optimus had looked at him, his optics blazing in anger before pushing himself up, and stomping away.

Megatron had rolled his optics then, pushing himself up to follow, “Oh come now, Prime! Don’t be like that! It isn’t my fault that you are such a goody…”

“Frag off, Megatron!” Optimus snarled at him as he spun furiously. “I am sorry not all of us can have lists as extensive, and _horrific_ as YOURS, and just IGNORE them all!”

Megatron had growled, his spark burning as he glared darkly at the smaller mech, “My regrets, _if_ I have them, are none of your concern, _Prime._ ”

Optimus had laughed bitterly, his optics narrowing darkly, “You don’t regret, _do you_!? Nothing! You, you are so _arrogant_! You can destroy everything in your path, and, and it means nothing! How many have you killed Megatron!? DO you even know the numbers? NO! Do you know why, because you are a sparkless, arrogant, fo…”

For Megatron, the following few kliks had then become a haze of fury, and he hadn’t even realized he had attacked the smaller mech until he heard Optimus cry out the word “MASTER!”

It had been like a switch, and panicking, he looked down at the fallen mech, to find him moaning raggedly. The Prime’s frame was littered with broken plating and energon, and he had laid there, his legs open and valve exposed.

“Frag it!” Megatron swore as he raced to cover the other mech’s optics before he imprinted, but at the last moment he had been almost certain Optimus’s optics had connected with his.

“No, no, NO!” The warlord’s spark thundered in his chassis as he held his servo over the whimpering mech’s optics. **_Has he imprinted!? What did I do, WHAT DID I DO!? Is he gone? Is he gone forever!? Optimus… Damnit! Damn my anger!_**

He had leaned forwards, telling his _slave_ to shut his audials off, and optics, and sat back nervously waiting.

At first Optimus had just moaned, his servo rubbing at himself as he called for his Master, and Megatron had thought that he had done it. He thought he had actually done it, exactly what he had set out to stop from happening, and what Lockdown had intended for the mech, and he felt his spark shatter at the thought. **_He can’t be gone! I… No… NOOOO! Optimus! Please come back, come back to me!_**

He had waited, his optics burning as he stared at the moaning mech. Optimus whimpered, pleaded, and rubbed at his exposed valve and spike, and just as Megatron thought, morbidly, that he had taken the light from this wonder of a mech, that he had hurt Optimus as deeply as others had hurt Orion so long ago, the Prime started to come back to himself.

It started as it did last time, a tremor of fear, of insecurity, until finally the chaos within him crumbled to a desperate and horrific conclusion, and Optimus laid there weeping.

Megatron felt something break within him as he watched the result of his fury. Achingly watching Optimus shake, and sob before him. **_I did this to him. I did this to him tonight. I brought a pain to him that I once sought to ease from Orion’s spark after he was so brutally used, so long ago._**

How many times had he held Orion after… after what had happened to him so long ago? How many times had he needed to coerce Orion out of the night terrors that haunted him? Bring him back to himself? **_Have I become those monsters? Have I been those monsters since Orion left, and Optimus appeared?_**

Optimus eventually unfurled his trembling frame, and stood silently. He muttered an apology, his helm turned away from Megatron’s guilt ridden optics as he transformed and drove off into the night without another word.

Megatron had watched him disappear in clouds of sand, his spark aching with guilt and self-loathing. He frowned, venting deeply as he tried to lessen the agony that had built in his spark, but he knew something had changed within him that night.

Even slightly feeling like the monsters that had once hurt Orion so terribly, or like the one that had hurt Optimus recently… It haunted his spark; especially after Ori…Optimus withheld contacting him for four nights straight afterwards.

It wasn’t until the Prime had become desperate once more that he had been contacted, and Megatron had felt his spark sing at the invitation, but thunder fearfully as well. What would Optimus think of him now? Thus, before he left that night, in a moment of worry and desperation, he had brought his datapad of poetry with him.

The two had stared at each other at first, both unwilling to make the first move, but once Optimus’s agony was revealed in a ragged moan of desperation, they had fallen into their violent mating ritual.

It was not until the end when Optimus rose, readying to leave; that Megatron had carefully set his servo upon the other’s arm and stopped him.

“Please, stay…” he had asked timidly. His spark racing, and yet numb at the same time.

Optimus had glared at him at first, his beautiful, or… _pleasant_ looking optics burning with confusion, until he sighed and sat away from the warlord silently.

Megatron had suddenly felt foolish, but he set his dermas and pulled the datapad from his subspace, and began to read.

At first the Prime seemed confused, his guilt and anger still burning brightly in his field, but as Megatron had continued, slowly Optimus became more relaxed and soon the silver warlord was surprised to find Optimus’s frame nestled against his own, asking him to read another poem.

He had turned his helm then, looking down at the Prime, just to find the other mech's optics wide and wondering as they stared up at him.

"Gods... One could get lost in your optics, Optimus. Their light seems without end..." Megatron had said unconsciously, blinking as he realized he had said his thoughts aloud. The Prime had blushed, actually blushed, and turned his helm away shyly with a laugh.

Megatron had laughed as well then, the two enemies smiling and laughing as the moon moved gracefully across the sky above them, and the stars sparkled like diamonds and suddenly, everything seemed to be so simple... Natural even.

The dynamic between them had continually changed from then on, and continued each night after Optimus’s needs were met. They would sit and watch the stars, talk of the future and past, read more poetry, and soon they were even laughing openly, regularly... together. Together like it always should have been, and in a way, as it always had been.

Yes, Optimus still held a dark weight that he needed to work through because of Lockdown, but it seemed he was healing, and he was healing, because of Megatron.

………

The Decepticon leader growled, his thoughts turning darker as he considered his most recent memories of him and the Prime. He felt his servos clench as he thought of how he had found Optimus. The broken mech imprisoned in the lower levels of the Autobot base, covered in gashes from his own servos, his frame begging for something he could not control, or ever wanted, and his team locking him away for IT!?

Megatron had been furious when he found Optimus; watching him slip on his own energon and lubricant as he reached desperately for him.

**_Fraggers! They are nothing but fleckless, IGNORANT BASTARDS!_ **

Megatron lowered his helm, trying to calm his vents so that his field did not erupt from his furious frame. **_Optimus doesn’t need more anger now, he needs patience. I know. I have needed it myself after I was trained, and I have experienced it through Orion's past attacks. I used to blame the Prime for my love’s destruction, but is he truly gone, or merely different? Altered through the throes of destiny, yet does he reside here, within this lost mech? Have I been so blind?_**

In so many ways, if he was honest with himself, Megatron had seen Orion there all along. Hidden, and subdued for the sake of the god’s plans for him, but yes, he had. He had seen it in the mech’s curiosity, in his intelligence, in his sense of honor, in his passion, his optics… It had been there, only different.

The old warlord sighed wearily, rubbing his helm as he scanned over the readings on the screen next to him. **_He cannot fall. He can’t. I have not felt life, I have not lived in so long, and now…_**

His helm hung lower, his spark aching for something new, and yet old at the same time. **_Please my… My love…I want to hope for us. I am tired of fighting. I want to laugh, I want to rebuild our home, I want…you. Forgive me that it took you nearly being destroyed before I had the sense to look deeper, and in turn realize what you meant to me. Without you, I feel dead inside. You complete me, and perhaps I complete you. We always seemed to have, and maybe, we always will._**

“Come back to me Optimus, we still have so much to do. I cannot imagine a world without you in it, nor have I ever _truly_ wanted to.”

……………….

The warlord must have drifted off eventually because it wasn’t until a blaring alarm sounded next to him that he was immediately on his pedes, his cannon whirling to life instantly, only to discover he was in the med bay?

“What?” He asked in confusion when he heard Knockout swear and saw a flash of red as the Medic flew to Optimus’s side.

“Frag it! His spark is fluxing!” The medic said as he scanned over the multiple screens around the Prime.

Megatron forced his exhausted processor to catch up with what was happening as he watched Knockout run over to a cabinet and grab out a strange machine and two pads of sorts.

“What do you mean fluxing!?” Megatron cried over the loud alarm sound. He felt his spark clench as Optimus’s frame began jerking on the berth, the lines on the monitor next to him were erratically high and then low.

Knockout growled as he plugged in the machine, his servos quickly carrying the two pads over to Optimus’s heaving chest. “His spark’s energy flow has become unstable. I need to restart some of the pathways somehow without doing more damage!”

The silver warlord watched as the medic placed the two pads on the Prime, “Clear!”

Megatron backed away as a surge of energy ran through Optimus’s frame, and the smaller mech arched high off of the berth. **_No! Is he dying!? Will this be it? Optimus dying because of his own fragging TEAM!?_**

Knockout leaned over and checked the readings once more. “Frag it!”

He reset the pads, “Clear.”

Once again Optimus’s frame jolted, lifting high as a terrible screeching sound emitted from his vocalizer.

“Arrrrgh! Are you hurting him or helping, _medic_!?” Megatron growled out, his servos shaking as he held onto the chair in front of him desperately.

“I AM HELPING! Just SHUT IT Megatron! Let me work!” Knockout snarled back, scanning over the machines.

Megatron’s optical ridges rose at that, but he remained quiet. For a third time, Knockout yelled out _clear_ , and as Optimus’s frame shook and he screamed brokenly, the machines finally quieted, and only light beeps and ragged vents filled the clinic.

“Is… Is he…” Megatron asked quietly, his spark hammering in his chassis.

“He is stable…” Knockout vented out wearily. “But, my Lord, if this happens again. I am worried the stress will be too much on his spark, and…” The medic shook his helm, his red optics rising sadly to Megatron’s. “I won’t be able to save him again, not like this.”

The warlord growled, his servos rising to his helm as he let that fear sink in, “Well, how do we stop this from happening again!? What do you need? Take anything!”

Knockout’s shoulders slumped, “I, I know there is a way to lace energy directly into a spark. That way the damaged wires and circuitry that surrounds a spark can be worked on without it collapsing, but…”

“BUT WHAT!? DO IT!” Megatron demanded, his servos fisting as he stepped up to the side of the berth.

Knockout looked at his leader patiently. “I have never done such a procedure. Only the highest medical professionals know how to do such a complicated surgery, and the only mech here that could is…”

Megatron nearly roared as he knew exactly who they would need to fix Optimus’s spark. “Arrrrgh! FINE! Stay with him while I contact the fragger. If he dies Knockout…”

The larger mech stared at the red medic darkly, but Knockout only waved him off. Being a medic, you got plenty of death threats from loved ones, course it coming from Megatron _because_ of Optimus… that was another thing.

Megatron hated leaving Optimus’s side, his fear of the smaller mech off-lining consuming him even more after that attack. **_Contact the fraggers that locked him away, and stabbed him!? Arrrrgh, of course it needs to be this way!_**

Optimus had said something of Ratchet trying to help him though, so perhaps out of all the bastards the medic was at least one of the better ones but… Though, _that_ Ratchet _had_ tried to help Optimus, and what that would have had to entail, made Megatron feel off about the medic.

**_Arrrgh, who cares! At least he tried I suppose… Now he can fix what his false leader did!_ **

Megatron growled as he made his way to the command deck, his pedes swift and thundering. As the door to the massive room opened he was happy to find Soundwave in his normal spot before the ship’s main console. “Soundwave contact the Autobot base, and prepare the ground bridge. We are expecting company.”

…………….

When the first three calls to the Autobot base were ignored, Megatron was greatly considering breaking into the base and just dragging the other mech to his ship, but finally, on the fourth try a very beaten looking Magnus answered.

 ** _What the frag?_** Megatron almost laughed right in the fragger's faceplates, and had things not been so dire he would have! Instead he snarled darkly at the mech that may have very well killed Optimus.

“I need Ratchet to board the Nemesis.” He said instantly, not giving the fucker any chance to say anything else.

Magnus’s broken faceplates looked away for a moment. “Is Optimus alive?” He asked, his voice missing its usual haughty arrogance.

 ** _Good, fragger. I hope you hate yourself for what you have DONE!_** “I need Ratchet.” He replied back, he didn’t owe this mech any explanation of the Prime’s condition.

“Ratchet…” Magnus sighed, his dim optics rising to Megatron once more. “He has been placed in stasis.” He said wearily.

“WHAT!?” Megatron cried, his spark clenching in fear. “Well frag him and his REST! I need him, or more accurately, your _Prime_ does.” He snarled out, quietly enjoying the startled looked on the blue mech’s optics.

“He’s alive then?” Relief seemed to fall over the large mech’s faceplates and Megatron growled louder.

**_How dare he feel any relief!_ **

“He is _dying MAGNUS!_ My medic cannot handle the procedure needed to save him from what _you_ did! Why do you think I would call you after what happened!? If it were up to me…”

He never finished as Magnus eagerly nodded. “We will get him to you. Send coordinates.”

Megatron scoffed yet sent the correct destination code. “Be quick about it.” He said before ending the transmission. “Filthy fragger…” He muttered darkly to himself.

He stood, “Soundwave, make it down to those coordinates as well, and escort the medic to the clinic the moment he arrives.” He didn’t wait for a nod, or affirmative knowing Soundwave would follow his order no matter what, and immediately turned and headed back down to the med bay.

**_Optimus, you are stronger than this. Don’t you dare give in after I have finally… After WE have finally seen each other clearly, without the veil of war, and fury… After far too long, and being far too alone._ **

**_…………………._ **

The trip to the Nemesis was a blur for Ratchet. He was still slightly under the effects of the induced stasis even though he had evidently been out for a few breems. As he was led through the ship he tried to remember what the frag had happened, and why his servos ached so much.

 ** _I don’t remember… Optimus was missing, Megatron had him, and Magnus…_** He vaguely recalled seeing Magnus under him, and him…

**_I beat him. I beat him and he just took it… Primus, what have I become because of all of this?_ **

“Arrrrgh… Whatever! The fragger deserved it.” He mumbled darkly, yet he had to admit he felt some guilt in his reaction, even though he couldn’t have controlled himself if he had wanted to.

He sighed, his aching servos rubbing at his optics as he pushed those thoughts away, trying to focus on what would be needed of him now. The fact that Megatron had called for him in the first place did something to Ratchet’s spark that he didn’t understand.

Part of him _hated_ the fragger. He hated that he had Optimus, he hated that he could take care of Optimus better than he could, hated how evil the warlord was… Yet, the other part was so very grateful.

If it weren’t for Megatron, Optimus would have been so much worse off. He would still be in that cage, and he would have probably fallen into a deep depression. He hated to admit it, but Megatron had been saving Optimus more than any of them since Lockdown… **_Even more than me._**

When he and Soundwave finally turned into the Nemesis’s med bay, Ratchet was even more shocked, and _torn_ when he found Megatron, _the_ Megatron, sitting by Optimus’s berth side. His optics were dim and worn looking, and his clawed servos wrapped tightly around Optimus’s as he spoke quietly to the unconscious mech.

Guilt and maybe even jealousy ran through his spark as he pulled his field in tight and walked in.

Megatron looked up at him, his tired optics quickly narrowing and blazing with fury. “Optimus said you tried to help him, and that is the only reason I am trusting any of you fraggers to come near him.”

Ratchet snarled at the larger mech, “Oh, how noble of a mech that has tried to off-line him for eons.”

The two mechs glared at one another, blue optics burning wearily into red, that was until Optimus gasped, and his frame trembled slightly, and they immediately focused on the mech between them.

“Ohh, Optimus…” Ratchet said quietly, bringing his injured servos up to the Prime’s chest plates as he looked over the monitors.

Megatron’s optics widened at the sight of the bandaged servos. “So, was Magnus’s faceplates your doing?” He asked, pure curiosity and awe fleeting through his voice.

Ratchet fought from growling at the silver mech, but huffed instead. “Yes.” He said simply, moving to gather some of the tools he would need for the surgery.

Megatron blinked at the medic, surprise, and maybe pride flickering in his optics before he laughed. “I didn’t think you had it in you, medic.”

Ratchet rolled his optics, his dermas frowning as he glared at the silver mech, “I am not proud of it, Megatron.”

The warlord laughed harder, “Of course you aren’t, pffft Autobots…” He stopped though as he looked at the medic’s servos once more. “Will you be able to perform the surgery like that? Can you save him?”

The concern that filtered through Megatron’s voice caused Ratchet to look up. **_He really does care, and not just for a quick frag… I wonder what that means for all of us in the future… for me?_**

“I will, I have to. I owe him… I…” He stopped himself, his spark aching terribly as he turned back to gathering tools. “Besides, I will have Knockout’s help if need be.”

Megatron hummed, noting how Ratchet had caught himself, he narrowed his optics at the older mech suspiciously. **_He seems a little ‘more’ than concerned for Optimus._**

He supposed that was a good thing really, meant he would do his damndest to make sure Optimus was fixed, but still…

Finally the medic moved back over to Optimus’s side and laid out his numerous tools on trays around him. “Alright, time to begin. Ummm…” He looked back up at Megatron. “Are you going to stay?”

Megatron nodded, “As long as I am not in the way.”

Ratchet blinked at him in surprise once more. “Well, I suppose you could sit on that berth, and we would have enough room.” His surprise grew even more as Megatron merely nodded, and made his way over to the berth.

Once Knockout had returned from cleaning his servos ratchet sighed, “Alright mech, this may take a while, you ready?”

The red medic nodded, his faceplates grim as Ratchet opened Optimus’s spark chamber. “Alright now, we begin.”

…………..

It took fourteen breems, and two terrifyingly close calls to finally align the pathways, and circuitry within the Prime's chassis, and spark chamber before Ratchet said they had done all they could.

He sent the exhausted red medic off to recharge with a pat on his shoulder, the younger mech smiling at him gratefully as he left, leaving only Ratchet, Megatron, and Optimus in the near silent clinic.

The older mech slumped into Knockout’s desk chair wearily, his servos rubbing at his faceplates as he vented in exhaustion. **_I did it… I finally saved him, from something…_**

Megatron grunted before lifting himself up and moving to Optimus’s side once more and sitting down in his usual chair.

For a klik both mechs were silent, both lost within their own dark thoughts until Ratchet cleared his vocalizer. “You can go and recharge ya know. I will stay with him.”

Megatron fought growling possessively at the older mech, “I stay.” He said sharply, his red optics glaring at the medic pointedly before returning them to Optimus.

Ratchet sighed, rolling his optics in defeat. “Fine.”

Silence fell over the room once more, and Ratchet almost fell into recharge when he heard Megatron say something quietly. “What was that!?” He asked, perhaps a little more roughly than he intended, but this was Megatron he was speaking to, and he was drained.

The silver mech huffed, “I said, do you love him?”

Suddenly Ratchet was wide awake, his spark whirling in his chest. “What kind of question is that!?” He asked angrily, hoping it would cover up the sudden insecurity he felt.

Megatron shrugged, “Should be an easy one.” He said simply.

Ratchet scoffed, rubbing his helm as he did so. “Is anything with Optimus easy?” He groaned out, and was surprised as Megatron chuckled.

“No, I suppose not.” The warlord said, shaking his helm slightly.

Ratchet tilted his helm, his spark now hammering in his chassis. “Do you? Love him, I mean.” He was terrified of what the other mech would say, but only for Optimus’s sake, that was all. He just didn’t want him hurt anymore, it wasn’t like he… It wasn’t as if…

“You never answered my question, why should I answer yours?” Megatron said evenly, his helm still turned away.

Ratchet groaned, “Fine, be that way.” He mumbled out gruffly. He didn’t want to have that conversation anyways. With everything that had gone on, and was _still_ going on, the last thing he needed was facing anything that had grown, or _hadn’t_ between his Prime and himself.

Megatron chuckled, “What is it with you Autobots and denying anything that makes you happy? Does suffering make you feel more pure?”

Ratchet growled, his optics blazing, “Frag off Megatron! All you do is take what you want. Do you even know of the concept of moderation? Anything that you like you just take! You DON’T think of what it could cost others, or how it could HURT THEM! I mean look at the position you forced OPTIMUS INT…”

Megatron roared, his towering frame rising instantly and he spun on the medic. “ _I_ FORCED HIM INTO!? What about your team throwing him into a CAGE!? At least I was trying to help him through his agony! You BASTARDS locked him away because what had happened to him didn’t compute with your self-righteous processors! Admit it Ratchet.” He moved closer to the medic, his dermas pulled back in a wicked snarl. “If you had helped him since the beginning, he wouldn’t have had to come to me, would he have?”

Ratchet felt that rage fill him again as he stood and glared up at the larger mech. “I am sure you just loved having him under your servos, you sick fragger! Under your control! You get off on _him_ finally needing _you_? Huh? Pretty pathetic that for a mech you supposedly hated so much, you would follow him like a lost cyber-pup for EONS! Do you even have an identity without HIM!? Everything, EVERYTHING he is involved in, MUST it also involve you!? Does involving yourself let you _pretend_ he feels slag for you!”

“ _Easy_ medic, before I reevaluate your worth when it comes to you remaining _functional_. You are merely sickened by your inability to even TRY and help him in the beginning! What, too _noble_ to stain your oh so perfect spark!? Are you so surprised that he came to me, or are you just jealous, _medic_? Jealous that he came for me, as Orion always did, leaving you ever in the background!? Alone, and always wanting! You had your chance with him long ago, but were too much of a coward to do anything about it! Just like you are too much of a coward to deal with him NOW! ” Megatron said darkly, his optics blazing so brightly their light consumed Ratchet’s faceplates.

“Oh please! You are so _pathetic_! Orion was fooled by your _false_ love, and when he faced one of the biggest changes in his whole life, _you_ just _abandoned_ HIM! Are _you_ sickened by _your_ inability to help _Optimus_ in the beginning!? I STAYED! I stayed and helped him find his way, helped him find himself! I did _everything_ in my power to preserve what was left of ORION, and not just see him as a PRIME! You, YOU made a life out of trying to KILL HIM! You say _we_ only see a PRIME THERE!? WHAT HAVE YOU SEEN FOR EONS!? Not Orion, I can assure you of THAT!” The medic laughed bitterly, his optics blazing just as brightly as the mech that towered over him. “You know, it _would_ take him being nearly _destroyed_ for him to _ever_ look at you with more than DISGUST!” Ratchet spit out.

“Frag off, medic! You stayed because you had nowhere else to go! Seems I am not the only one to follow him like a cyber-pup, eh? And _now_ I am back, and it is just destroying your spark that he has found something in me again! Isn’t IT!? The warlord growled out, his dermas pulled tight over his jagged denta.

“HA! Yes he has found _something_ , the same something that you have _always_ been able to give him _PAIN_! Are you so proud of that Megatron!? Proud that you can _rip_ into him, and him actually beg for it!? YOU LIKE YOUR NEW _PET_!?”

Megatron roared, his frame shaking from pede to helm as he forced himself to _not_ tear the mech in front of him apart! “He is no Pet of mine, Ratchet! I eased his pain while you all ADDED to IT! He is not, and will never return to being the PURE, PERFECT PRIME you all want him to be. Tell me mech, can you handle doing what I do!? Once you are done here, are you going to demand he return with you! Return to the team that locked him away, and is sickened, and too embarrassed to give him what he needs!? I can give him what he needs! I can take care of HIM!”

Ratchet growled back, “Oh yeah!? Like you took care of him when he became a Prime!? Maybe I can’t hurt him as well as you can, haven’t had EONS to practice, but… But I am willing to try to make things better for him! I made mistakes, I know, but I have learned from them!”

“You think I HAVEN’T!?” Megatron said stiffly. “You think this whole thing hasn’t been one wretched lesson!? You are RIGHT, I did abandon him, I did hurt him, and not to help. I was furious, I was lost, BUT I _never_ meant for everything to get this _FAR!_ I loved Orion so fragging much that when I thought I lost him, I LOST MYSEEEELF! I became the monsters that once haunted his dreams, I became more horrible than the Senate I aimed to overthrow, I KNOW WHAT I DID! All I ever wanted WAS HIM BACK! Now I have a chance for that, and I will NOT screw that up!”

Ratchet huffed, “How do you even know he wants you back, Megatron!? After everything you have done to him! How you have ripped him down over, and over again, and you know who heals those wounds!? MEEEE! I am _TIRED_ of piecing him back together after monsters rip him APART! He only needs you now because he was TORTURED! That is it! If it weren’t for that, he would _still_ see you as the MONSTER YOU ARE! YOU ARE NOTHING TO HIM BUT PAAAAIN!”

“HE SAID HE LOVED ME!” Megatron screamed out before he could catch himself, his spark hammering in his chassis.

For a moment the medic felt he couldn’t vent, fear, and rage running through him like acid. “YEAH!?” Ratchet said mockingly, his voice quivering ever so slightly, “Well sorry to disappoint you, but he said the same to me!”

Both mechs stared daggers and each other then, their chassis heaving as they vented raggedly. Each warred with what the other had said because deep down, both knew the other was right.

Ratchet knew he couldn’t handle what had happened to Optimus nearly as well as Megatron was, and _yes_ he was jealous of the silver mech. For so long he had had some sort of… Some sort of attachment to Orion, but who wouldn’t have? Orion was always a wonder of a mech. Smart, funny, kind…

When Ratchet had first met him, he had been awestruck by the younger mech. He _had_ followed him everywhere, even once Orion started following the Decepticons. Then he met Megatron, and any hope for them being a thing disappeared in an instant. Who was he, a stout, grumpy medic compared to the strong, wild, and passionate gladiator?

Megatron hadn’t hesitated to express his interest in Orion, not like he had, and apparently his brashness paid off. It had been fine with Ratchet though, he valued his friendship with the younger mech far too much to leave him. Not even once he lost all of his memories, and became Optimus Prime. He had stayed, and would always stay.

It wasn’t until Lockdown that he had been ripped open enough to rediscover those feelings. When he had screamed at the bastard to stop, or when he watched Optimus fall apart night after night, stayed up with him as he cried. He wanted to protect him so desperately, he had always tried to protect Optimus, and through that desperation his walls cracked, and the truth began to bleed through.

**_Maybe… maybe I do still love him, and not just as a friend?_ **

As for Megatron, he too knew the medic was right. He knew who he was, what he had done to Optimus, and _not_ done. He knew he probably didn’t deserve this second chance, and it probably would never have happened if Optimus hadn’t been so broken, but here it was.

He was tired, he was tired of war, tired of fighting, and tired of being alone. He missed his nights with Optimus, he missed the smaller mech leaning against him, he missed talking about their dreams!

He never wanted to be a warlord! He was just so lost, and broken, he became all that had ever truly known. Until Orion, his life had been nothing but pain. He was a slave, a gladiator… He starved, had to steal, had to sleep in alley ways. He was beaten since he was a sparkling, and treated like filth his whole LIFE until Orion, and when that light, that one hope was seemingly snuffed out by Optimus, all he had left was the pain and rage that had fed him for vorns.

**_I never wanted to turn into a monster, I never wanted to become all that I fought against._ **

“Uhhhh…” A moan suddenly sounded behind the silver mech, and both he and Ratchet turned to glance worriedly at Optimus.

For a klik it seemed that everything was fine, but as they continued to stare at the Prime his frame began to tremble, and his servos griped the berth tightly. Both mechs instantly gave up their fight and ran over to him.

“Frag it, he is having a nightmare.” Ratchet said, his spark whirling as he noticed the Prime’s spark readings begin to spike.

“What do we do?” Megatron asked desperately. “Can we wake him?”

Ratchet ran his bandaged servo over his faceplates, “I don’t know, that normally leads to an awful jolt to his system, yet if he stays in the dream it could force his already weakened spark to start fluxing again.”

“WELL then what do we DO!?” Megatron asked more desperately as Optimus’s helm began to shift back and forth, and he moaned brokenly.

“SHUT UP! I am thinking. We have to ease him out of recharge, or… or… Wait, we could do a cortical physic patch!” Ratchet said as he ran around the med bay looking for the correct wiring for such a procedure.

The silver mech frowned, “You want one of us to enter his already shattered mind!? Couldn’t that do more damage?”

Ratchet growled at him, “Do you have a better idea? If one of us could go in there, and talk him down, remind him he isn’t there, that it isn’t real, then we could wake him without shocking him.”

The warlord looked over Optimus’s shuttering frame, “I suppose that could work.”

Ratchet finally found what he was looking for, and quickly moved to Optimus’s side. He grabbed one of the monitors and unplugged it from the Prime, quickly shutting the alarm off as he attached the path’s long cords to it.

He turned then, holding both wires when he stopped. Who would enter Optimus’s mind?

Megatron seemed to have the same question as he stared at the cables uncertainly. “Well, who goes?” He asked gruffly.

Ratchet felt torn, half never wanting Megatron anywhere near Optimus’s mind, but also afraid he might cause more harm than good. **_After I yelled at him like I did… What if he still..._**

He shook his helm and handed the second cord to Megatron none too kindly. “You go. I will monitor everything from out here.”

The warlord nodded as he sat in his chair once more. He opened the panel at the base of his helm and with a _click_ , secured the end of the cable in tightly.

Ratchet nodded, his servos shaking as he moved his end of the cord under Optimus’s helm. He hesitated, his spark reeling as he realized just _who_ he was allowing to enter Optimus’s processor. “Listen Megatron,” He said tightly, his optics blazing over his leader’s helm. “You try any funny business I rip you out, painfully.”

Megatron rolled his optics, “Frag off medic. Just do your job.”

The smaller mech glared at his a moment longer before plugging Optimus’s end in. “I, I don’t know what you are going to see Megatron, but remember, being calm has its advantages. You are going in there to help _ease_ him out of terror, not add to it.”

The warlord scoffed but nodded, “I know, now let’s do this before he gets worse.”

Ratchet sighed as he stood. He flipped on the monitor and grinding his denta tightly, started the patch.

As Megatron’s optics suddenly flashed brightly, then shuttered and his helm fell to his chest, the medic turned to his monitor.

**_Oh Primus, I have made so many mistakes recently… Please, PLEASE, don’t let this be another._ **

The screen began to fill with static, and slowly and image worked its way through. Ratchet wasn’t sure what they would find deep in the recess of Optimus’s mind, but as the screen began to clear, and a red haze blazed up at Ratchet he felt his spark grow cold.

**_What the frag is…?_ **

It wasn’t until screaming began to filter through the screen’s small speakers that he felt the cold in his spark spread over his entire frame. “Primus…” Ratchet gasped out, his servos rising to cover his intake as he stared at the screen.

**_Optimus… I… Gods! How, how did you ever smile? How did you even FUNCTION when inside you were, like this?_ **


	6. Levels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Allllright! So like everything, I expected this to work differently, yet this story never seems to end! Ok, this one is heavy. It deals with Optimus's nightmares. It was... hard to write. So trigger warnings and other warnings in general. I think.. I am not certain, but next chapter should hold Ratchet's view on what happens during the patch, but this chapter is just Megatron, and Optimus. Hold on for a long, broken nightmare. :( Ok, umm enjoy? And sorry for errors.

For all of the wretched screaming that first assaulted his audials when Megatron finally opened his optics, blinking rapidly as he tried to clear the blinding white light away, he found himself in a far different scene than he expected.

One of the first things he noticed was that he was surrounded by a chaotic thunderstorm. Flashes of lightening split the sky above him, each jolt slicing through the hazy red clouds that hung far too low as they crackled, and sparked along a blackened sky. The very air that surrounded the glowing red platform he found himself standing on seemed to vibrate, and it all felt terribly weighted.

Megatron frowned, his spark aching as he realized the screams he had heard were coming from below the circular disk he stood upon. He walked to the edge peering down, but all he could see was a thick black fog. Finally he turned and looked towards the center of the platform to find Optimus there.

The smaller mech was sitting at what appeared to be a silver desk, his frame hunched over as he seemed to be furiously focused on writing something.

The silver mech approached slowly, uncertain how Optimus would react to his presence or if he would react even? When Bumblebee had entered Megatron’s mind, he hadn’t realized the scout was an outsider at first, so he wondered if Optimus would make that mistake as well. He hadn’t been certain what state he would have found Optimus in, but for him to be sitting and writing quietly amidst screams and a violent storm, it was surprising to say the least.

As Optimus had his back to him, Megatron couldn’t see the other mech’s faceplates, or what he was writing but the closer he got to the Prime, the deeper his frown became as he noticed a thin trail of energon on the floor beneath the smaller mech, its bloody trail slowly sliding towards Megatron’s pedes.

 ** _He is bleeding?_** Megatron vented, his worry increasing with every step. Thunder shook the weighted air around him, its boom covering the chorus of screams from below just for a moment, and the warlord found himself shivering.

**_What a wretchedly eerie place… Gods, Optimus… What has happened to you?_ **

Finally the warlord got close enough to peek over Optimus’s hunched shoulder, his optics growing wide when he realized what the Prime was writing, and how he was writing it.

A small knife was in his right servo and he was carefully carving bloody messages all over his own plating!

Megatron vented out as he moved to the front of the desk, his optics scanning over Optimus’s frame as he read all of the cryptic words the Prime covered himself with.

_RuInEd, PerFecTIoN, HidE, LiEs, pREteND, LaUgh, sMiLE, PaIN, hELp mEeee, StOoOP, PrIMe, hiDe, cOWaRd, LiAr, nO mORe, No mOrE, eScAPe, QuIEt, aLL yOUr fAUlt, FaiLuRE, fILtH, tRaITor…_

Megatron shook his helm, watching as the words slowly dripped energon down the Prime’s frame, thus the source for the energon trail he had seen earlier.

“Prime… Optimus.” Megatron said quietly, amazed that the smaller mech hadn’t looked up from his carving yet.

“I am busy, Megatron.” Optimus replied calmly, finishing his most recent message in his arm.

Megatron frowned, looking around as the storm continued to rage around them before turning back to Optimus, “Prime, stop hurting yourself and talk to me.” He said desperately, flinching as Optimus dug the knife into an unblemished plate, and began writing once more.

“Nothing needs to be said.” The Prime answered evenly once more, his voice so relaxed it was almost as if they were having a civil conversation on a sunny afternoon.

Megatron growled as more energon flowed from the other mech, “Why are you doing that to yourself?”

“It helps me keep control.” Another simple and yet obviously complicated answer.

“Carving hateful slag into your plating helps you keep control?” The silver mech spit out incredulously.

Finally Optimus lifted his helm, his blue optics flickering oddly as he stared up at the mech before him. “If I do not control the pain, they do. If I do not write the words, they scream them.”

Megatron narrowed his optics, worry fleeting through his spark, “Who, Prime?”

Optimus turned his helm, looking out over the edge of the disk, and his optics flickered faster. “Those below us.”

For a moment it seemed as if the screams beneath the platform grew louder, but Megatron couldn’t be certain. “Frag it mech.” Megatron said with a shiver, “I am here to help you wake up, Optimus. Come now, let’s go, let’s get you out of this nightmare.”

He reached out his servo, not sure if Optimus could even touch him when he heard the sound of something cracking.

Optimus sighed, placing the knife down as he stood, “It is too late.” For all the haunting atmosphere, and strange vague words, the Prime seemed awfully calm about it all. He looked up at Megatron, a small sad smile on his faceplates, “I have never seen you here before. Not in these dreams at least.”

Megatron tilted his helm, his spark spinning wildly inside him as another cracking sound erupted around them, and he realized the platform they stood upon was slowly falling apart. “Optimus, we need to go! If what you said is true, it looks as if we are about to fall into whatever is beneath us, and that does not sound like a good thing.”

Optimus nodded, his helm slowly turning to look at the massive broken lines in the disk behind him. “I am not very good at controlling them for long, not alone at least.”

“You aren’t alone! Let’s go before…” Megatron started, fear gripping his spark as the screams below them did indeed grow in volume, and the platform shuddered as a huge piece finally broke away and sunk into the darkness below.

Optimus smiled that terribly broken smile as he turned his helm back to Megatron, “I told you, it is too late.”

“NO IT FRAGGIN ISN’T!” Megatron yelled out over the wretched screams. He didn’t want to admit it, but this place, it terrified him, and that this was the inside of Optimus’s mind made it all the worse.

“It’s time.” Optimus said sadly backing away from the desk as the floor they stood on rumbled and creaked so loudly that all other noise was suddenly drowned out.

Megatron’s frame began to shake, and it wasn’t because of the platform, it was pure terror. “Optimus! Please! I don’t… I am afra…” He never got to finish as finally, the platform collapsed from beneath his pedes.

“NOOOOOOO!” Megatron screamed as darkness enveloped them both, and they fell into the ragged screams below.

………………

The next time Megatron opened his optics he found himself in cold dark space. The walls shifted and moved like black smoke, and once more they were on some sort of platform, only this time it was black.

“Arrrgh, Op-Optimus…” He groaned out, spying the smaller mech lying across from him on the other side of the circle.

Optimus groaned as well, lifting his frame up slowly as he scanned around him nervously. Megatron noticed how the other mech’s optics didn’t rest on him for a nano-second, and it was almost as if Optimus couldn’t see him.

“OPTIMUS!” Megatron called out louder, and yet still Optimus did not react other than whimpering as he pulled in on himself, and began venting raggedly. **_Does he not hear or see me!?_**

Megatron grunted, pulling himself up before beginning to walk over to the frightened mech when suddenly he noticed something extending out from the inky black smoke, and he stumbled back in horror.

Numerous long thin arms reached out to the Prime. They were black and smoking as their elongated digits lightly began to caress the shivering mech’s frame. Optimus sobbed, curling tighter as the servos ran over his marred plating, easily slipping through his curled up limbs, and rubbing delicately along his chassis.

“Primus…” Megatron whispered out, his frame shaking so badly he almost fell to his knees. He felt himself frozen, both in spark and frame as he watched the sinister spectacle play out before him.

Optimus tried to push the airy appendages away, his sobbing growing in volume as his own servos just passed right through the inky limbs.

“Nooo, nooo, please… No more…” The prime moaned brokenly, yet still the servos moved over him. They rubbed his helm, his back, down his arms, and along his legs. Some slipped in deeper, lightly brushing past his shaking limbs to caress his lips, moving between his thighs and rubbing at his interfacing panels.

 _“You want this…”_ A voice suddenly hissed out from above, it was a wicked voice, yet calm, and loving at the same time, and Optimus cried harder.

“NOOO! I don’t! Please! Please stop! Please…” The Prime whined as he tried to drag his frame away from the terrifying limbs when suddenly, patches in the floor opened up, and brilliant silver chains began to lift from the ground like serpents.

Megatron watched, horrified as they lazily slithered across the black platform towards the desperate Prime. **_I… I have to do something! I have to stop this!_**

“Stop…” the warlord said out loud, forcing his terrified frame to move closer to the nightmare before him. “Stop! Optimus! Please love, WAKE UP! Let’s go home! Let’s leave here! It isn’t real!”

He tried to step on the chains, grab them, stop them in anyway, but his servos just flew through them all. “Arrrrgh, noooo…” Megatron bemoaned as he watched them slowly slide over Optimus’s frame, the smaller mech screaming as they encircled his wrists, ankles, and throat, and began pulling him back towards the ghost like servos.

“NOOOO! NO MOOOORE! STOOOP! HEEEEELP MEEEE! SOMEONE! PLEEEASE! HEEEELP!” Optimus tried to claw at the floor, the tips of his digits bleeding as he was dragged backwards.

Finally he was back within reach of the horrid limbs, and they quickly covered his frame once more. “NNNOOOO!” Optimus screamed and swore as he pulled at the chains, his wild optics bleeding coolant freely as he roared in fury. “LET ME GOOOO! DON’T TOUCH MEEE! NOOOOOO!”

 _“You want this…”_ That hateful, and yet eerily loving voice echoed around them again, and Megatron growled at the sound of it.

“Stop this! LET HIM GOO FRAG IT!” Megatron ran to Prime, sweeping at the servos, and trying to pull Optimus away, but it seemed as if he couldn’t touch anything in this wretched place!

**_What the frag can I do!? How do I stop this!? HOW DO I HELP!?_ **

Optimus screamed raggedly as the servos suddenly flipped his frame so he was lying on his back, and the chains pulled tight around him. His limbs were spread wide, his helm yanked tight to the floor as he sobbed.

_“You want this…”_

“Noo, noo please… Please… No more, no more…” Optimus begged, his frame shivering as it was fondled and caressed. “Heeelllp, please… Someone… Anyone… Help me…”

Megatron dropped to his knees, coolant spilling from his optics as despair and helplessness filled his spark. “Optimus… I don’t know what to do! I don’t KNOW! RATCHET! Force him awake! I CAN’T… I don’t know what to DOOOO!”

Yet he knew if Ratchet were to do that, it could kill Optimus. His spark was already so weak, so how, HOW was he supposed to HELP!?

_“Open, open for your Master… They will ease the pain, the want… the heat. Open…”_

Optimus growled, grinding his denta as he fought against the incredible sensations that ran through his frame. “Nooo, NNNNOOOO! FRaG OFFF! I DONNN’T… Ahhhh, NOOO!”

As much as he fought it, the cursed heat began to grow within him, as it always did. With each rub, as every digit slipped deep into the tender protoform between each transformation seam, he felt his resolve breaking.

“ARRRRRGH! NOOO! Please… Uhhhhh… Stooop…” Optimus moaned, his frame twitching and vents growing rapid as his charge built low in his chassis. “Unnn, please… I… S-stop…”

 _“You want this, you long for it… This is what you are now… Please your MASTER!”_

The chains that held Optimus suddenly sparkled with electricity, and Optimus screamed as agony ripped through his frame. “UHHHHHHNNNNN… YESSS!” He screamed out, his frame jerking wildly as shock after shock burned through his systems until finally, his panels fell open and he cried out in overload.

Megatron sobbed as Optimus dissolved before his optics, the smaller mech moaning as he lifted his hips lustfully against the spectral servos allowing them to slid deep within his valve, and slip along his spike.

“Master… Please… More! MOOOORE!” The Prime cried out, another charge growing within him already as the numerous digits explored his frame.

There was another stream of shocks, and screams, Optimus’s frame writhing as the shadows played with it when suddenly the platform beneath them began to crack like before.

Megatron looked down, his terror growing as he wondered just what nightmare they would be falling into now. **_Primus, how do I stop this!? I can’t… I can’t just sit here and watch!_**

The cracks grew, splitting the floor in jagged lines before it crumbled and Optimus and Megatron fell further into the darkness below.

…………….

Megatron cried out as his back plates suddenly slammed into something hard before continuing his fall to another circular floor. “Arrrrghhh, how many more nightmarish levels are there?” He moaned out, his helm rising weakly as he looked at the new scene that surrounded them.

The floor beneath him was slate grey, its surface pitted and scratched terribly. There was a wall around the platform this time. Its bleak grey surface rising so high Megatron could not see the top. It too was marred with scratches and dents, but the warlord noticed how many of these scratches looked like they were from servos ripping away at the metal.

He heard a jingling above him suddenly, and as he raised his helm up higher, he vented as he realized what he had slammed into was one of the many cages that hung from long thick chains above him. Each one dangled from the darkness that they had fallen through to get to this level. The cage’s came in all shapes and sizes, each creaking as they swayed, even though there was no wind blowing.

“Uhhhh…”

The silver mech turned as Optimus whimpered behind him. He found the mech had fallen into the only cage that stood on the platform’s surface. He no longer had the chains around him, but his servos were bound as they had been when Megatron had found him.

The Prime vented raggedly, the earlier charge that had grown within his chassis still burning with needed release, and he desperately grabbed at his spike as he tried to reduce the agony of his unfulfilled climax.

“Optimus…” Megatron whispered out, hating as he watched the Prime scream and pull at himself madly.

“ARRRRG, PLEASE! I NEED… I NEEEED IT! MASSSTER!” Optimus moaned as he jerked his spike painfully, lubricant dripping from his aching valve as he knelt upon the cage’s barred floor.

Suddenly figures began to appear around the cage until every member of the Autobots that resided on Earth, encircled the Prime.

Optimus looked up, his optics going wide as he quickly let go of himself and desperately tried to hide his shame by hunching over his exposed ports. “Nooo… No please… Go away… I, I don’t want you all to see me like…” He stuttered out, tears filling his optics as he looked around at all of the disgusted faceplates of his team.

“Look at what you have become, Optimus Prime.” Magnus’s deep voice sounded terribly disappointed, and saddened. “Why, why couldn’t you be stronger, for us, for your family?”

Optimus whimpered, his frame still burning with need but he forced himself to ignore it. “No, please understand. I have tried, I promise you! I never… I never meant to hurt an-anyone!”

Arcee looked away from him, her optics dim, “Yes, you tried by going to Megatron. What, what about Cliffjumper, Prime? Does his death not mean _anything_ to you?”

Optimus gasped, his servo clawing at his spark as it burned with guilt and self-loathing, “Of, of course it does Arcee… I just, he helps me! He has changed! Please, if you all would just speak with him, you would see that…”

Megatron growled darkly at the scene, hating that it had taken so long for him to find the Prime when he had been locked away like some wild creature! **_Did this truly happen, or is this just part of his nightmare?_**

Ratchet stepped forwards, his optics raging, “Think of all the bots he has KILLED Optimus! Think of what he has destroyed, and selfishly taken from all of us! Have you forgotten it ALL!? Or,” the medic snarled, his denta gritting as he glared at Optimus, “Or does none of that matter as long as he frags you hard enough?”

Optimus sobbed harder, “Noooo, nooo, please! I am trying… I am trying to be better for you all! I just need…”

“YOU NEED!?” Magnus screamed out, his fist hitting the bars hard enough to shake the whole cage. “You are our _Prime_ , our LEADER! What about your TEAM!? When did you become so selfish!? Selfish, and a LIAR! YOU LIED TO US ALL! How can we trust ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY!?”

“STOP IT!” Megatron screamed, rushing at the fragger but just like everything else, he just went right through him. “ARRRGH, YOU BASTARDS! LEAVE HIM ALONE!”

Optimus dropped his helm, curling into a ball as he tried to hide from his team. He tried to hide the words he cut into himself, hide the lubricant that covered his legs, hide his open panels. “I am so sorry! So sorry! I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to handle it, I… I should not have lied to you, I see that now! I was wr-wrong!”

“You have become nothing but Megatron’s play thing!” Magnus grated out. “You are a disgrace, Optimus Prime. A liar, a failure, and a TRAITOR!” he blue mech suddenly quieted, his helm shaking as his shoulders drooped. “I cannot believe I used to look up to you, Prime. Look at you now, you betrayed us all. Living, and fallen alike. You are no Prime, not to us, not anymore. A Prime would never force a teammate to do this!”

“What!?” Optimus gasped as he was suddenly pushed onto his servos and knees as something wonderfully thick and painful pushed into his sopping valve. “Unnnnnnn!” He moaned out unwittingly, his helm turning back to find Ratchet’s sad faceplates smile grimly back at him.

“It’s ok, Optimus. I _want_ to help. It’s alright.” The medic said quietly, his fist working back and forth in Optimus’s tight port.

“Noooo, Ratchet. Ohhh, Gods! I am sooo sorr… UHHHHHH!” Optimus groaned raggedly, the pain and pleasure ripping through his frame wonderfully as his charge came back full force. “Ohhhhh… Please… I don’t want you to… UNNNN, Ohhh… I’m… I am so sorry!”

“You could tell him to stop.” Magnus continued, his voice low and dark as Optimus moaned, and cried. “You could stop yourself from forcing him to become twisted as well, but will you?”

“Haaaa… Ahhh… Please… I…” Optimus wanted to tell him to stop but everything was too much, his need too agonizing, and yet to destroy Ratchet!?

“It is alright, Optimus. You don’t need to feel alone.” The medic’s sweet voice filtered over his own wretched moans and Optimus cried harder.

“Arrrrgh, GODS! STOOOOP! STOOOOOP, RATCHET! I CAN’T DESTROY YOU TOOOO!” Optimus screamed as he pulled himself away, Ratchet’s servo ripping from his frame with a loud slurp. He crawled away brokenly. Megatron moved to the side of the cage with him.

“Ohhhh, Optimus. It isn’t your fault! Let him _help_ YOU!” The warlord pleaded to the smaller mech as he tried to reach for him, to hold him. “Please wake up, Optimus! Stop torturing yourself! I can’t fragging bear it anymore! Please… Arrrgh… ARRRRGH, LOCKDOWN, YOU BASTARD!”

Optimus moaned brokenly in his little corner, his frame aching with heat, and shame when the floor began to crack. “Forgive me… I beg you. I didn’t want to become this… I am a monster, a monster…”

“Ratchet! I don’t know what to doooo!” Megatron cried out, his helm lowering as the floor cracked more. **_Arrrgh, Primus. What now? What more is there?_**

He knew he wouldn’t have to wait long as the floor crumbled once again, and both sorrow filled mechs fell to the seemingly never ending darkness.

…………..

Megatron groaned, his processor aching and spark heavier than it had been in so long as he forced himself to open his optics. **_What Hell are we in now?_**

Once more he found himself on a platform, it was bright red, as the first one had been, and the storm raged around them once more, yet now the perimeter was nothing but thick metal bars.

He looked over to find Optimus lying on the floor not far from him, and he forced himself to make it over to the silent mech. “Optimus… Optimus Please, please wake up!”

The Prime groaned, his frame immediately trembling as he opened his optics. “Megatron?” He groaned out, and the warlord felt his spark hammer wildly in his chassis as it filled with hope.

“Frag it! You can see me again!? Oh Primus, Optimus please, we need to go! You could die! Your spark can’t take this slag anymore, and honestly, neither can mine!” Megatron said desperately, wishing he could touch the smaller mech.

“I am ruined, aren’t I?” Optimus said quietly, trying to ignore the constant heat that ailed his frame.

Panels opened in the floor then, once again releasing those wretched chains. Each slithered along the platform until they wrapped around Optimus as they had before, but this time Prime didn’t fight it. He sat there brokenly, watching numbly as Megatron tried futilely to stop the terrible things from their advances.

“You can’t stop them, Megatron.” Optimus said quietly as they encircled his limbs and throat, his blue optics starting at the red platform beneath them dimly.

“I am going to fragging try!” Megatron spit out as he tried to crush the wretched things in his shaking servos. “And no, you are not ruined, Prime.” Megatron growled as he finally gave up on the chains he couldn’t touch, and he brought his furious optics to Optimus’s drained faceplates. “Optimus, please! Please don’t give up…”

The Prime smiled brokenly as his frame was pulled back down to the platform, each limb slowly being stretched out as it had been before. “Why are you here, why now? You normally don’t show unless, unless we were together recently. You know, in the good dreams.” He turned his helm as far as the chain would allow him, and brokenly looked up at the warlord that knelt next to him.

Megatron keened as a huge shadow began to form in the storm outside of the bars. “Oh Optimus… I came here to _stop_ this, to pull you _out_. I told you… Ratchet and I… Frag mech… I just, I don’t know how to save you from… From this.”

A roar sounded as the ethereal darkness began to take on a twisted steaming shape, its long claws ripping deeply into the floor as it formed.

Optimus smiled up at Megatron, the type of smile one would give to make the other feel better about the horrific circumstances they found themselves in. “It is alright, Megatron. Thank you, to you and Ratchet. Both of you have been such rocks for me recently, I owe you both, so very much.”

Megatron sobbed as he watched the looming monster slowly pull its dark wretched form towards the bound Prime. **_What is that? What does it want from him!? Why can I not save him!? Please Primus, help me… Help me, help him. I love him, I LOVE HIM! I HAVE TO STOP THIS!_**

“I once knew a mech, who’s light rivaled the suns’,” Megatron started suddenly, the poem he had written for Optimus before the mech had been imprisoned by his own team, falling from his intake unconsciously as the creature tore its way towards Optimus.

“He stood among many, but was rivaled by none.”

“But arrogance never held him, nor would to this day.”

“For he was far nobler than Primus, they say.”

The black smoking creature slowly crawled over the Prime’s frame, its jagged fangs dripping acid like saliva that burned deep into the platform below them as it lined its huge spike up with the smaller mech’s valve. Optimus though, he hardly noticed. His blazing optics were solely focused on the silver mech next to him, his spark fluttering as the warlord forced himself to continue his poem.

“Uhh… For vorns I basked in the glow of his light.”

“His wonder and love alighting each night.”

“A gift he was, and one taken too soon.”

“And when that light died, my darkness did bloom.”

Optimus screamed as the creature pushed into him savagely, his optics filling with tears from the agony, but he turned back to Megatron with a whimper. “Don’t… Don’t stop… Please…” He grated out as his frame was ripped into.

Megatron vented brokenly, his own optics filling with tears as he stared into Optimus’s pain filled ones.

“I be… Arrrgh, _I_ became the monsters, that my loved once had feared.”

“Destroying our world, as my soldiers just cheered.”

“I tore it asunder, every plate, slate, and spire.”

“Yet in the end all I faced was cold fire.”

Optimus moaned brokenly, his chained limbs bleeding as his frame pulled against them, and the monster continued his assault. The creature’s claws dragged against his plating, his energon flowing freely from the wounds, but still he stared at Megatron. “Please… Please… don’t stop.” He begged raggedly.

Megatron sobbed, his helm falling low, “Then a Prime st-stood in his stead, shinning and bright.”

“He told me my sins, and b-begged not to fight.”

“I… Ohhh, Optimus.” Megatron stumbled as the smaller mech cried out in pain, and his own servos gripping his legs so tightly they bled, but he pressed on.

“I, I fought for my love's loss, I fought with such rage.”

“I... I didn’t realize, I’d built my own c-cage.”

“I buried myself, in anger and h-hate.”

“Never seeing that I fought my own… My… m-mate.”

Megatron sobbed harder, his spark on fire in his chassis. He tried desperately to ignore Optimus’s rape, he tried to ignore the consuming guilt he felt for _EVERYTHING_ up till this point…

Optimus blinked at him, his optics dripping with coolant, and spark whirling when the scene suddenly seemed to slow. “Don’t stop…” He asked softly, the monster above him suddenly freezing, and storms growing quiet.

Megatron smiled back at him, wiping the coolant from his faceplates as he reveled in the brilliance of those blue orbs. “I should have seen then, what is now known”

“My love never died, he... He’s merely grown.”

Optimus’s frame hitched, tears flowing readily down his faceplates, “Megatron…” He whispered out, the monster above him suddenly breaking apart, its form dissolving as a light grew in the Prime’s spark.

“You have been there, for so very long.”

“I was foolish, and reckless, lost, and… and so wrong.”

Megatron laughed, his optics sparkling as he stared down at the wondrous mech beside him.

“I know all my faults, I regret more than you know.”

“But stay with me love, and only love shall… shall I show.”

“I love you, Optimus.” The warlord said softly, his voice echoing in the silence that surrounded them now.

As the chains fell away from him, Optimus sighed contentedly, “I love you, Megatron. Let’s go home.”

Megatron laughed, tears falling once more as the scene around them began to darken, and he felt his frame calling to him. “Yes, my love. Let’s go home.”


	7. Just Before the End [Ratchet]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My goodness. Far too long since my last chapter here, and I apologize for that. I struggled with what I wanted this to be. Part of me wanted Ratchet's interpretation of every thing he had seen, but I didn't want it redundant.  
> I also overwhelm myself with too many stories and some, especially the hard ones, fall by the wayside. BUT, today I woke up and everything fit! Thus, this chapter.  
> This has been a dark story, one many can relate to I think in the recovery of any kind of terror, but I have enjoyed writing it. Not necessarily in the "Weeeeee!" Kind of way, but in the... Well, the hidden struggles we ALL face, kind of way. It holds a weight, and I am honored that others see that too.  
> Ok, enough from me. Sorry for errors, and far too long a wait... Enjoy.

He had done it.

Megatron had done it.

Megatron could _always_ do it.

Ratchet vented out raggedly as he lifted his shaking servos and numbly hit the right buttons to pull the silver mech from the patch. The medic knew it would take a moment for the warlord to boot back from Optimus’s mind so he busied himself with pulling Optimus out of his stasis.

He worked silently, his movements methodical, practiced, but unfeeling.

**_Optimus…_ **

A click…

A twist to just the right degree…

Make sure to hit the buttons at perfect speed…

Pull the wire there, flip this switch, watch the readings, sixty percent, adjust knob…

**_Optimus I…_ **

A rise in numbers, turn knob back, a hiss of static, that’s not good, turn once more.

**_I… I can’t…_ **

More to input, levels rising perfectly, a rumble of an engine, gears and wiring firing up, a gasp annnnd…

A slight hissing sounded before Optimus’s optics flickered and slowly came back online. He gasped again, his frame shaking as the pain that filled his spark chamber throbbed, but not like before.

He coughed a bit, his optics dimming as the action made his spark ache more when he felt movement to his right. Slowly turning his helm he stared, confusion filling his weary processor as he found Ratchet standing next to him.

“R-Ra…” he started, his voice weak, and pain laden but the medic merely shushed him.

“Hush, Optimus. Just rest. Megatron will be online in a moment.” Ratchet nodded grimly to him, his own optics dim as he continued to monitor the equipment around them until finally there was no more he could do, and he stood silently for a moment lost in his own thoughts.

Optimus coughed once more, his optics flickering as they turned from Ratchet to where Megatron’s frame was slumped in a chair next to him. **_What… What happened? Where am I? How did I get here?_**

The last thing he remembered was, was being in his base, in a cage… Locked away because he was a traitor to his cause, because he was, was… **_RuINeD._**

A broken vent escaped him, his optics shuttering as he fought to control the fear that crept into his aching spark when suddenly he felt a cool servo slip into his, and he opened his optics to find Ratchet standing closer to him, the medic’s servo holding tight to his but optics turned away.

“Ratchet…” Optimus grated out, his voice thick with static but again Ratchet hushed him.

“Optimus, please. Don’t speak. Your spark is still… You are still recovering. Don’t waste what precious little energy you…”

“For-forgive m-me…” Optimus whispered, his servo tightening weakly around the medic’s as coolant filled his burning optics. “For-forgive…”

Ratchet lifted his helm, his optics staring down at Optimus incredulously. “Optimus... Forgive you? YOU!? You stupid fragger. It is my fault you were… I put you in that, that cage. I took you from the only h-help you had. I… I almost… I almost lost y-you because of it.” The medic swallowed hard, his optics burning as he tore them from his oldest friend shamefully.

“R-Ratchet…”

The weary medic looked up, a drip of coolant falling from his optic as he shook his helm. “Optimus, just… Be quiet, _please_.” He strangled out, pulling his servo from the larger mech’s and turning away. What he had seen from the cortical patch was still burning through his processor and he found himself unable to look at Optimus without, without wanting to fix _everything_ for him, but he couldn’t… He wasn’t the one.

He hadn’t been able to help during Lockdown, he hadn’t been able to help afterwards, or even, even now…

He, he needed to go.

He needed to leave Optimus where he was safe, where he could recover and hopefully learn to control what was wrong with him. Megatron was the savior here, not him.

Never him.

Not when it came to Orion, not him when it came to Optimus.

**_At least he has some mech to help him, I am grateful for that._ **

“Megatron should be up soon. I, I am going to return to base and let them… They need to know you are alright. I, I trust Megatron to handle this, I do. I know now how much he cares, and I am going to explain that to Magnus, one way or the other.” Ratchet said grimly, his servos shaking as he packed away his gear.

“D-don’t go.” Optimus whispered, noting how Ratchet’s framed stiffened at the request.

“You don’t need me anymore, Optimus. I have done all I can. I, I will leave you with Megatron now, he can help far better than I. He can save you.”

Optimus’s frame shook as he vented in painfully, his weak spark flaring as a storm of emotions coursed through him. “Ratchet, y-you s-saved me j-just as m-much as Me-Megatron…”

Ratchet scoffed, his helm tilting up as he tried to ignore the fire in his spark. “No,” He said with a bitter laugh, his optics going to the younger mech as he smiled sadly at him. “No, I haven’t, but leaving you _here_ , letting _him_ help you, _that_ is something I _can_ do. I, I will sort the rest out, Optimus. I will let the team know. Goodbye, and, and I, I am so sorry.”

Optimus felt his spark freeze as Ratchet began to walk away. “N-no…” He whimpered out, his servos lifting to pull at the many sensors and wires that were attached to his frame. Ratchet either didn’t hear his quiet plea, or ignored him as the smaller mech continued to walk and soon, disappeared out into the hall and all was silent.

“No… N-nooo…” Panic began to fill Optimus, his servos scrambling to rip everything off of him yet it all seemed like one giant net of confusion to his overworked processor. He grunted painfully as he turned his frame, his spark thundering not only from his injury but the terror that coursed through him.

Ratchet was leaving him. Just, just leaving him here. Yes, he was grateful that Ratchet believed him about Megatron now but to lose Ratchet…

Ratchet had been there for him the whole time, all the while dismissing his own demons so that he could deal with Optimus’s. Did he not suffer just as much all this time!?

He had been tortured by Lockdown as well, having to see what happened to Optimus day in and day out, but ever since the beginning his only concern had been Optimus’s recovery! **_I have been so awful to him! I… I need to tell him! I need to help him! He can’t go! Please, please don’t go!_**

His legs swung over the side of the berth, his vents ragged and strained as he fought from fainting because of the agony in his chest but still he moved. He needed to tell Ratchet, tell him all he had done, tell him it was his turn for help, tell him he _would_ help him!

They had gone through so much of this together! They, they were _more_ now, more than just friends… He, he needed Ratchet and maybe, just maybe Ratchet needed him too.

“Raatcheet…” Optimus moaned out, his frame trembling as he placed his weight upon his legs and lifted himself off the berth. Amazingly enough they held him, albeit weakly, and he began to slowly stumble towards the doorway. **_I am moving too slow! He will be gone! Please, please let me get to him! I, I need him! Ratchet!_**

By the time he made it to the doorway, he could hardly see. His vision was tunneled and spark pulsing so quickly it hummed, but still he couldn’t stop. He was terrified, terrified that if he let Ratchet walk away now, he would never get another chance.

His spark was torn, torn between the two mechs that had become so much to him in the after math of his nightmarish torture, but then again it wasn’t torn at the same time. He was torn _for_ them, wondering how either would ever accept the other one in Optimus’s life, if they even wanted to, but that didn’t matter… So be it, so be it if he lost both! At least, at least he could let them walk away knowing how much, just how much they had given him. How much they meant to him…

How much he loved them.

They were so alike and yet different; two sides of the same coin. Megatron brutal, cold, sharp, destructive, and Ratchet stubborn, strict, calculated, and hardworking, and yet… Both could be so very warm, soft even. Both hid behind their jagged edges to push past their own nightmares when they became buried under it all. They were just as lost, in need of comfort, of acceptance, of _help_ as he was.

Optimus groaned as his knee almost collapsed from under him, his frame stumbling sideways and he grabbed a hold of the wall to steady himself. He looked up and down the hall, his panic growing as he saw no sign of Ratchet. “Noooo…” He moaned out quietly, his optics bleeding coolant as he forced his legs to move forwards once again.

**_Where is he!? Did I miss him already? Is he gone! Was that it!? RATCHET! Come back!_ **

“Raa…” Optimus started, his voice glitching as the hall tilted sickeningly in front of him, but still he walked. “Raatch… RAAATCHET!”

A stumbled step and harsh vent…

“Come… Come back…” He begged in desperate whispers, his servos leading him along the wall as he moved.

The hall seemed to tilt backwards suddenly and he fell back a bit but forced his weak servos to dig deeper into the wall beside him harder…

“P-please…”

He could feel some energon leak from the welding across his chest and it dripped down his chassis…

“R-Ratchet…”

His optics dimmed and helm spun…

“I… I need…”

Suddenly there is no more wall to hold, and he tumbles forwards blindly, his servos just barely catching him as he falls to his knees. Fire rips through his chest, his vision now completely dark as he fights falling into emergency stasis. He lifts his helm, his optics searching the darkness, his audials listening intently, but all he can hear are his own ragged vents, and his hammering spark.

**_He’s gone, he is gooone! I, I was too… Too late…_ **

As his arms shiver then and lose their strength he vents out wetly, coughing as energon fills his intake and revels in the coolness of the floor he now lies upon. Somewhere inside of his helm he could hear Ratchet yelling at him for having torn his welding, for pushing himself after such an injury, and he smiles sadly at the thought.

The fire in his chest seems to ease, and he vents weakly in relief. His processor was too tired to remember how he had gotten here, or what was going on and he merely reveled that the heat, the burn in his spark chamber had finally ebbed.

As his helm falls to the floor he listens to the gentle hum of machinery around him. It almost seems to pulse at a beat, as if the ship were alive and he is hearing its spark beat. A silly thought perhaps and he smiles at the absurdity of it all yet to the humans, were they not just the same, living machines?

Suddenly there is a different beat to what he hears, a clanking or a thud, he isn’t certain. It starts off slow, as if it is curious, cautious but it quickly changes to an erratic sound. Jagged, quick, and uneven until it hastens and becomes rushed and tapping and he feels the floor vibrate with each pulse and it reminds him of something… **_It’s, it is like pede steps, pede steps of someone running or…_**

Fear began to fill his spark as the steps grew closer, the vibration growing with each klik and he remembers feeling a similar sensation before. It was from when he had learned to rely on his other senses to know when his Master appro… **_LoCkDoWN!? Is it him! Where am I? Why can’t I open my optics or move easily! Am I caged!? BOUND!? Why can’t I move!? I need to…_**

A field of calm falls over him and he gasps under the warmth of it and the security he finds there. **_Ratchet… This is Ratchet’s field… I, I am safe._**

**_……………_ **

Ratchet had heard the clang from far off down the hall and it didn’t sound like anything _small_ had fallen. He had almost ignored the sound, far too engrossed in his dark thoughts to care about any parts that might be falling off Megatron’s ship but his curiosity had gotten the better of him, and he turned to find out what had collapsed. **_Not like it fell apart too far away anyways._** He thought as he walked back down the halls he had just come from, turning the last corner and staring down the hall east of him just to freeze.

 ** _What, what is, HOLY FRAG! OPTIMUS!_ **He stumbled out from behind the wall he had been peering out from, his spark aching at the sight of Optimus’s crumpled frame in shock before shaking his helm and running towards the mech. **_Stupid! Stupid idiot! Walking around after having spark surgery! What the frag is he trying to do, get himself…_**

As he approached the fallen Prime he gasped as a wave of terror came from Optimus. The younger mech’s field rippled with horror and desperation and for a moment Ratchet wasn’t sure why until he noticed Optimus’s optics shuttered. **_Poor mech nearly put himself into stasis lock! He can’t move or see…_**

It was then he expanded his own field, filling it with calm and reassurance and he grimaced as it slowly meshed with the Prime’s chaotic one. **_It is alright, Optimus. I am here. It is only me. You’re safe, I promise._**

He was pleased as Optimus seemed to calm from his reassurance and as the terror left the mech’s field it was quickly replaced with relief and a strange sense of need.

He moved up next the large mech, frowning at the strangled wet vents he heard and he knelt down with a huff. “Oh you big fool. Look at what you have done.” He muttered, but not unkindly as he gently placed his servos on Optimus’s shoulder and turned him over so that he lay on his back.

Optimus flinched slightly from the move, but it wasn’t out of fear only pain. A low groan came from his intake as he settled on his backplates, his helm resting on what he assumed was Ratchet’s lap.

The medic shook his helm slowly as he scanned over the torn weld. “Just what were you thinking, mech?” He asked sadly and Optimus vented in brokenly before his optics opened just a crack and peered blearily up at Ratchet.

“F-found y-you…” He stuttered out, a smile coming to his faceplates as he lifted one of his shaking servos and laid it against the side of Ratchet’s helm.

Ratchet blinked as he peered down at the larger mech before scoffing. “Well, I would say I found you, and on the floor bleeding no less. I swear Optimus, is it your sole purpose in life to test me every single klik with near death experiences?” The medic asked grumpily even as his helm leaned into Optimus’s servo.

Optimus chuckled weakly his field entwining with Ratchet’s as he sighed. “I l-love y-you R-Ratchet... P-please don’t go, d-don’t l-leave m-me… P-please?”

The medic swallowed painfully, his intake suddenly needing some form of oral lubricant as he hardly vented. “O-Optimus… I, you don’t need me here, well maybe now because of the mess you made but…”

“N-need… I n-need you.” The Prime vented out, his optics dim and yet very serious as he slowly pulled Ratchet’s helm down to his. “Love, I l-love y-you…”

Ratchet felt his optics burn as Optimus led his helm lower, his spark filling with uncertainty and fear as he was pulled closer until finally their dermas touched, and all of his fears fell away. He moaned or half sobbed, he wasn’t sure, as he and Optimus kissed.

It wasn’t a ravaging kiss like Ratchet had seen Optimus do with Megatron, nor was it rushed, or violent, but maybe that was because Optimus didn’t need that from him. Through all of this Megatron was indeed the one that could take care of the violent side of things, the harsh sharp and wildly passionate side while Ratchet… Ratchet supposed he had been there during the sad moments, the times when Optimus would cry, or when he would need someone to relate to on a different, softer level.

Perhaps had he been more willing to accept that Optimus now needed both sides, his oldest friend would have come to him more often for the sad, soft parts… **_Oh Optimus, I am so sorry… I have no idea what I have been doing, I am just guessing and obviously… I, I guessed wrong._**

Optimus frowned against Ratchet’s dermas as he felt coolant fall to his faceplates, and he instantly wondered if he was just making things worse for the mech by kissing him. **_I may love both of them, but that doesn’t mean that they will both love me…_**

He pulled his servo away, releasing his hold on Ratchet’s helm and looked up as the medic lifted his helm slightly. “F-forgive…” He started, his voice hardly over a whisper as he began to pull his field in tight but Ratchet’s crying optics blazed open at the loss of the Prime’s warmth.

“N-no… It, it isn’t… Optimus, I… I lo… Arrrgh, why is this so hard for me!?” He grated out bitterly. How could Megatron just spout what he thought to everyone and _everything_ in the universe and he couldn’t talk to his oldest friend without tripping over himself?

Optimus peered curiously up at Ratchet, uncertain what was going on in the mech’s helm as he seemed to be warring with himself over something. “R-Ratchet… It is al-alright. I sh-shouldn’t have…”

“NO!” Ratchet interrupted, steeling his spark as he looked down at the mech in his lap. “No, it isn’t _alright_ Optimus and I… Frag it, I have been a coward for far too long.” He took a deep vent, swallowing down his dry cables painfully before continuing. “Op-Optimus, this whole nightmare, all of this it… It has made me realize something, well a lot of things, namely that… That life can be Hell, and it can be short so, so you should take any moment you can to find happiness and, and frag the rules of the norm, or what should be, or what is possible… Optimus, I… I have loved you since I met you.”

Ratchet’s optics widened at his own admission, not believing after eons of being by this mech’s side that he finally had the iron to say how he felt, and not just in chaotic circumstances. **_Well, I mean, he is bleeding on the floor of the Nemesis after being stabbed in the spark by his own teammate because he saved Megatron but… Not REALLY chaotic circumstances, just normal chaos…_**

As Optimus blinked wearily up at him, Ratchet felt like a dam had been broken open and suddenly he couldn’t stop talking even if he wanted too, which he _did… Kinda._

“I, since Orion I have loved you. I followed you around like some lost cyber-pup, hanging on the curtails of your destiny since the beginning, Optimus. I was a coward though and never let you know and then suddenly there was Megatronus. Here was this _perfect_ , oversized gladiator who just loved you to pieces and announced it regularly to the whole fragging world while I just, I just hid in the background. Cocky bastard.” Ratchet added with a grumble and Optimus smiled. “Anyways, then you became a Prime and… And you lost _everything_ because of it. I mean, you didn’t even remember me, or Megatronus.”

Optimus nodded, “I, I am sorry for…”

“Ahhhhh! Stop being sorry for one damn klik, alright!?” Ratchet exclaimed only to sigh as Optimus looked up at him with those huge sad optics. “Argh, _I_ am sorry. I am sorry it was all taken from you, I am sorry you had to begin again with nothing to go off of but those fragging monsters in the Senate pointing their digits and sending you off to fight their battles for them. I, I will admit, I almost didn’t have the strength…”

Ratchet looked away for a moment, his shoulders slumping as he tried to find his courage. “I almost didn’t stay with you then, Optimus. I was spark broken by the loss of Orion. It was so sudden and unexpected and when you just showed up suddenly in his place… I almost ran like Megatron did, and I, I am sorry for that too.”

Optimus smiled gently, raining his servo to Ratchet’s helm once again. “I w-wouldn’t have blamed…”

“Arrrgh, I know you wouldn’t have mech! Frag, when do you _ever_ blame _anyone_ for _anything_ beyond yourself!? HUH!? You DON’T and… And neither did Orion.” Ratchet said softly, his optics looking back down at Optimus’s. “You see, that was the thing. The longer I spent time with you, the more I saw Orion wasn’t gone, not truly, just different. _You_ were different. But the core of you is always the same, no matter what happens to you and I… Well that is what I love Optimus, your core, who you truly are and will always be. It doesn’t matter if you lose everything, if the world tries to tear you apart… As is does so very often, you are _you_ and… And that is who I love.”

Optimus smiled sadly before looking away, “Some things a-are d-different now…” He said bitterly but it was the medic’s turn to gently ease his helm back to face him.

“Some things were different with the Matrix too, but like I said, you can get through it. Especially if you have friends that support you instead of fighting you all along the way.” Ratchet said guiltily, his optics dimming but he didn’t pull them away like before.

“Y-you s-supported me the b-best y-you could. I f-failed you. Y-you suffered t-too.” Optimus’s soft voice said and Ratchet shrugged.

“I am fine, Optimus. I wasn’t the one to…”

“No, you aren’t.” Optimus said sternly, his voice finding a strength that surprised even him given the state of his spark.

Ratchet blinked at him in surprise, “I, I am alright, Optimus. Really. Especially now that…”

“Don’t lie t-to me, please Ratchet?” Optimus pleaded, his optics growing soft as he looked at the older mech. “Not t-to me, old friend.” 

Ratchet sighed in defeat. “I, I suppose I am not as alright as I would like to pretend.” He muttered begrudgingly. “I don’t know what I am, to be honest. This whole thing has just been one chaotic moment after another and I just feel… I feel _tired_.”

“M-me too…” Optimus said with a small smile. “P-perhaps we c-can rest, h-heal… _T-together?”_

Ratchet gnawed at his lower derma as he thought. “Optimus, I don’t know. You, you have Megatron. _He_ can help you. I believe that now and don’t want to come in between…”

“I wouldn’t have him if it weren’t for you, Ratchet. I believe that means something.” A voice suddenly said and Ratchet lifted his helm to find a rather unsteady looking Megatron standing at the end of the hall.

“M-Megatron I…” Ratchet started nervously just to feel Optimus grasp tight to his servo.

“I n-need… I l-love…” Optimus stuttered out, trying to push himself up to face the warlord but as Ratchet growled at him he settled back down into the medic’s lap with a huff of patience.

Megatron smirked as he stumbled down the hall. “I know, Optimus and I am not asking you to choose. I have seen what this mech has done for you, many times far more than I have.” The silver mech said heavily, stopping as he came to Optimus’s side and kneeling next to the two Autobots. “I am grateful for all he has done… I am grateful for him.” He said evenly, his crimson optics looking deeply in to the medic’s shocked blue ones. “I mean that, Ratchet. Without you I would have… I would have lost him again. Thank you for saving him, for _staying_ with him, all this time.”

The medic’s optics bulged at Megatron’s words. **_He is grateful for… For me?_**

Optimus smiled. “Th-thank you, b-both of you. W-without you I feel I, I w-would have b-been lost f-forever.” He said weakly, his optics dimming even more so as his energy continued to ebb.

Ratchet chuckled and shook his helm, “Well, I think we would be lost without you too, Optimus.”

Megatron scoffed, “Completely, as is evident by the vorns of war…” He said sarcastically and both Optimus and Ratchet laughed. “Come, let us get you off of this floor and back into berth.” The silver mech said gently, sliding his servos under Optimus’s frame carefully before lifting him high.

Ratchet frowned at the puddle of energon that was revealed once Optimus’s frame was lifted. “I, I will need to re-weld his injury.” He said as he stood and followed the pair.

Megatron nodded over his shoulder at him. “Yes, and what of afterwards?”

Ratchet stopped, a look of confusion falling across his faceplates. “Afterwards? What do you…”

“Are you going to leave after that?” Megatron asked simply, his red optics burning over his spiked shoulder and for a moment Ratchet felt his cowardice snap hungrily at his spark.

**_Afterwards… What happens afterwards? Well, well I…_ **

“I am going to stay.” He said suddenly, uncertain if it was his voice that had said it or some crazed mech considering how high pitched his voice sounded and he cleared his vocalizer. “I mean, you know, if…”

Megatron laughed before turning away from him with a smile. “Good.” Was all the mech said as he continued down the hall and Ratchet stared after him stupidly.

**_Good? Just good? No, “Frag that! or “Get off my ship!” or” Optimus is all mine!” Just… Just, good?_ **

He shook his helm, not even knowing where to begin when it came to following the path that had somehow led him to willingly stay the night on the Nemesis but he supposed… **_That is just how slag is now._**

Smiling he rushed after the former warlord, his spark feeling lighter than it had since, well probably before the war, and for the first time he felt real hope fill him. **_Who knows where this will lead but at least I know I am doing what I feel right in my spark for once instead of suffering through the chains I have placed on myself._**

**_………………………_ **

He stayed that night, his frame curled up tightly to Optimus’s as Megatron went off to speak to Magnus about a peace treaty. Ratchet had insisted he be there in case Magnus fell too far back into the rules and such, but Megatron told him he could handle the blue mech saying guilt was a powerful motivator and apparently he was right. Thus everything began to change.

That night the former warlord Megatron and Ultra Magnus sat down and began drafting the first peace treaty for Decepticons and Autobots in, well _ever_.

Both teams knew it would be some time before old rivalries and old wounds were mended, but for the sake of Optimus, and all of them honestly, they promised to try and get along, though Megatron made no promises when it came to the deserter Starscream.

Over the next few solar-cycles Megatron and Magnus argued and fought over specifics, but it never got to the point of energon being spilt, so it was a good sign for what was to come!

Optimus remained on the Nemesis during that time, not having anything to do with negations as he healed slowly. He still had nightmares during that time, and it was then Megatron and Ratchet would use the cortical patch and pull him out of his fears gently. It was always Megatron who entered as Ratchet monitored the session from the med bay. The medic insisted that with consistency, over time Optimus might recognize Megatron’s energy signal more readily and see him far quicker, and it turned out he was right.

Soon enough Optimus got so used to Megatron entering his dreams that he would even recognize him much earlier in the dreams allowing the silver mech to lead him from his nightmares much faster than before. Unfortunately though, as his frame healed his old _problems_ began to surface once again but with Megatron’s help and sometimes Ratchet’s comfort, they were able to mitigate the issue and control it.

As the months passed and with both teams working together now on finding the Iacon relics, the promise of restoring Cybertron began to grow brighter and brighter. If anything that brought the two teams together even faster. Having to rely upon one another in their searching, as Megatron insisted one Decepticon and one Autobot be on each search team, it forced them to begin to see each other as just bots instead of only enemies.

It was slow going at first and horribly angst ridden but when Bumblebee and Soundwave finally found the first of the keys, it spurred the two teams hopes even higher and their determination grew as did their acceptance of one another.

Optimus slowly recovered all the while, his spark mending its pathways and energy distribution over time but it was an injury he would never truly heal from, so Ratchet said grimly one day. Optimus would always be far more susceptible to fluxing now, especially if his stress reached too high, as Ratchet constantly warned Megatron after certain nights with the Prime… But after about three months he was up and walking around almost normally again.

The Prime moved between his base and the Nemesis freely those days, welcomed at both no matter what time of the day it was. His team was exceptionally happy to have him back especially now that he smiled so often, and the Decepticons was more than happy to welcome the warming effect Optimus had on their leader. When Optimus was around Megatron seemed to be far more forgiving and patient, and that made everyone’s life on the Nemesis easier.

There was a point where Magnus had tried to _formally_ beg for forgiveness and Optimus allowed him to, at least for Magnus’s sake. He listened patiently as the mech listed out his flaws and faults until it was nearly a breem of constant apologies and he finally stood. Optimus had grabbed the blue mech then and pulled him into a hug, finally shutting the mech’s intake for a moment.

Magnus had frozen awkwardly in his arms, the blue mech’s faceplates slowing glowing as a blush took over them but as Optimus refused to let go, he finally forced himself to relax and his arms wrapped around his leader as well. “Thank you, Optimus.” He had whispered then to which the Prime had merely nodded.

Optimus knew that was all Magnus needed anyways, his second in command had never been an emotional mech so to say anything else just seemed like it would insult the mech’s pride. After that Magnus began to act a little less cold, maybe not steaming, but room temperature when it came to interacting with the team, and they all enjoyed the change.

Wheeljack enjoyed it most of all and slowly both Magnus and Wheeljack found it in themselves to get a little closer as time went on, much to the surprise of everyone.

All in all things were finally looking up for both the Decepticons, and Autobots. They nearly had the last two keys found, they were working together on stocking the ship for their journey back to Cybertron, and even the United States government applauded their alliance as they finally took down MECH for the humans.

Yes, in Ratchet’s always grumpy and cautious processor, he felt himself enjoying the last few months of peace and during that time he found a bit of peace in himself as well.

He _was_ suffering from what had occurred, had been for a while, yet there had been so much going on he had never had a chance to sit down and deal with any of it, until now. As the months passed he and Optimus made a pact that if things got too overwhelming, or even if they just needed to talk, they would go to the other for help.

At first Ratchet was stubborn as a mule over the pact but Optimus patiently, knowingly reminded him of how Ratchet felt when _he_ didn’t go to him for help so _eventually_ the medic relented and took advantage of the offer for help.

They would head to the top of their base on nights such as that, both staring at the stars as they spoke quietly together. Sometimes it would be a simple talk, something like how their day had been, or how their searching went, and then there were the nights where they would talk of their nightmares.

At times it was Optimus who cried and shook and sometimes it was Ratchet, sometimes both, but after they got through the worst of it they would lie there under the stars and hold each other close and to Ratchet, that was the best part of healing.

When he laid there under the stars with Optimus he felt whole, he felt complete and when Optimus looked at him, even with tear stained faceplates, he knew the larger mech felt the same way.

………………

“Where do you want this crate?” Bulkhead asked as he stomped up the ramp to the Nemesis’s docking bay.

“That goes to the med lab.” Knockout said as he peered at the contents in the box. “Ugh, how you bots survived with such rudimentary medical equipment is beyond me!” He exclaimed with a shake of his helm.

Ratchet peered over at the younger medic with a frown. “It is not the tools that make a great medic, mech! I have patched up plating with little more than a blow torch and a…”

“Ahhh, don’t remind me!” Smokescreen pleaded with a shiver and all those in the hanger laughed well, all except for Ratchet who huffed in frustration.

“At least I saved your pretty aft from infection.” He grumbled as he knelt and rummaged through some more crates of supplies that were being brought in from their base. They were getting closer and closer to being able to leave Earth and both teams figured it was time to begin moving the Autobots into the warship.

“I am sure he is exceptionally grateful for that.” A soft voice said suddenly and Ratchet tore his optics from the numerous medical supplies he was inspecting to look up looked up to find Optimus standing over him.

“Pffft, ungrateful brat is what he is.” The medic said flatly but his spark warmed as Optimus leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on his forehelm.

“I do not believe any of us truly appreciate your worth, Ratchet.” Optimus said honestly as Ratchet blushed a bright shade of blue.

The medic cleared his vocalizer trying to cover his obvious embarrassment. He still wasn’t used to being so open about his relationship with Optimus, or with anyone for that matter. He, as always, was a very private mech but Optimus seemed to be pulling him out of his shell, albeit slowly. “Yeah well, you are right about that.” He mumbled as he looked back down into the crate before him.

Optimus laughed and Ratchet melted a little inside at the sound. “Megatron and I are going for another energon run, is there anything else we need from the base, old friend?”

Ratchet pursed his dermas thoughtfully. “I don’t think so, we have gotten the bulk of it here now. I suppose all that is left is whatever the humans had given us when we first arrived.” He laughed as he remembered Agent Fowler’s attempts to aid them in supplies by giving them random bits of human primitive technology.

Optimus hummed as he looked out of the hanger’s doors and scanned the desert, “It is incredible to think we will be leaving Earth soon, and peacefully at that.”

Ratchet nodded as he too looked out at the dusty terrain, “You know, I thought this would be it. I thought we would be stuck here until we all just shriveled up and died.”

Optimus tilted his helm and peered at Ratchet curiously, “Do bot’s shrivel?” He asked with a playful smile and Ratchet rolled his optics.

“You know what I mean.” The medic retorted, his spark simply singing as Optimus laughed once more. He loved that sound.

“Are you ready, Optimus?” Megatron’s voice called over to the Prime and both Optimus and Ratchet looked over as the silver mech approached.

“Yes, did you want me to take the Western mine or…”

“I will take that one. There far less supplies there and as you have the trailer, you can carry more.” Megatron stated, but his optics scanned over the Prime carefully. “That is as long as it doesn’t stress out your spark.”

Ratchet scoffed, “Wish you would be so worried about that more often, _mech_. It isn’t just dragging a trailer that can get a spark pulsing too fast.”

As Optimus now blushed a bright shade of blue, Megatron merely laughed. “I take very good care of my mate, Ratchet. I make sure his spark is strong and steady the whole time, don’t I Optimus?”

“Ohhh, Primus. Can we just go?” Optimus bemoaned rubbing his faceplates as he began walking down the ramp.

Megatron peered at Ratchet before winking at him. “He is stronger than you know, Ratchet. If you ever let yourself go for a minute, you would realize that.”

“I let go!” Ratchet exclaimed only to immediately fall quite as the other members in the hanger looked over at him curiously. “I let go, just _fine_.” He whispered then, hating as Megatron looked at him flatly.

“Have you even tried to be with him on a more intimate level than cuddl…” The silver mech started, but Ratchet quickly shushed him.

“ _That,_ that is none of your concern, _remember_? What happens between me and Optimus is our business, and yours… Yours. That was the deal!” The medic hissed.

“Then stop poking around in mine.” Megatron said with a shrug as he began to walk out of the hanger.

“I, I am only doing it for medical reasons!” Ratchet called after the mech but Megatron pointedly ignored him, yet the medic could see a smirk on the mech’s faceplates from a mile away.

“Pffft… I let go.” He muttered to himself as he glowered at Megatron’s retreating backplates.

“No, you really don’t.”

Ratchet yelped as Knockout suddenly appeared beside him. “Arrgh, what is wrong with you mech!?”

Knockout smiled, “See, you were so focused on being jealous of Megatron you didn’t hear me calling your designation, four times mind you. You don’t let go. I don’t even know you that well, but I can tell you don’t. Frag, your bots know it too.”

“Y-Yes I do!” Ratchet retorted angrily, his faceplates again burning a shade of blue.

“No ya don’t.” Smokescreen said from across the room and the medic growled at the youngling.

“Nobody asked you!” Ratchet grumbled before turning back to Knockout. “It isn’t any of your business anyways!”

Wheeljack smiled as he came around the corner with another load of crates. “Frag mech, even Magnus lets go more than you do, but I guess you are old so…”

“I am not that old!” Ratchet grated out as the bots around him laughed.

“Then stop acting like it! Frag Doc, you have got to be the prudist bot I have ever met.” Wheeljack said through his laughter.

“No kidding.” Knockout agreed as Ratchet glared at him. “If I had the Prime loving me, oooh that mech… The things I could…”

“Arrrgh, all right _enough_! Frag, what is wrong with you all. You overcharged, uncivilized, heathens! I am headed back to the base!” Ratchet grunted out as he stomped out of the hanger before transforming and driving off.

Smokescreen, Wheeljack, and Knockout watched as the medic sped away, Smokescreen frowning guilty as he peered at the two older mechs next to him. “Do, do you think we really upset him?”

“Nah, Doc will get over it. It is good to him back to his _normally_ miserable self.” The technician said with a sad smile. “I prefer this Doc compared to… Well the _other_.”

“And who knows, maybe he will get so upset he might force himself to relax just out of spite.” The red medic jested and Wheeljack laughed.

Smokescreen nodded thoughtfully, “Is it because he is still dealing with, well that stuff from before I got here?”

Both Knockout and Wheeljack stopped laughing at the question. They looked at each other before Wheeljack turned towards the newest addition to the Autobots. “We are _all_ still dealing with it kid, in varying degrees, but no… I think, I think the Doc just needs to know he doesn’t just have to be a medic, a fixer all the time. Especially when it comes to Optimus. Once he figures that out, I think we will see a whole new side to him, well maybe.”

“Optimus does seem to have a knack for pushing the boundaries of the impossible doesn’t he?” Knockout asked with a smile. “I mean just take a look at Megatron these days. I don’t think I have heard him yell more than twenty times this week. I _know_ that is a new record.”

“See kid, if anyone can get Ratchet out of his shell, it is Optimus. Come on, we have more stuff to carry in and it is getting late.” Wheeljack suggested as he hoisted his crate higher and began his journey deeper into the ship.

The other two mechs grabbed some crates as well but just before they entered the halls of the ship Smokescreen turned to the Decepticon medic. “They, they never caught Lockdown, did they?”

Knockout’s faceplates changed almost immediately, and the younger mech wasn’t certain if the anger he found there was directed at him for asking the question or…

“No, they didn’t but I will say one thing... If Megatron _ever_ finds that sick fragger, it will be the last time anyone ever hears from him again.”

“Good.” Smokescreen said with a nod. “I know I am an Autobot and all but if Megatron finds him, I hope he rips his tainted spark out.”

Knockout scoffed, his helm shaking as he thought of _exactly_ what Megatron were to do if he ever found Lockdown. “Ohhh, kid. I have been with Megatron a long, looong time. If he ever finds Lockdown… Let’s just say getting his spark ripped out will be the least of that fragger’s worries. There are far worse things than death, especially when it comes to Megatron and anyone threatening Orion.”

“You mean Optimus?” Smokescreen asked as they began walking once more and Knockout chuckled.

“On in the same mech. One in the same.”

………………………..

Ratchet fumed as he walked through their base for nearly a tenth time and still found nothing else he needed to grab. The others had apparently packed quickly and efficiently throughout the last few weeks and now, there was nothing left to bring.

He stomped over to his old med bay, his optics searching for any tool, or frag, even a piece of scrap he could grab when he peered at one of the berths and sighed. It was here, not so long ago, where Optimus had laid after his torture. Here where Ratchet had sat at the wounded Prime's side, day in and day out waiting...

Waiting and watching over him as he slowly, painfully pieced him back together.

“Optimus…” He mumbled out as he walked over and sat on the bare berth. His servos rubbing over the smooth metal as he quietly pondered to himself.

So much had changed since Lockdown. They were at peace with the Decepticons, they had moved into the Nemesis, and were just about to restore Cybertron… It was amazing in a way, incredible that such a horrifying tragedy could lead to so much good.

He huffed bitterly as he thought of Lockdown’s last words. How he said he had been sent to end the war and low and behold, that is exactly what he did. But, but for whom?

Who sent him here, who instructed him to take Optimus, did they, or was that just one way Lockdown planned on completing his task?

“Sick fragger. Leave it to him to go about it by nearly destroying Optimus.” He whispered darkly before shaking his helm and sliding back off the berth. He checked his chronometer and frowned when he noticed how late it was. “Arrrgh, damnit. I should get back before…”

“Do you always talk to yourself like that, or is it more of a _recent_ hobby?” A voice suddenly called out behind him and Ratchet froze at the sound of it.

**_N-nooo… No… It can’t be. It can’t!_ **

His optics widened as his frame slowly turned towards the intruder. He moved mechanically, almost as if he had no control of his actions until finally he faced the silhouetted mech that stood just outside of the med bay doors. “H-h-how…” He mumbled through numb dermas, his vents ceasing as he stumbled backwards.

“I have heard talking to yourself can be a byproduct of an emotionally scarred processor.” The mech said as he slowly advanced on the trembling medic, his smile glittering in the dim lights of the base.

Ratchet whimpered as he folded in on himself, his frame balling up brokenly on the floor as he cowered before the mech.

“Shhh, shhh, little one. Don’t worry, I am not here for you, but you _will_ help me find who I need.” The shadowed mech said sweetly.

“N-neeevvverrrr!” Ratchet moaned out, his vents ragged as the mech crouched down in front of him.

“They all say that, but in the end, well…” Lockdown sneered as he lowered his helm, his servo reaching out to pull Ratchet’s close to his and he smiled into the medic’s wide, tear filled optics. “I always get what I want, don’t I?”

Ratchet keened, his spark racing, hammering in his chassis as he sent a desperate message to Optimus. : **Don’t come to the base, no matter what! Lockdown, he is here, and he wants _you_!:**

Lockdown suddenly chuckled and Ratchet felt his spark fall to his tanks. He knew that chuckle, and it never meant anything good was coming after it.

“Cute message, medic. But how about we alter it a bit?” Lockdown said gently and Ratchet paled as he heard his voice read back a message he had never recorded.

_“Optimus, could you come by the base? I need to talk to you.”_

“There we go, that is better.” The bounty hunter grinned as Ratchet fought from purging, his panic increasing tenfold as Optimus’s voice suddenly filled his helm.

**:Of course Ratchet, I was on my way back from the mine anyways. I will be there soon, old friend.:**

Lockdown nodded approvingly. “Very good. Now,” He looked over Ratchet’s pale faceplates contemplatively. “Let’s get you ready for our company, yes?”


	8. Hellish Paths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellllllo! Been so long. So, I had written the first half awhile ago but I got busy on other slag and I need a particular mood to write this story cause it is heavy. This chapter... Ohhhh... So, not gonna get into details. Enjoy and sorry for errors. ;'(

{Within the Nemesis's Hanger}

**:Megatron, Ratchet has asked to see me back at the base so I will be a bit late in returning to the Nemesis.:**

The silver mech frowned at the message Optimus sent him. **:Why is he at the base? I thought it was emptied yesterday?:** He sent back, stretching his aching back as he stared out at the desert before him.

He had just returned to the ship himself after his final energon run, and wasn’t surprised to find Optimus still out, yet he was surprised to discover Ratchet had left. **_I wonder if it is because of what I said?_**

 **:I do not know. I tried to message him back but he hasn’t answered. We shouldn’t be too long though, I am running on fumes now.:** Optimus’s tired voice proved just how spent the mech felt and Megatron sighed.

 **:Very well. You know, he doesn’t have to hide from me to speak to you, Optimus.:** Megatron sent back feeling a little guilty if he had made the medic run off. He was still getting used to their odd relationship as well. He understood it wasn’t just Optimus that had suffered after Lockdown, and tried to be as understanding and accommodating as he could be concerning both mechs’ broken processors but there were times even he didn’t know what to do even after so many months.

**:I know, Megatron, and I am sure he knows as well. We, we are all figuring this out together love. We will get there.:**

Megatron smiled as Optimus called him love. **_Who knew one day we would return to this way of life._**

 **:I love you Optimus. Please be safe and don’t overtax yourself. It is our night tonight.:** He added with another smirk, his spark pulsing with anticipation. Yes, their nights together had started as a desperate means to control Optimus’s training but now…

Every time he lay with the mech it was different. Sometimes it was blinding, jagged, and wild and others… Other times it was softer, slower and he found himself uncertain which he liked better, much to his surprise.

He did love the brutal nights, where the two of them challenged each other until Optimus eventually submitted, but… But the softer nights held a weight that felt far more real, and important. When he could move slowly within the smaller mech, their optics locked as they gasped out each other’s designations and writhed together, it was equally as beautiful just in an entirely different way.

 **:I haven’t forgotten.:** He heard laughter in Optimus’s words and his smile grew until the Prime’s next message came to him. **:I am here love. I will message you when we are…:**

When Optimus suddenly stopped mid transmission, and his audial filled only with the hum of static Megatron frowned once more before attempting to radio him back. **:Optimus? Your last message cut out. What were you saying?:**

He waited patiently for a response, his optics looking back out into the clouded sky seeking out the beams of moonlight as a strange sense of dread began to fill his spark but _why,_ he wasn’t sure. **:Optimus?:** He tried again, walking to the edge of the docking ramp as his crimson optics scanned the terrain.

**:I apologize Megatron, interference. I am here, I will return soon. Optimus out.:**

Megatron blinked in confusion at the odd, but not so odd message he received. Technically nothing was _truly_ off about the message. He had answered and that is all that should matter, right?

The former warlord rubbed at his chest plates, his spark was aching under the plating there and that did little to ease his fears. **_It is nothing. I am overreacting. Optimus will be back soon with Ratchet, I am sure of it._**

Shaking his helm he turned and began making his way back into the ship. **_I am worrying for nothing. I swear, since Optimus and I have come together I worry over that bot for everything. Fragger has turned me into some house maid! He is lucky I love him, otherwise I would… Wait, he didn’t say I love you before he signed off._**

He turned and faced the docking doors once more. Technically he hadn’t either, given the oddity of Optimus’s last message, but Optimus always, _always_ said I love you nowadays when he said goodbye. It was something Megatron loved about the mech, how he always reminded him, no matter what, that he was loved before they said goodbye…

“Arrrrgh, frag it!” The former warlord swore as he stomped to the end of the ramp and transformed. **_I will just fly by and check. I don’t want to interrupt their time together, or seem haunting but something doesn’t feel right and I won’t relax a klik until I check!_**

He sent a quick message to Soundwave, alerting his second in command of his whereabouts before blasting off into the sky, berating himself for doing it the whole time. **_He is fine, I am being paranoid!_**

He repeated those words over and over as he flew but, he would have been lying to himself if he didn’t feel some sort of relief in double checking anyways.

………………….

Optimus vented wearily as he pulled up along the side of his old base and transformed. He looked back at the trailer he had pulled happy to find the majority of all of the energon still stacked within it neatly. He had hit a few bumps along the way to the base and had feared he lost some of his cargo, but apparently not as much as he had originally expected.

Smiling even as exhaustion burned through his fuel lines he sent Megatron another message to inform the mech he had arrived, but as he entered the base his radio began to fill with static. **_That is odd. I wonder if in the move some interference was triggered?_**

He glanced back down the hall he entered through, wondering if he should step back outside to finish the message when he heard some shuffling behind him and he turned to see Ratchet standing in the center of the base’s main communications room.

“I apologize for being late Ratchet. I was trying not to lose my cargo.” He said with a laugh as he walked up to the smaller mech. “What was it that you wished to talk…” Optimus stopped, his optics adjusting in the low light as he scanned over Ratchet’s frame more closely. The smaller mech seemed to be standing with his servos behind his back, and his optics were shuttered but what confused the Prime most of all was how Ratchet’s field was untouchable and how he seemed to be shaking.

**_What is going on? Is, is he trembling? Why are his optics closed? What is going on!?_**

“Ratchet?” Optimus asked as he approached the odd scene more cautiously. “Are you alri…”

All of a sudden the lights in the base shut off enveloping Optimus and Ratchet in complete and utter darkness. Optimus stumbled back. He desperately tried to cycle his optics to see anything but it was to no avail.

“Ratchet! Ratchet where are you?” He asked nervously, his voice giving him comfort in the dark when he felt something touch his side.

He spun with a yell, his arms flailing out in front of him yet he couldn’t feel anything. “WHO’S THERE!?” He cried into the silent darkness, his spark pounding under his chest plates. There was another touch on his right side and he jumped away only to slam into something hard and fall to the ground with a groan.

“Uhhh… Ratchet… Ratchet, what is going on!? Are you alright? W-where are you!?” Panic began to burn through his frame like acid, his spark pulsing so quickly it ached and he tried desperately to calm himself before he fluxed. **_You need to calm down! You need to focus! Uhh, my spark… It hurts…_**

He turned his helm blindly in the darkness, scrambling backwards to hopefully stay out of reach of whatever kept touching him, but it seemed no matter where he went the unseen demon followed.

“Wh-what, WHAT IS THIS!? WHO IS THERE!?” He screamed raggedly as more touches followed. He felt something rub his pede, then move up to his chassis, his helm… “LEAVE ME ALOOOONE!” He flipped over to his knees and servos, desperately trying to claw his way out of the base and away from the darkness when he felt two servos grab ahold of his hips and hold them firmly.

“N-noooo…” He whimpered as one of those oddly familiar servos slowly worked its way between his legs and rubbed his panels roughly. “NOOOOO!” He screeched, his servo transforming into his rifle as he rolled to his back just to hear the darkness chuckle.

“Careful, you don’t want to hit Ratchet.” The voice said gently, and Optimus froze.

**_Oh gods, oh Primus! It’s, it’s Lockdown!? LOCKDOWN HAS ME!? LoCkDoWN HaS mEeEeEE!?_ **

“AHHHHHHH! STOOOOOP! PLEASE, PLEEEASE!?” Something inside him snapped and he felt his entire existence being swallowed by the darkness that surrounded him. He sobbed openly, rolling to his chestplates as he dragged his twitching frame across the floor. “Please, please… No more… Nnnno. Nooo moore. NO MOOORE!”

A heavy weight fell over his back, one strong servo grasping both of his wrists and pinning them to the ground above his helm as he cried and wept. “Shhh… It will be over quickly.” Lockdown’s voice filled his audial and he gasped for air as his spark’s pain grew.

“No, no, no, no….” The Prime begged as the other mech’s free servo slid down the side of his frame gently.

“Ohhh, I have missed this, Optimus. I have missed the sounds you make, even the tears, but most of all…” The bounty hunter groaned as he slid his servo back between Optimus’s hips and rubbed the plating there gently. “I have missed this.” He finished with a hiss, his helm lowering and glossa coming out to lick at Optimus’s audio finial before biting it hard.

“Ahhhh! NOOO!” Optimus bucked, trying to heave the other mech off of him but as his spark signature became more erratic his strength seemed to be dissolving by the klik.

Lockdown smiled down at his prize. “He was supposed to destroy you. He was supposed to control you and win the war as you slaved for him the rest of your life, but what do I find when I arrive? Autobots and Decepticons working together as a team? I am very disappointed, slave.”

Optimus whimpered as Lockdown’s servo tightened painfully on his wrists, and he felt some of his plating begin to bend under the pressure. “F-Forgive…”

“Oh no, that is not how you earn my forgiveness. You know what I want…” Lockdown said as he lifted his free servo high. “Moan for me slave.” He groaned out before slamming his fist right into the center of Optimus’s back.

“AHHHH!” Optimus cried as pain tore through his lower chassis and as he felt Lockdown’s weight shift, knowing the mech was going to hit him again he sobbed harder. “Nooo… Please…” He whispered, his processor glitching as he fought to stay in control of his own thoughts. **_I can’t fall away, I can’t! What is he trying to do? Does he want me to imprint on him? Ohh help me Primus! Help me be…_**

The fist came down again, and again, and again… He screamed with each punch, his weak frame twisting and turning as he tried to dislodge the mech from where he sat, but it only seemed to put more pressure on his spark. **_I, I can’t keep this up! I can’t or I will flux, I will…_**

As if he didn’t have enough to worry about, Optimus’s panic grew as that wretched heat began to overtake his lower chassis, almost equaling out the pain there. He tried to stay in control, to stay in his right processor, but as the beating continued he felt himself spiraling away bit by agonizing bit.

**_Noo, I need to be strong! Ratchet needs me, Megatron needs me! I can do this! I CAN FIGHT THIS! I HAVE TO!_ **

“ **NOOOOOOO!** ” He screamed as he used the last of his strength and twisted his servos free of Lockdown’s grip, his already transformed rifle swinging around as far back as he could aim it and he fired with a roar.

“Arrrrgh!” Lockdown yelled out as he was hit right in his chest plates, his frame flying backwards from the blast and landing somewhere further off in the darkness.

Optimus blinked, amazed that he had hit the mech before he realized he needed to move, and move _fast_. **_I can’t see but…_** He knew it was possibly a terrible idea but he needed some light to find Ratchet, so as he pushed himself off the ground he opened his chestplates and the base was suddenly bathed in the crystal blue light of the Matrix.

He set his optics to their most sensitive setting as he scanned around the darkness madly. **_Where is he!? Where… THERE!_**

He ran towards were Ratchet’s frame was, grabbing the smaller mech waist as he tried to pick him up only to find that the mech was chained to a pole of sorts behind his back.

“Arrrgh!” He growled in frustration and fear as he tried pulling the chains apart but was too weak to break them. “I am sorry old friend.” Was all Optimus said as he lifted his rifle, aiming as well as he could in the low light, and fired on the chains.

The first shot hit poor Ratchet right in his left servo and Optimus grimaced at the scent of burning plating. It was clear Ratchet was unconscious, otherwise he would have been screaming from the pain. Focusing better now, Optimus stilled his shaking arm, aimed even more carefully and fired again.

He almost cheered as Ratchet’s frame crumpled to the ground, and he rushed to pick up the mech when he felt a wave of vertigo hit him. “Uhhhh…” Optimus moaned dizzily before dropping to a knee beside the medic. **_I, I am too weak, my spark is too weak… I can’t lift him!_**

He looked around the darkness, desperately scanning for Lockdown but after a klik he turned back to Ratchet. **_I need to reboot him! Hopefully Lockdown is down for the count, but I can’t focus on him, we need to get out of here first!_**

He wasn’t well trained, medically speaking, but he knew well enough how to reboot a fallen soldier. Optimus grated his denta as he opened Ratchet’s medical port and his own, attaching the his own thin wire before going through the system files and finding the one for manual reboot and activating it.

“Come on… Come on Ratchet!” He begged nervously, his optics still scanning around them blindly as the medic’s programing shut down and fired back up. Never had a reboot seemed to take so fragging long, but eventually it got to the point where he could unplug the wire and close their medical ports and just wait.

Ratchet’s fans spun to life, and his engine began humming…

“Come on…”

His fuel lines circulated, and gears and pistons clicked and whirled…

“COME ON!”

And finally his optics flickered, once, twice before blazing to life brightly as the confused mech looked hazily up at the terrified Prime. “Op-Optimus? What hap…”

“WE NEED TO MOVE!” Optimus yelled as he grabbed Ratchet’s good servo and helped the older mech to his unsteady pedes.

Ratchet blinked as he tried to understand what was going on. He remembered coming to the base, then… Then Lockdown! Then he was chained to the poll, his optics were offlined, his vocalizer shut down, all he could do was shake in fear and then… Nothi…

“Arrrgh…” He moaned as fire ran up his arm from his left servo and he looked down to find it terribly mangled and burned.

Optimus vented raggedly, the agony in his spark making it hard to stand up right. “I, I am sorry. I missed… Shot… But, but we need to… “

“SLAAAAVE!”

Optimus keened as he scrambled backwards from the furious bellow. He scanned around him in terror but couldn’t find the wicked mech anywhere. “We, we need to goooo…” He whispered harshly, the pulsing in his chest feeling like lightning bolt every time energy surged through it.

Ratchet nodded, “Let’s go, let’s GO!” He ignored his ruined servo as horror filled him and he grabbed Optimus’s servo, planning on dragging the obviously struggling Prime behind him when a there was a _boom_ and suddenly he was thrown from his pedes as agony tore through his side plating.

“RATCHET!” Optimus cried, turning to go after the medic when he felt that same wretched servo curl around his throat and the other slide around to the front of his chest before it plunged into his open spark chamber and encircled both the Matrix and his spark behind it.

“Arrrrgh!” Optimus cried out at the odd sensation, his already damaged spark pulsing erratically under Lockdown’s servo as he forced himself to remain still.

“Impressive.” Lockdown whispered into his audial as he caressed the Prime’s weak spark gently. His digits reached behind the Matrix dipping into the warm of the mechs spark as energy coiled around each of them. “You aren’t as broken as I remember.”

“What do you want w-with meee?” Optimus strangled out his frame flinching with every digit that invaded his spark. It was an awful thing to experience, having this monster play with his very core, his spark of life. Some mates would do such things out of love and trust, but having Lockdown touch him like this, it just made his pulsing grow even more erratic and made him feel sick to his tanks.

“I told you, you were meant to be destroyed before the war ended. Fall from grace, so to speak, under the claws of Megatron and yet you somehow wormed your way into his spark.” Lockdown said with a small chuckle as he played with a tendril of energy and Optimus gasped at the sensation. “My employer had few specifics, but that you weren’t to be killed, just disgraced and fall to Megatron, beg to be his. _Crawl_ to him, bow to him.”

Optimus grated his denta as the mech kept caressing his spark softly, hating how the sensations that were coming from the filthy invading servo weren’t feeling so awful now, but gentle, relaxing, and pleasant. To touch such a sensitive piece of him, what made him function, and held his very existence…

“Wh-who h-hired you!?” He choked out, desperately trying to ignore what the other mech was doing to him.

Lockdown chuckled once more, the servo around Optimus’s throat tightening slightly as he liked the mech’s audial finial. “That is the question isn’t it? Who would benefit from a Prime being enslaved by Megatron? Who would want an agent of Primus to fall from grace and prove Primus holds no true power? Who would hire the _best_ to assure that outcome?”

Lockdown snarled as he pulled Optimus closer to him. “And I _am_ the best. Or was, until I somehow failed with _you_. I don’t like failing, _Pet_. I never fail to deliver and I will not let you be my first!” The bounty hunter suddenly tightened his hold on Optimus’s spark and the Prime screamed as fire tore through his entire being.

With every clench of the mech’s fist it felt as if he were drowning, being smothered from the inside out and in essence, that was exactly what was happening. He gasped for vents, his frame jerking as the flow of energy was stalled, interrupted and his vision went white from the agony until suddenly, he was released.

His frame crashed to the floor limply, his fans whirling and spark flashing as it franticly tried to stabilize. He jerked as if he had been shocked, drool coming from his intake as Lockdown laughed behind him.

“You _will_ fall, Optimus Prime. You will kneel before Megatron one way or another.” The bounty hunter said as he closed Optimus’s chestplates and flipped the mech so he could reach the back of Optimus’s neck. “I have worked too hard to fail now.”

Optimus was hardly conscious at this point, his spark no longer frantic as it pulsed faintly in its chamber. He felt Lockdown remove a panel at the back of his helm, felt his cold digits sink inside of him and begin to work through the wiring there. **_No… Please. Please Primus, why is he doing this, who would want to destroy me like this? Who beyond Megatron himself, once upon a time. Is it a Decepticon? One that wants to assist Megatron to succession? Or, or an Autobot?_**

Suddenly his audials cut out and Optimus screamed. **_NOOOO! He is going to make me deaf and blind again! I won’t be able to escape if I can’t see!_**

Using what little strength he had left Optimus roared, or it felt like he did before he pushed himself up, knocking Lockdown back unsteadily before he raised his rifle and shot the fragger once more.

Light filled his vision yet he heard no sound and suddenly Lockdown was off of him, the cable he had had attached to the back of Optimus’s helm ripping out of him painfully as the mech went flying backwards.

**_Move! Move find Ratchet and RUUUUN!_ **

Optimus flipped back around forcing himself to his shaking pedes as he scanned around himself. He still couldn’t hear so calling for the medic would do no good and it was so dark he could hardly see nevermind the echoes of his rifle blast that still stung his optics. **_What do I do? How will I find him!? How will I esca…_**

Something touched his arm and Optimus screamed, spinning his rifle around and he was just about to shoot when he noticed it was Ratchet beside him. **_Oh thank Primus!_**

The older mech was bleeding heavily from his side and seemed to be yelling at him but Optimus just shook his helm. “I CAN’T HEAR! JUST RUN!” He yelled as loud as he could, uncertain of the volume of his voice as he grabbed Ratchet’s wounded servo and began to trip through the darkness.

**_Just move, just MOVE, MOOOVE! DON’T STOP! GO, GO, GOOO!_ **

He stumbled, fell plenty of times, and banged into walls desperately trying to get him and Ratchet out, to get them safe. **_Please! Where is the exit!? Am I just running further into the base or towards the exit?_**

He felt Ratchet tug at his arm and he stopped his mad dash just for a second to peer behind him. The older mech was slumped lower, his chassis heaving but he was pointing at something to the left of them.

Optimus followed his digit and he felt his spark skip as he found moonlight spilling in… **_THE EXIT!_**

He laughed, he was fairly certain, as he took off towards the exit, his shaking legs and racing spark screaming at him for a pause, for a moment of rest but he pushed on. **_Not yet! We can’t stop! Almost… Almost…_**

Something dark suddenly jumped in Optimus’s path and all he could do was utter out a small whimper before light took over his vision once more and agony tore through the front of his chassis as he was blown off his pedes. He slammed onto his back struts a few feet from where he was shot, his chassis and spark on fire. **_Arrrrgh, gods… Oh help… Help me please!?_**

Ratchet ran up to him the older mech looking down at him so sadly, so brokenly as he offered him a servo to stand.

**_Ratchet, I… I don’t know if I can save us._** Optimus mournfully thought as he gripped the medic’s servo guilt and terror splintering his spark when he was unexpectedly dropped by the mech.

His frame fell heavily given the severe lack of strength he had and his helm cracked against the floor so hard it rattled something inside and suddenly he could hear!

“Uhhh… I am s-sorry Op-Optimus…”

Optimus groaned at the wretchedly broken apology he heard and as he raised his helm back up, blinking the spots from his vision he stared in horror as he found Ratchet still leaning over him, the medic’s faceplates scrunched up in pain and sorrow and from his chest glittered the tip of a blade.

“R-Ratchet?” Optimus whispered numbly, the older mech’s energon falling on him like rain, dripping along his legs, his lower torso, and his faceplates each drip blending with the tears that fell from his optics and soon, he was sitting in a pool of his oldest friend’s blood…

“Fragger.” Lockdown hissed in disgust, grabbing the back of Ratchet’s helm tightly in his servo before pulling him up. He grunted as he wiggled the blade free, wrenching it out of Ratchet with the same care one would hold if they were pulling a stubborn nut from a piece of machinery before throwing the mech aside. “Serves you right.”

Optimus watched in horrified shock as Ratchet groaned, the medic’s optics wide and flickering as he fell with a splash and resounding clang… His frame now shivering in a pool of his own energon.

“R-Raatchet…” Optimus called feebly to him, his voice emitting a guttural clicking sound and Ratchet… Ratchet peered up at him sadly before smiling.

“Gotta f-fight, l-love… S-stronger… I’m o-ok.” The medic whispered, energon bubbling out of his intake before he sighed his vents wet and forced as his optics shuttered closed and fell silent.

Lockdown scoffed as he stood tall and eased his ragged vents. “Wasn’t planning on killing him, fragger’s own fault.”

Optimus couldn’t vent, couldn’t move, and it seemed like his spark had frozen as well. **_Ratchet? Ratchet come on… You gotta get up, we… We need to go home, old friend. We are going to Cybertron! R-remember…_**

He crawled over to the medic, his frame sticky with the mech’s energon, optics blinking out the blood that stung them as he whimpered. He reached out a trembling servo shaking the older mech’s shoulder gently.

“R-Ratchet?” He whispered, smiling just in case the mech opened his optics… He would be in pain and, and smiles were good for those in… In p-pain…

Ratchet didn’t respond and the silence he received from the mech tore into Optimus’s shattered spark. “P-please, Ratchet?” He asked so nicely, his smile twitching as he wiped the energon from his lover’s cheek. “We, we need to go h-home. E-everything is p-packed, ready but… But w-we need you.”

Lockdown frowned as Optimus called to the medic his patience waning as he rolled his optics in irritation. “He’s lost mech and though this is _cute_ I have a job to finish.” He said as he stomped over to Optimus, roughly grabbing one of his servos before he began dragging him away.

“Nooo, NO! NOOOOO! LET GOOOO!” Optimus screamed, sense returning to him the further he was dragged from Ratchet’s frame. “NOOOO! RAAAAATCHEEEET! ARRRRRRRRGH!” He struggled, his frame thrashing against Lockdown but the bounty hunter merely kicked him in the helm repeatedly until he couldn’t see straight or fight any longer.

Optimus moaned, energon spilling from his own lips as he was pulled to gods knew where, his broken spark oddly still and so very, very heavy… **_I failed you… I failed you Ratchet. We… We were supposed to go h-home…_**

Tears fell from his optics as darkness overtook his vision and the last image he saw was the path of Ratchet’s energon that followed him as he was dragged into another nightmare.

………………………….

Megatron landed gracefully in the sands next to Optimus’s trailer, his red optics scanning the cart carefully before he began his journey into the base. **_Well, so far it seems rather normal. I hope I am not interrupting something important._**

In a way he felt guilty for worrying and possibly cutting in on a moment for Ratchet and Optimus. He had heard the medic rushed off in a huff earlier that day and he imagined it had something to do with why the mech had asked for Optimus to meet him here.

He sighed, rubbing the back of his helm as he walked. As worried as he was for walking in on something private between the two mechs that itch of doom kept eating at his spark. He may have been an impulsive mech but his instincts were usually on point and considering the fear he felt, and anxiety that… That terrified him.

He frowned as he walked deeper into the base, his optics adjusting so that he could see through the darkness. He was grateful for his red optics, they were far more adapt for darkness, many slaves and lower castes had them so that they could see better in the mines.

Scanning through the darkness his frown deepened, it was a mess in here. He hadn’t been there for the last run of equipment but when he had taken his last load from here the base had been far more organized and tidy. The crates they hadn’t needed or the left over human equipment had been stacked nicely and the floor had been…

He froze suddenly the distinctive burn of blaster fire and scorched metal reaching his olfactory sensor and as he adjusted its sensitivity a ragged growl came from him as he also noticed the scent of energon. **_What the frag!?_**

His cannon whirled to life, its purple light helping to guide him as he fell into battle mode and began his hunt. **_What the frag happened here? Why does it smell like a war zone? Where is OPTIMUS!?_**

The scent of energon grew stronger as he walked and he realized it wasn’t far from where he stood, just near the exit. He turned to his right, sniffing as he walked slowly, deliberately weaving his way through the clutter when he felt a cooling liquid squish under his pede. **_Oh no…_**

He peered down, his optics narrowing as they spotted the glistening pool of energon and followed it to where a frame lie. **_Frag it all!_**

Megatron jumped over the fallen crates before him, his vents rapid and strained as he fell to his knees sliding through the energon until he was right next to the frame. **_Fuck, Ratchet!?_**

The medic wasn’t moving, his frame cold but the wet sounds of venting could be heard. **_He is alive!?_**

Megatron gently flipped the mech so that he was lying on his back, his optics blazing as they scanned the jagged hole that went right through the mech’s spark chamber. **_Oh Ratchet…_**

“M-Mega…”

Megatron gasped, lifting himself so he was right above the mech’s helm. “Don’t talk mech, you are bleeding ou…”

“L-Lockdown… O-Optimus…” Ratchet explained weakly his helm turning to where a trail of blood led off towards the center of the base.

Megatron’s spark froze, his frame stiffening at the bounty hunter’s designation. “ _Lockdown_?” He grated out, all of the fuel in his lines suddenly on fire.

“H-help… O-Op…” Ratchet began but his words were quickly interrupted but him coughing up energon.

Megatron looked back down at the medic, what could he do for him!? He tried his radio but it seemed like something was jamming it! He peered at the exit venting wildly as he came to a decision. “Arrgh, I need to run you outside, I can’t radio for help in here!” He said quickly, scooting his arms as gently as he could under the medic before lifting him.

“Nooo…” Ratchet moaned but Megatron ignored him as he began running to the exit.

“Optimus loves you mech and if I just leave you there to die he will never forgive me, I have to try.” Megatron cried, his frame dripping with the poor mech’s blood. He ran as fast as he could not knowing how long Lockdown had had Optimus alone or what shape he would be in at this point.

**_How long did it take me to get here? Are they even still in the base? Arrrgh FUUUUCK!_ **

Finally he felt the night’s cool breeze hit his heated faceplates and he sighed in relief as his radio finally fired to life, sending a desperate plea to the Nemesis.

**:EVERYONE get to the Autobot base NOW! Lockdown has returned he has Optimus and Ratchet is DYING! MOVE!:**

He slowed, finding a level area before placing Ratchet’s frame down. “Drink this!” He exclaimed, pulling a cube of energon out of his subspace and bringing it to the mech’s lips. He wasn’t sure how much it would help the mech but if it could give him just a bit more fuel maybe he could stay alive just a little longer.

Ratchet choked down the energon, trying to drink as fast as possible but considering he the damage to his frame he got about half the cube down before he fell to emergency shutdown.

“Arrrrrgh, FUUUUUUUUCK!” Megatron screamed lowering the mech’s helm and running back to the base. He peered behind him one last time, feeling awful for leaving the medic out here alone, possibly to die but… **_It may be too late for him, but maybe not Optimus._**

He shook his helm, pushing back his guilt as his cannon whirled to life once more and he ran into the base. He would have liked to wait for back up but he had no time, Ratchet had no time, OPTIMUS had NO time!

He wasn’t as careful this time as he weaved his way through the dark base, banging into a few things now and then as he bolted for the energon trail. He vented out once he found it again his spark raging as he began to follow it.

He wasn’t certain if all of the blood was Ratchet’s or not yet the trail did seem to ebb as he went on leading him to believe Optimus was not as injured as the other mech. **_Lockdown, I am going to tear you apart!_**

Finally the trail ended and Megatron skidded to a stop as he stared down the two dark halls before him. **_Where do I go?_**

He vented out harshly, stilling his spark and rage as he turned up his audials and listened. He could hear pipes dripping, the echoes of the wind outside and _a ship!?_

His helm sprung up as he picked the hall to his right and sprinted down it madly. The hall ended in a hanger of sorts, one that probably held Wheeljack’s or Magnus’s ships, both of which were currently parked on the Nemesis. He scanned around spotting the foreboding black ship at the far end with a growl. Lockdown was evidently waiting for him to board as his docking doors hung open and unprotected and Megatron found himself presented with a hard choice.

He knew where he to board the mech would probably lock him in and take off, leading him away from the rest of his crew and hiding their signals just as he did when he first took Optimus and Ratchet, soooo… So what was he to do?

**_Should I wait for the others? If I do what more will be done to Optimus? Will he just take off before that and I will lose Optimus forever? Arrrgh, damnit!_ **

His choice was made for him as the shuttle’s engines suddenly fired to life and Megatron couldn’t help but wonder if the bounty hunter had somehow been watching him since he entered the base. “Damnit…” He snarled shaking his helm and racing to the ship.

Just as it began to lift off the ground Megatron made it to the ramp, leaping through the air and clutching to the metal slab with shaking servos as he dragged his frame aboard.

“Arrrrgh!” He grunted as he climbed up, rolling away as the ramp began to rise and he felt his spark hardening at the sight. He watched the moonlit sky disappear as the ramp shut, a hiss of a lock echoing in his audials, he was now stuck on the ship. **_Great… Now he has us both._**

He felt the ship move under him, apparently flying off to some unknown destination. **_I need to get to Lockdown, rip him to pieces, save Optimus and get home._**

He pushed himself to his pedes, stumbling slightly as the ship turned abruptly before its speed increased. He hated smaller shuttles, you could feel every twist or turn but he knew this wasn’t Lockdown’s main ship. He had seen that vessel when Lockdown had dropped Optimus and Ratchet off long ago and it was far larger.

 ** _I need to get us out of here before we board his ship, this one can’t take us out of the galaxy but that one can._** He scanned the three doors that surrounded him wondering what one he should pick but in the end just said frag it and opened the middle one before running ahead.

 **:I am glad you could join us, Megatron.:** Lockdown’s voice suddenly filled the air and Megatron looked up as he ran at the numerous speakers that surrounded him.

“FRAGGER! WHERE IS OPTIMUS!?” He yelled as he made it to another door and threw it open.

**:Do not fear, my Pet is safe here with me. I must say, I didn’t expect such a quick response from you. I thought it would be another few breems at least before you came looking for him:**

**_Pet?_** Megatron snarled. “Yes well your message is what threw me off, Lockdown. You are losing your touch.” He cried out as he rounded a corner to find three more halls in front of him yet he stayed on the one heading towards what he hoped was the front of the ship.

**:Perhaps I wasn’t endearing enough, yes. I confess your change of spark surprised me. Who would have guessed, Lord Megatron still held the capacity to love, and Optimus no less. Bravo.:**

Megatron grunted as he tried to open another door in his path but found it locked. **_Arrrgh, damnit!_** He began kicking at the door, using all his strength but the metal only bent slightly and nothing more. He heard Lockdown’s laughter come over the speakers.

**:This ship was built to keep some of the strongest creatures in the universe captured, Megatron. You will not be able to simply KICK a door down.:**

**_So he IS watching me._** Megatron thought, scanning at the ceiling as he turned around and started on a new path.

“What is with this game, Lockdown! Stop playing with me like I am some rat and FIGHT ME!” He challenged the mech but Lockdown merely snorted.

**:I enjoy playing with my prey every once in a while Megatron. It amuses me, but really I just need a little more time to prepare for you. As I said, you arrived far earlier and now I need to speed up my original plans. No easy task but I think the medic’s death has helped immensely, hasn’t it Pet?:**

Megatron roared as the other mech cooed over the speaker and he knew he was talking to Optimus. “The medic isn’t dead! Ratchet isn’t dead OPTIMUS!” He cried, hoping Optimus could hear him. If Lockdown was using Ratchet to help break Optimus down he needed to know the truth.

**:Hmmm… Interesting, but he can’t hear you Megatron. Bit of an audial problem.:**

As Lockdown began laughing once more Megatron frame trembled with rage. **_Fragger has probably blinded him too. Arrrrgh! Optimus, hold on please! I am coming for you!_**

He made it to another fork of hallways and some doors and he swore loudly. Though the ship appeared on the smaller side it was much more complex inside and because of that it was taking Megatron forever to get through it.

He tried one of the doors on his left, opening it to find a small room with glass cage inside. His optics widened as some alien snake-like creature jumped at his abrupt entrance, the beast hissing and shrieking as it banged against the glass, apparently begging for freedom.

“I am sorry.” Megatron muttered, knowing the creature probably couldn’t understand him as he closed the door and tried another.

This one also held a cage but this time it was a larger room and there were long energy bars that went from the floor to the ceiling. Megatron grimaced at the scent in the room, figuring it must be some disgusting creature behind the bars.

He was about to turn and leave when a wretched yet oddly soft moan escaped whatever poor spark was behind the cell and as delicate shaking servo, or hand of some organic pushed out from the bars and pleaded with him he felt compelled to investigate more. **_What the frag…_**

Megatron started in surprise as he realized he knew this language and he walked into the room further, his optics blazing as he saw the owner of the hand was a Thyt. They were an organic species that lived on a planet not too far from where Cybertron used to be.

They were a small and hairless species, their skin a deep or light blue depending on sex and they had huge sad looking optics. Megatron knew of them only because the planet had once hired miners from Cybertron to help them on a project on their planet and Megatron had been lucky enough to be one of the slaves picked for the venture.

It had been the first time he had left Cybertron much less Kaon and his experience there resonated with him even today. They had been so kind to him and there had been no slavery there, hardly any crime so… So why would Lockdown have…

“Help… Help, my… My little ones are starving.” The femme that had her servo sticking out from the bars begged and Megatron stiffened as he realized she was surrounded by three tiny sparklings, or children. There was a fifth frame in the cell as well Megatron noticed now that he was closer and he vented out as he realized it was an adult mech, apparently the sparkling’s Sire and… And his dead frame was rotting in the corner. **_Gods, that is what the smell is originating from! They, they are trapped in there with their dead Sire!?_**

He growled as he peered around the bars trying to find a weak point yet his growl scared the little organics and he muttered an apology without thinking and suddenly the femme was on her knees.

“You can understand us!? Please, please help us! We have done nothing wrong! My mate is dead, my children dying, HELP!” She begged through sobs and Megatron felt his spark clench.

He couldn’t find any quick way to save the broken family and Optimus still needed him. “I… I need to free my mate from this mech.” He stuttered out weakly, backing away as she and now her sparklings began to cry.

“NO PLEASE! Please HELP! I will give you anything! DON’T LEAVE USSS!” She screamed so desperate in her plea that she got too close to the energy bars and one shocked her. She screamed as her frame went flying back, crashing into her rotting mate as she fell unconscious in his lap.

“Gods…” Megatron whispered as her sparklings began to wail dragging their Carrier off of their Sire as they shook her and begged her to open her optics.

The former warlord felt his optics burn at the pathetic sight, his spark hammering as the sparklings broke down, screaming as they thought she too was now dead and, and that they were left all alone in this Hell.

“Shhh, she is not dead little ones.” Megatron said as he moved closer to the bars and the children screamed, shying away from him as they covered their Carrier’s frame with their own. “I, I need to save my mate but, but I won’t forget you.” He assured them as tears filled his optics. “I will come b-back.”

He backed out of the room, his frame now shaking as he closed the door on the screaming children. He stood outside of the door, his processor reeling from the experience and he felt sick from the screams and scent of rot.

 ** _What… What evil isn’t this mech capable of?_** He thought furiously, swallowing hard as he turned and face the other doors, terrified at what he would find behind those.

**:Rather dramatic show Megatron. Had I known it was going to be this entertaining to watch you traverse my ship I would have brought fuel to snack on.:**

Lockdown’s vile voice spoke to him over the speaker and Megatron roared. “YOU ARE FILTH! A fucking DEMON! WHERE IS OPTIMUS!?”

Lockdown laughed wickedly, its sound echoing around the silver mech.

 **: _Breaking_ , Megatron. Beautifully so.: **He answered simply and Megatron felt his vents cease in his chassis.

“AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH! FUCK YOU!” He screamed into the empty hall, dashing down the next one. He didn’t know where he was going, he didn’t know what he would find through this maze of terrors but he knew standing in one spot wouldn’t get him anywhere!

**_Optimus, where are you my love!? Please, Primus… If you exist let me save him! Help MEEEE!?_ **

Another locked door, he spun back the way he came, another caged room, he left before he could discover what was inside. Door after door, hall after hall… Nothing!

How long had it been since he started searching? How long had he been on this ship? Where they in space or in Earth’s atmosphere? Did his team make it to Ratchet in time? He tried to radio them but much like in the base he only received the static of a broken signal.

“ARRRRRGH! DAMNIT MECH! FAAAAACE MEEEEE!” He bellowed as he hit another locked door, punching it so hard his knuckles bled.

 **:You are so close to the cockpit, so close Megatron. Don’t give up now.:** Lockdown played with him, again laughing as Megatron raged and punched the door once more leaving a dented bloody mark on the door before he turned once more and made it down another hall.

At this point he wasn’t even sure if he had already been down these halls, everything looked the same! Was he just running in circles!?

He opened another door, venting out as he found another cage, the beast within so lost in its madness it was just striking its massive head against the walls of its cage, blood spurting out with each blow as it screamed.

Megatron shut the door quickly, heaving against the outside of the door as he tried to erase the image from his processor. **_Please, no more… No more of this… Let me find him, I beg you. I b-beg you…_**

In many ways this venture reminded him of when he had entered Optimus’s mind yet instead of horrific levels of madness and torture there were doors and pathways filled with it. He felt lost in it all, young even, and he began to wonder if he could really handle all of this on his own.

**_Stop it! You aren’t some sparkling! You are Megatron of KAON! Don’t let him get into your helm like this! You can’t afford to doubt yourself, Optimus needs you and you… Gods, I need him!_ **

He pulled his frame away from the door, walking down another hall, his steps heavy and he moved slower now, he was exhausted, terrified, and so very lost.

**:Losing your spirit Megatron? How disappointing. How will you save your love if you are so broken down? He needs you Megatron. Very much so, don’t you Pet?:**

Megatron didn’t bother to answer, his helm lowered as he walked until he heard a crackle of the speaker and Lockdown spoke softly to someone over it.

 **:Go on… Tell him Pet.:** The bounty hunter encouraged sweetly and Megatron froze as he heard a very familiar whimper sound.

 ** _O-Optimus!?_** He lifted his helm, staring at the speaker closest to him so intently he felt he could melt it with his optics.

 **:M-Master… P-please…:** A whispered plea.

Megatron stumbled, his servo flying out as he caught himself against the wall. It _was_ Optimus that spoke now and he sounded so, so broken… So ruined.

“O-Optimus…” Megatron moaned as his legs shook under him and tears fell from his optics. “I, I am here love. I am coming! I am TRYING!” He yelled, his voice cracking as he fought for vents.

 **:Tell him Pet. Tell him what is inside you right now.:** Lockdown instructed and Megatron’s spark broke as Optimus sobbed.

 **:P-please… No…:** Another weak plea and a sudden crack sounded over the speakers and Megatron heard Optimus cry out in pain.

“OPTIMUSSSS!” Megatron roared, his frame picking up speed as he raced to the end of the hall.

**:So unruly, Pet. I am disappointed and you _KNOW_ what happens when I am _disappointed_.:**

Megatron slammed into the door across from him relieved as it flew open and suddenly he stopped, his spark hammering as he found himself finally in the command center of the ship! He scanned around him wildly, searching desperately for Optimus, for his prey and yet, he found the room empty?

As Optimus cried out around him and Lockdown laughed Megatron turned to the main console and found the screen flashing with a box that read ‘Auto Pilot Engaged.’

“A-Auto Pilot?” He stuttered out, his frame shaking as he backed away from the screen.

 **:Ahhh, congratulations, you made it!:** Lockdown laughed at him and Megatron fell to his knees in defeat. **:Oh, do not despair. I told you I needed a little more time to prepare Optimus for you, but the shuttle will take you to us, I promise. You shall make it _just_ in time, Megatron. Sit back, enjoy the ride and we will see you soon.:**

A tattered moan came from the silver mech as he hung his helm and just before the transmission went dead he heard Optimus scream and then all fell silent…

He knelt there in the cold cockpit, his spark hammering as he curled into himself despair clawing at him.

**_Optimus… I t-tried, I tried so h-hard to make it b-before he c-could b-break you…_ **

He lifted his helm, tears pouring down his cheeks as he stared at the stars in the window before him. “O-Optimus… Don’t give in, love. F-fight, fight for us… Please…” He begged to the glittering vista as he crumpled to the ground, resting as best he could for when he finally could face off against a monster worse than… Than himself.


End file.
